Playing Soldier
by Subjecthero
Summary: Commander Evan Shepard runs into an old friend, Jack, which leads to her longing for the woman's affections. She would do anything to make Jack hers - including breaking a few hearts along the way. Jack/Femshep and Traynor/Femshep, mostly the former. Be warned that some earlier parts are fairly Traynor-heavy. Rated M for language and sexual content. Reviews are encouraged!
1. Reunited And it Feels So-So

**AN**: Hey, guys. Three months later, as I look back onto the first chapter, I'm a bit disappointed with how this whole story started out. It's pretty weak and reads like a beginning of a mediocre canon fic. I'm probably going to wind up editing the first few chapters majorly, won't change anything of the story, just add a few details and make it a bit more "interesting".

This fic is a semi-canon fic. It follows the order of ME3 pretty meticulously, but I'm adding a lot more of Shepard's personal life and down-time in it (as well as, of course, the non-canon relationship between her and Jack). Sorry. :c I swear it gets good a few chapters in, at least, I think so.

* * *

"Commander, you may want to come see this." Traynor's voice hesitated over the background noise of the CIC.

Despite the dull light and chattery commotion that engulfed the deck, Commander Evan Shepard had no problem distinguishing the voice as the new specialist's. As much as it pained her to see a still-unfamiliar body occupy the space Kelly used to - not out of longing, but of disdained memories - she was rather growing fond of Traynor. Samantha's occasional anxiety about her new position that surfaced itself as a stumbled sentence or darting eyes endeared the commander, rather than frustrate her.

"Make it fast, I have a vid call with Hackett that's fairly important," Shepard alerted.

Samantha responded with an understanding nod. "Cerberus has infiltrated Grissom Academy. The Academy is expecting Reaper attacks soon and have sent out a call for help. According to these signals, Commander, the Academy has evacuated and a turian ship has been dispatched," Traynor informed, turning her attention to her terminal.

"All right, so what's the hurry?" Evan wasn't one to lose her patience. With the brief interactions she's had with Samantha, she knew the specialist would not waste her time.

"Well, I have reason to believe these signals are fake. So I had EDI analyze them and my assumptions were correct. She thinks it's Cerberus," Traynor added. Her gaze briefly fixated on Shepard's dark eyes for a reaction. She wasn't expecting praise, but rather confirmation.

"Good catch," the red-headed commander approved with a sincere smile, placing a hand on Traynor's shoulder.

"Cerberus wants us to think that the academy was evacuated. It's possible this is just misinformation, but I figured it was something worth relaying to you."

Evan's thoughts immediately retraced themselves back to the Collector ship incident that occurred a while ago. This was not the first time a fake signal was intercepted to ward off the Alliance.

"It's definitely something I'll investigate as soon as possible. Thanks for the help, Traynor. Maybe you belong here afterall." Evan withdrew her hand from Traynor, but not before affirming her compliment with a light pat on her back.

"So," Traynor started, still flustered from the praise. "How are you, Commander?"

"I've been better," the Spectre shared, relaxing her posture a bit. After a thoughtful sigh that echoed in the air around them, she continued. "Things are starting to really pick up and I've been running around putting out fires. There's no doubt these Reaper attacks won't stop until everyone is fighting next to us, and it looks like I'm the recruiter here."

"Well, if it's any consolation, I think you've been doing wonders," Traynor beamed. "And, you know, if you ever want to put your mind at ease, I'm always willing to take a break from data analysis and have a quick chat, maybe a drink. Um, not without your permission of course." The slight tremble in Traynor's voice hinted Evan at perhaps an ulterior motive behind her offer. Somehow, though, Evan didn't mind the possibility, she almost welcomed it.

"You deserve a break, Traynor. And I'm always looking for opportunities to put this war behind me. But for now, I'm afraid I'm a bit too occupied to shoot the breeze with anyone." Shepard's words were as truthful as they were a pain to say. She adored her entire crew - every last one of them, but with the priorities she needed to hold, the most she could interact with her crew was a simple occasional check-up.

"I understand, Commander." There was a subtle tone of disappointment in Traynor's response.

Seeing the cheerfulness fade from Samantha's face caused Evan to re-evaluate her response. Perhaps she could make some room later for the specialist - after all she was as nervous as she was new. "I might hold you to the offer later, though. I hope you're as true to your word as you are to that terminal of yours," Evan smirked, elbowing the blushing specialist in the ribs.

"Believe me, I am," Traynor chuckled.

"You do good work, Traynor. Keep it up and you may earn yourself a permanent position on the Normandy," Evan encouraged, heading to the war room.

Traynor smiled to herself as her face flushed with pride and flattery. Any scrap of approval she received from Evan was enough to make the next few hours of work a little less tedious, as she replayed the conversation over and over again in her head while searching through channels. She admired the commander a bit more than she initially thought she would, expecting a more no-nonsense, strict environment. Instead, however, she found Evan generally understanding, patient, and peaceful, seemingly leading under the philosophy that a happy crew was an effective crew. Traynor knew she was going to like working under her.

* * *

_Grissom Academy. _Those two words themselves were enough to send a soft shiver down the commander's spine. The memory of Dr. Gavin Archer hung around like a permanent, unpleasant taste in her mouth. The inhumane treatment of his brother was only brought to a slight justice when they were able to transfer David to the Academy. Still, she would never forgive the doctor for the hauntings he caused Shepard. Her stomach dropped at the every thought that someone she took here, in speculations that it was safe haven, could be endangered by Cerberus.

"Cerberus really has a hold on this place," Garrus noticed, gripping his Avenger tighter than usual. The squad was finishing up a rather mundane encounter with Cerberus reinforcements, whose strongest units at the moment seemed to be disposable Centurions.

"Of course they do. These students are destined to be the biotic ass-kickers of the future, and a threat to the Reapers. Unfortunately for them, we're not exactly new to the whole fake signal trick," Evan assured, holding her cover.

"I just hope we make it out of here alive," Liara added, scanning the environment from her hidden position. The Academy has definitely been under Cerberus hold for a while now, evident by the destroyed windows, barricaded doors, and broken glass scattered everywhere.

"If Joker's little stunt didn't kill everyone, you mean," Garrus retorted.

Garrus was referring to the maneuver Joker so daringly attempted to divert attention from the Alliance shuttle. In spite of the risks it posed, Evan had every bit of confidence in the pilot.

"He knows what he's doing, Garrus," Evan smirked, taking out an unsuspecting trooper's head with her Widow. "But we have other things to worry about right now." Evan withdrew her weapon back as soon as she confirmed to herself all troops were taken out in the immediate area, signaling the remaining squad mates to position near the door.

"Everything will be all right, students. We have help. Just remain calm and do what your teachers tell you to do," Kahlee's voice boomed over the speaker system.

Wishful thinking, Evan thought. She had no doubt in her crew, but knew Cerberus was not going to go easy on anyone, teenage or not. She could only hope that the teachers did not expect less resistance from Cerberus.

The door in front of the trio opened, stuttering a few cyber notes before revealing a distant biotic disciplining Cerberus troops with a sapphire blast of shockwave.

"Jack?" Evan couldn't believe her eyes.

Jack looked...different. That was the best way Evan could comprehend it. Hair on her head, an actual smile on her face - which, to be fair, was placed by the satisfaction of taking down a few Cerberus members. Most noticeable, though, were the half dozen students surrounding her and following her every command. It was unusual for Evan to see Jack in such a role of command, as she was not the one to be patient or go easy on anyone, let alone teenagers. Then again, Evan thought, that might be to her advantage here. Somehow, knowing that Jack was aiding Grissom Academy against holding Cerberus back soothed Evan's conscious a little. With the hellish childhood Cerberus unjustly molded the biotic with, Jack had no reason to hold back.

"Shepard," Jack called out, running over to the stunned commander after leaping over the railings in front of her.

Evan expected a warm welcome, but was instead greeted with a swift punch to the face from the biotic prodigy. A sharp swiftness that radiated from Shepard's cheek to her entire upper body momentarily paralyzed Shepard's conscious, instinctively causing her to respond with a gritty "_fuck!_" Garrus and Liara witnessed the attack with an unamused smirk on their face. It was Jack, alright.

Ears still ringing from the impact, Evan groaned. "What was that for?"

"That was for leaving me, you asshole."

"So, you've decided to use your powers for good, huh?" Shepard asked, rubbing her newly-bruised cheek in a feeble attempt to subdue the pain. For someone whose expertise was biotics, Jack sure could pack a punch.

"Took a few kids under my arm, yeah." Jack's voice fell into a slight whisper. "Figure I'd train these little shits as long as I've got the biotics. Who cares about me, though? What the hell are you doing here, Evan?"

"I'm back with the Alliance, Jack. And I'm here to stop Cerberus," Evan assured, keeping an eye on the restless kids on the balcony above.

"Why didn't you stay? Why did you have to be the fu-freaking hero?" The Spectre admired Jack's hesitance to swear in front of her pupils, who caught Jack's almost slip-up and replied with a collective, gloating smirk. "Always have to show off, don't we, little miss Shepard?" Jack glared back at the students, who instantly withdrew with a hint of fear.

"Doesn't seem like I'm the only one who changed, Jack," Evan noted, nodding her head to the direction of the students.

"Yeah, well-" Jack and Shepard's reunion was interrupted by the near calls of a Cerberus trooper approaching their area. "Crap, we'll have to catch up later. Think you dumbasses can take care of them?"

"Of course," Garrus said, holding his gun out.

"Good, we'll be up here giving support. Try not to die, it's a hassle to clean up."

* * *

Jack and Evan's relationship was one that, viewed from the outside, seemed almost unhealthy. Other crew members on the Normandy frequently fought and argued with the inked biotic, which contributed to her desire to be alone and more isolated than the other personnel. Still, Evan was well aware of Jack's haunted past and chose to embrace it rather than guilt her for it. Evan was more patient with Jack than the others, knowing Jack truly meant no harm to anyone who didn't wrong her. Get in her way, however, and there would be hell to pay. Despite these obstacles, the last time they had access to each other, Evan noticed that the more persistent she was with getting Jack to open up, the more successful she was. Determined to break through Jack's tough shell, Evan never lost hope in Jack, surviving through all of the verbal abuse and hints of a troubled past that occasionally surfaced, and even found a strong squad member in her. Having Jack back on-board the Normandy and fighting alongside Evan would prove itself to be something Shepard longed for.

"That was one hell of a ride," Jack snarled, leaning up against the shuttle door. "But you all did good out there. Rodriguez, work on that barrier of yours. You're easier to get than your mom after a few drinks."

The students shared a laugh as Rodriguez blushed at the criticism. "Yes, ma'am."

Ma'am? Hearing anyone refer to Jack as 'ma'am' was about as unusual as, well, Jack being a teacher.

"We could use those students of yours as support, you know," Shepard suggested. "We could use some barriers in our front lines."

"You hear that, guys? Shepard here thinks you guys might be useful after all," Jack teased.

Evan flashed a grin at the biotic and looked over to her exhausted squad mates, who awaited the dock back to the Normandy. As much as she enjoyed the presence of her squad mates, she longed for Jack to be back. With most people cowering at the site of her authority, it was refreshing to have someone on board who wasn't afraid to be honest and treat Shepard like a peer once and a while. Jack's new position of a teacher presented more problems than taking up her time; Evan was afraid Jack would start losing her edge. To be honest, Shepard confessed to herself, she liked the abuse a little.

"We could use you back on the Normandy, Jack," Evan requested.

Garrus and Liara both perked their attention at Shepard, presenting an expression of disbelief. How could she even consider bringing Jack back on board? Despite Evan vaguely acknowledging their apprehension at her offer out of the corner of her eyes, she offered no sympathy towards their reaction._  
_

"I belong to these students now. They need me as much as I need them." Jack was sincerely invested into her students.

"Just think it over. You know where to catch me."

"Okay, but don't get all sad on me if I refuse to join your little Normandy circlejerk."

"I'll try."

* * *

**AN**: Hey guys, first story I've published in a while, hopefully one of many. :) Reviews are always welcome and encouraged, as well as suggestions for future chapters/stories. Thanks for reading!


	2. Pressure

The few days that passed since Shepard unexpectedly reunited with the biotic were inflated with curiosities about what it'd be like to have her back on board. Perhaps, Evan pondered to herself, Jack's new responsibility as an authority figure would prove to itself to be useful. Afterall, she missed the energy and mystery Jack had to offer.

There was a lack of crew attendance on the Normandy lately - most of the squad she worked with earlier had parted ways from her and supported the war in their own sense. Shepard felt lonely, and that was a realization that hardened each time she laid alone in her bed. The silence was louder than the gun fire, louder than the mass relays, and certainly louder than the voice in her head that consistently reminded her the horrors of war. It was all too much for her. Evan needed someone by her side to bring her down from impending insanity. Shepard considered rekindling a superficial affair with Liara, but found the idea of returning to old flames tiring and bland. She wanted someone new.

"Commander, you have a new message at your terminal," Traynor informed. "From a...Jack. Whoever he is."

"She. And, thank you, Traynor." Evan's sentence was merged with a light yawn. Today was not a day of rest, it was, like all other days lately, a day of steadily holding back the Reapers. Evan was still recovering from rescuing the turians that were stranded on Tuchanka. Reaper resistance was only growing stronger, and the war was starting to show its dark side in forms of harder enemies and a rising death toll. Shepard wore the stress of battle as an unfading, fatigued mask on her face. Getting a message from Jack would either complicate things further, or give her a much needed break with some good news of her decision to rejoin.

The brightness of Evan's terminal overwhelmed her sight, causing her to involuntarily close her eyes and groan. Traynor took an instant note of her commander's grogginess, but only reacted with a sympathetic smile.

The words "Purgatory" and "drink" were enough to soothe Evan's weariness. "Meet at the bar, huh? I guess she never really did change," Shepard thought out loud.

"Don't mean to pry, but...old friend?" Traynor asked, momentarily diverting her attention from the terminal.

"You could say that," Evan sighed. "She was down at Grissom academy. If it weren't for you, I don't think she'd be alive."

Traynor's face flushed. "Thank EDI, too."

"I was merely doing what I was instructed to do. Specialist Traynor was the who relayed the suspicious signal, I simply analyzed it," EDI's voice twittered from above.

_Damn,_ Traynor thought,_ I almost forgot she could hear everything._

"No need to be modest, Traynor. You have a damn good eye for this type of thing," Shepard complimented, turning the terminal off. "I think I'm going to instruct Joker to dock at the Citadel, give us all a few hours of some much-needed rest. You should get out and give yourself a break."

"I'd love to, Commander, but I just intercepted some signals that I believe may be from Cerberus. I might have to take the night to analyze the data."

Cerberus, again? Shepard decided it was too late in the day to worry. "Suit yourself, then. But if you need me, I'll be at Purgatory."

"Got it, Commander."

"Joker, dock us at the Citadel, I need a drink," Evan spoke into her omni-tool, raising her voice.

"Sure thing, Commander. Try not to go too crazy like last time. Near death experiences aren't exactly the best way to win a war."

* * *

Purgatory. Evan's eyes focused on the proud font displayed in front of the bar. The murmurs of off-duty soldiers, the profound smell of alcohol, the ground-shaking beat of the music all overwhelmed her senses and hazed her brain with racing emotions. She thought back to all of the times she shared at Afterlife when she was with Cerberus: the meetings with Aria, the time she blacked out, even when she got a little frisky with a turian after having a few too many. It's been a while since this commander has had a night out that did not involve shooting the heads off of Cerberus troops or reviving squad mates.

The turian guards - bouncers, Shepard thought - acknowledged the commander with a nod. "Commander Shepard, it's great to see you."

"Hello, boys," Evan greeted. Even though this was Evan's night out, she knew she would never be able to escape her reputation. It was a reputation she fought hard for, however, and she was proud of the status she carried with her.

Evan's eyes adjusted to the bright lights and eccentric atmosphere that was presented in front of her after she sauntered in. Despite Jack's summons to the Purgatory, Shepard assumed it would be no harm for her to have a drink and mingle with the other crew members who decided to perch in the watering hole before meeting with the biotic.

"Just one drink, please," Shepard requested, raising her voice above the overpowering music. "Strongest thing you think I can handle."

"Right away, Commander," the salarian bartender obeyed, pouring her a shot of an unknown liquid.

"Commander," a familiar voice called out. "Good to see you're letting loose for once."

"Hey, Garrus," Shepard acknowledged, turning her body to the turian.

"Just a hunch, but something's telling me you're here for a reason besides getting drunk. We all know you can't handle your liquor."

Evan wished everyone would drop it-it was a one time thing, and she got out alive. "I'm here to see someone."

"Oh? Have a date tonight, do we?" Garrus prodded, leaning an elbow on the bar counter.

"No, just catching up. Old business," Shepard corrected.

"It's Jack, isn't it?" Garrus' voice fluctuated, easing his mandibles into a hint of a frown.

"What gave it away?"

"She's over there, at that table," Garrus stated, gesturing his hand behind his shoulder. "She's been there for a while. Looks like she's getting impatient, if anything."

Evan eased her sight to where the turian was pointing. The biotic glanced around from her isolated table, obviously scanning for an absent Shepard. Evan took a shot of her liquor, dipping her chin down to the surface of the counter as the liquor burned her throat. "This shit's strong," she coughed, regaining her composure.

"Oh, come on, Jack's not that bad. You don't have to get wasted to talk to her. But sometimes, it sure does feel it." Garrus glanced back at Jack, who was getting restless.

"I just thought I'd get a little something in me tonight. I can't drink any other time, but I forgot how strong some of the stuff other species can handle is." Shepard pushed her empty glass away from her, using the now unoccupied area to lean on and examine Jack. "Poor thing looks a little lonely there."

"So go talk to her, then. No one's approached her all night."

Evan sighed and pondered the repercussions. She would have to approach the increasingly agitated biotic eventually if she wanted her back as a squad mate.

"I guess I should. Good seeing you, Garrus"

"Pleasure's all mine."

Evan conjured enough courage to walk over to Jack, who she slightly dreaded talking to again. As much as she wanted Jack on board, she knew she had to treat all of their conversations delicately, threading each sentence carefully enough to hopefully not set her off into a rant or a pollution of insults and verbal abuse.

"Jack," Evan simply said, taking a seat across from her.

"Well, look who decided to fucking show up," Jack mocked, leaning back unapprovingly in her chair.

"I'm sorry, Jack. I had a lot to do today. I am fighting a war, after all," Shepard stated matter-of-factly.

"That's right. You are fighting a war, aren't you? And you never thought twice about who you left behind." Jack was obviously still harboring some deep-seeded resentment towards Evan.

"Jack, I did what I had to do. Everything turned out all right, and look at you, you finally found something that suits you. I saw the way those kids looked up to you. You're a damn good biotic and an even better teacher."

"Whatever you say, princess. Just try not to let down the crew of your ship like you did last time. I have a feeling they won't be so forgiving the second time over."

Evan had no desire to argue with Jack at this moment. The impression she got with her email was that Jack sincerely wanted to catch up and share a drink, not criticize her and bring her down. "You really should come back. The Normandy could use a biotic like you."

"What about 'Blue'? That asari you used to fuck?" Jack's tone retained a bit of anger.

"Liara? We haven't done anything in years. And besides, she's great, but we could always use more. After all, being a vanguard and all, I value biotics above marksmanship and you know that as damn well as I do."

"I'm on shore leave right now, but tomorrow's our last day before the students get into the front lines." Jack seemed visually distraught over this fact. "I might consider coming back, as long as you make sure I don't have to sleep near the rest of your jerk off crew."

"Believe me, I wouldn't have it any other way. Welcome aboard."

"I said I might. I didn't say I would."

Evan chose her next words as carefully as she could, finding a break in the music to speak up. "You should come to the Normandy with me, just for tonight. Say hi to the others. They missed you."

"Yeah, fucking right. I don't think the rest of the crew is too fond of me," Jack insisted.

"They do. Believe me, they're always happy to see another survivor. What do you say?"

"I say, piss off. I at least need time to say goodbye to my students."

Evan loved seeing this sparkle of humanity in Jack. "You can say goodbye to them tomorrow. Come on, it'll be fun. I have a spare bed down at the engineering room."

Jack sighed and paused for a few heavy moments. The music shook the floor below them as Jack pondered the decision. "All right, Evan. But I swear to God, if anyone gives me shit I will not hesitate to go psychotic biotic on their ass."

"Good to have you back, Jack," Shepard welcomed, leaning back into her chair with a smile.

"I didn't say I was back, I just said I'd join in on your weird little teenage sleepover. Don't expect any pillow fights or talking about boys all night."

"Noted."

* * *

Jack's return was met with little resistance - mostly shock at the fact that she was still alive. Most of the crew on Normandy expected her to have gotten killed by picking a fight with the wrong person, but if Jack proved anything, it was that she was the wrong person to pick a fight with.

"What's this metal bitch doing?" Jack asked, sitting on the side of Joker's chair with little regards for his personal space.

"That 'metal bitch' is EDI," Joker huffed. "She transferred herself into a body we found. She's still the ship, but now we have a live EDI on board with us. Sort of like a two-for-one deal."

"Wow, she has a body now? I gotta say, you got some nice curves on you, EDI."

"Acknowledged, Subject Zero."

"Watch it," Shepard warned, seeing Jack get upset at EDI's choice of name. Jack balled her fingers up into a fist and furrowed her brow upon hearing EDI address her by her former title. "We don't call her that."

"I apologize. To quench...Jack's...curiosity, I concluded that transferring myself into a tangible unit would benefit the ship and the crew."

"So what, you and Joker ever get freaky?" Jack teased, crossing her arms.

"What? No!" Joker protested.

"As of right now I do not possess the correct parts to engage in any sort of sexual activity. So no, we do not 'get freaky'. I am, however, mentally bonded with Jeff, and we are engaged in a committed emotional affair."

"Ah, jeez," Jeff breathed, blushing. "EDI, they don't have to know this."

"I think it's cute," Jack smiled.

Shepard scanned Jack's face, expecting a hint of sarcasm or a rude follow up. Instead, though, Evan noticed that Jack seemed genuinely sincere. "Do you, now."

"Yeah, ol' brittle bones here finally got himself a girl who won't break him."

"Let's go, Jack. I need to show you the changes we've made here," Evan insisted, realizing Joker was getting increasingly embarrassed.

* * *

"I don't get it, Shepard," Jack confessed, settling herself to sit into the spare bed nestled in the engineer deck. "Why do you want me back on board so bad?"

Shepard was not the type to make herself emotionally vulnerable, especially not to someone as brutally honest as Jack. Still, Evan thought, dancing around the subject was not going to solve anything. "It's just nice to have someone around here who doesn't treat me like a 24 hour authority figure."

"But that's what you are."

"But it's not who I always am. I love giving orders, I love my ship, and I will go down with my crew with my very last fighting breath. But sometimes, I just want to be one of the crew. Sure, I have friends here. Garrus, Mordin, Traynor, Joker. But I'm a Commander first and a friend second."

The hum of the AI core saturated the air around them. They were alone, but Evan still felt like everyone always needed her at once. She knew that the honor of holding the title of both Spectre and Commander came packaged with the constant need of supporting others, but at times, it proved itself to be almost too much for her.

"Look, we're in a war right now. That's something you feel the need to remind everyone every five minutes. No one has time for you to be their friend, they need you as a leader," Jack reminded.

"I must not be a very good leader if you don't even want to come back."

"Did I ever show you the N7 tattoo on my ass? I got it after you left. After."

"I haven't, no. It's not really an area of yours I'm acquainted with, to be honest."

"If you wanna see it, just ask. I'm not above exposing my ass to show off my ink."

"I'll pass...for now," Shepard chuckled.

"The point is, you are a great leader. Look, you rubbed off on me. I would not be able to teach those kids like I do if I hadn't picked up on your tight-ass ways. I just treat you like I treat everyone, it doesn't mean I see you in the same light as I see everyone else." Shepard felt nervous, as she wasn't used to Jack being so open and compassionate.

"You're right. And I really appreciate that, you know. I just get lonely."

"We all do."

The duo paused for a moment and avoided eye contact. Shepard felt the reality of her situation sink into her stomach as she gradually realized nights like this would come further and far between. She knew she had to make the most of it. The truth was, Shepard felt herself growing an appreciation for Jack. An admiration, she admitted to herself. Despite the fact that the Commander loved Jack's edge, seeing her soft side caused a new attraction to blossom.

"Well, I'm gonna sleep now. Tomorrow's going to be hell," Jack spoke, breaking the silence.

"Guess so. Good night."

"Night."

The hell with it, these nights come every once and a while, Evan figured.

"Unless, you don't want me to go," Evan suggested, settling back into her seat adjacent to the bed.

"The hell are you talking about?"

"Nevermind, I'm sorry. That was the booze talking."

"The booze you drank four hours ago, you mean."

"I..."

"What did you have in mind?"

"I figured we could stay up all night talking," Evan shrugged, knowing what she was saying was a blatant lie.

"Talking? Is that what you people call it these days?"

Jack leaned over and grabbed Evan's face without warning, planting her lips firmly on the startled commander's. After a few moments of the tense contact, Jack withdrew herself, still holding her firm hold on Evan's panicked face. "You're cute, you know that? I'd love to tonight, but really, Evan, I need to get some sleep. Thanks for the offer, though. We can 'talk' when I come back tomorrow night." Jack let Evan go, snapping her hand back to the bed.

Shepard wanted to discuss the intrusive move Jack made on her, but was more interested in Jack's last statement. "So you're joining?"

"Yup." Jack laid herself down on the mattress, folding her arms behind her bed. A moment passed before either of them dared to disrupt the lingering quiet. "Now leave before I kick your ass. I'm tired."

"Of course, Jack."


	3. Decisions

As much as Shepard wanted to focus on her present mission, the memory of last night clung on to her like a husk latching onto her shoulders. She wanted to see Jack more than anything, and she could not get her off of her mind and she refused to acknowledge why. Hunched behind a crate on Noveria, letting her barriers recharge as her squad mates took out Cerberus troops, Evan's mind wandered to the incident that occurred with Jack the night prior.

"Shepard, you seem distracted. I'd offer to help, but right now I think we need your help," Garrus remarked, right before sniping the head off of a Guardian quite carefully. "Mailslot, never fails."

"I'm sorry, Garrus. Just finding it harder to concentrate today." Evan resumed her fight, attempting to hit a trooper in the head with her Carnifex - and instead shooting him right in his bicep. In frustration, she sent a powerful Pull at the unsuspecting unit, who flung into the air like a piece of plastic suspended in the wind.

"Try to hold off thinking about whatever's bothering you until we make sure we can get out of here alive. I don't know if you've noticed, but Liara's been down for around thirty seconds now." Despite the urgency of the situation, Garrus' update on Liara's status was calm, hopefully a sign of his trust in Shepard's abilities.

"Shit, all right, you take cover over there and clear the landing zone. I'll go get her." Embarrassment settled into Shepard's core, realizing that her concerns over personal matters was finally starting to threaten her duties as a commander, and the health of her friends - something she swore she'd never let happen.

"Got it."

_Shit, shit, shit_. Shepard zipped through the icy blasts that buffed her armor and the exposed, pale skin on the back of her neck where her short hair could just barely caress. Garrus was holding off any reinforcements that tried to pierce their now-weakened defenses, Shepard sporadically releasing Shockwaves in an attempt at support. _I'm never going to hear the end of this._ Liara sprawled out behind her former cover near the extraction point, her paralyzed body, thankfully, concealed.

"Sorry, Liara. That won't happen again," Evan assured, reviving Liara, who scrambled up onto her feet. Gunfire whipped past their heads before they mutually took cover behind a balcony, Shepard too embarrassed to attempt any sort of eye contact with the asari. Even eye contact with a troop was preferable to her.

"What's wrong with you today, Shepard? You seem to be acting highly unusual." Liara gently tapped the commander on the shoulder, trying to grab her attention.

"It's nothing, I promise. Just get back into the fight and Cortez will be here shortly." Shepard wasn't sure if she was trying to convince Liara or herself.

Liara reluctantly accepted, knowing it was best not to prod in the middle of a Cerberus encounter, but the concerned looks she occasionally shot over to Shepard, and even Garrus, warned Shepard that she was not completely satisfied with Shepard's paltry explanation.

The shuttle home was uncomfortably quiet. Garrus and Liara glanced at each other, trading concerned looks over Shepard's sudden inability to focus at the task at hand. Anything that distracted Shepard endangered their lives when they deployed. Evan was still reluctant to acknowledge at either of her squad mates in the sure possibility that they would meet her gaze and discover the fear that was hiding beneath her eyes.

"Shepard, whatever's bothering you..." Garrus started.

"Nothing. I swear, it's just an off day for me. Things will be back to normal tomorrow, I promise."

"Well, I'm out of ideas," Garrus shrugged, turning to Liara.

"Shepard, we are concerned about your well-being. It's not like you-"

"I said, it's nothing," Evan asserted, interrupting the asari. "Let's just get back to the Normandy and let ourselves recharge."

* * *

Shepard waited rather impatiently in her quarters, pacing back and forth and admiring her growing collection of models as means to distract herself. Where the hell is Jack? Shepard thought, balling her hands into a fist._ I swear to God if she's not serious about coming back, I'll..._

"Commander, Jack is here to see you. Please take her up. Now," a nervous Traynor blasted over the intercom.

"Send her in." Shepard sighed with relief.

The door hissed open and revealed Jack, who strolled into the quarters as if it were her own room. "Hey there, princess," Jack greeted, presenting herself with her usual sarcastic smirk.

Evan noticed details about Jack she didn't notice before. Her slender frame, her beautiful body art, her symmetrical face...they all came together to make a hell of a woman.

"So that's what you're going to start calling me now, huh?"

"It fits you," she teased before casually glancing at Evan's display case. "Wow, I see you haven't given up your model collection hobby."

"Everyone needs a hobby. Mine happen to be fish, model collecting, and killing Reapers." Evan eased herself onto her bed, sitting at the edge. "Anyway, it's good to have you back."

"Yeah, for now. That's not why I came up here, though." Jack joined Evan on the bed, taking no caution not to slam herself down on the mattress, causing the whole bed to shake. "I'm here to talk about last night."

Evan's stomach sank. "Is that right?"

"I just don't want you to get the wrong idea or nothing. I don't know what the hell I was thinking kissing you like that. That was just stupid."

Evan sighed and stared down at the floor, digesting Jack's confession for a good moment. "I didn't get any ideas."

"Good."

"If it was a mistake, it was a mistake. I understand."

"It won't happen again, all right?" Jack assured.

Evan felt a twinge of hurt in her chest. For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, she found herself longing for someone. "Sure thing."

"I'm guessin' my bed is in the same place."

Even her voice was enough to set her over the edge, the defeated Spectre noticed. "You don't have to stay if you don't want."

"Too fucking bad. I've already told my students they're on their own with support. I have nowhere else to turn right now, so you idiots are stuck with me."

"In that case, welcome back, Jack. It's an honor to serve with you." Evan's welcome was half-hearted at most.

"Save that crap for when you're staring down the ass-end of a Reaper. I don't need any of this honorable bullshit right now." Jack got off the bed and started towards the door. "And between you and me, you need new hobbies."

Evan sank into the mattress after Jack's departure, only wishing it would suck her in deeper, into a black hole, into a universe void of orders, void of titles, of Reapers, of forbidden fruit like Jack. _You can do this,_ Shepard, her thoughts echoed through her swimming head._ You don't need distractions like this. You're Commander Shepard, you're better than this._ Evan despised herself for getting her hopes up over someone as calloused at the legendary biotic. She needed to devise a plan, she realized, to make that girl hers.

* * *

"Why is Cerberus on Tuchanka?" Shepard asked, turning to the specialist while she stood in front of the Galaxy Map.

Samantha grew red with embarrassment. "Right, right. I was hoping to tell you about that, but well, you never came around last night, and...I forgot."

"Don't worry about it," Evan interrupted, hoping not to bring any attention to last night. "What's Cerberus even doing there?"

"I'm not sure, they seem to have taken control over a military installation. I'm sure Hackett will have more details."

"All right," Evan breathed, expecting an easy battle. "No use standing around. Guess we're going to Tuchanka."

As much of a distraction as it would undeniably be, Evan knew she had no choice but to choose Jack as one of her squad mates. Growing up in a world where she was abused, tortured, and used by the terrorists organization was more than enough incentive for her to join the commander in whatever deployment involved kicking some Cerberus ass. Shepard dragged Jack back into the Normandy and recognized how unfair it would be to deny her some satisfaction at exacting a little revenge, even if her presence would prove troublesome for her.

* * *

"Do we know why Cerberus is here?" Garrus asked, holding himself steady as his balance was disrupted by the shuttle's movement.

"Probably because they're assholes," Jack scoffed. "Cerberus takes what it wants, and you better believe they don't give two shits about who it hurts."

"Look, let's just get in, find out what they're up to, and take care of it," Shepard ordered.

"Not before I kill some of these fuckers. God, I wish my kids were here. I'd love to see them tear those pricks a new one."

Shepard's head shrouded with guilt over the fact that she tore Jack away from her students, who seemed to be only source of happiness lately. She could only hope killing a few Cerberus troops would help some relieve some of the stress and make re-joining the Normandy easier on her. Still, she found herself craving Jack's affections, attempting to deny the fact that her motive behind taking Jack with her was mostly to win her over. She didn't know how, but she rationalized that letting the bitoic take out some stress would make her more vulnerable and more likely to open up to her; maybe then, and only then, could she take her chance with her.

As the door open, the squad leaped out into the dull orange environment. This location was an abandoned military installment, and took no liberty in hiding that. Debris and rubble littered the ruins like jarring reminders of what once was, only showing life when the ground vibrated from the nearby cannon explosions. What little light did manage to escape the fog only illuminated a colorless marriage between abandonment and destruction. The rumbles of cannons that trembled the earth clued Shepard that Cerberus had a reason to be here.

"Cannons," Jack snarled, regaining her balance. "Figures they'd be up to something."

"Control room's up there, we can disable the cannons if we can make our way far enough. Just kill everything you see, and we can get out of there as soon as possible."

"I'm not leaving until every last one of them is dead," the biotic assured, already gaining ahead of the other two. "I'm going to enjoy this."

"Good to have her back," Garrus spoke. Evan couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not.

Throughout the objective, Evan paid close notice to Jack. She studied the way she killed the unfortunate enemies who crossed her path, showing mastery with her biotic techniques. Vibrant blue flashes filtered the base every few seconds, as an indication of Jack scoring another kill. What worried Evan was that every time Jack could tally off another casualty, instead of happiness, Jack only seemed angrier. The little tortured girl that was traumatized by this organization started to resurface itself in the form of frustration, coming out each time Jack unleashed a shockwave. Jack's haunted history never left her.

"Garrus, I want you to cover us while we examine these cannons," Shepard commanded. "Near the staircase."

"Affirmative."

Shepard took position behind the control console for cover, motioning with her finger for Jack to join her.

"Jack, before we shut these things off," Evan started as Jack huddled next to her, "I just want to check up on you."

"The hell does that mean? Didn't we talk yesterday?"

Evan ignored Jack's previous question. "Are you okay, Jack?"

"I'm fine. Of course I'm fine. I just slaughtered some Cerberus shitheads." Jack's voice shook.

If there was ever a time to be delicate with Jack, it was now. "It must be tough having to face your past after being away from it for so long."

"I don't know what you're talking about. A little while ago I was with you kicking some serious Cerberus butt with you as always. Why are you so concerned now?"

"Guys, no rush, but if you could hurry it up..." Garrus' deep voice echoed through the room from his holding position.

"Look, you just seem angrier than usual is all I was getting at," Shepard confessed, trying not to upset the prodigy. The ground vibrated below them from the cannons still firing, causing Shepard to grab at the console behind them.

A look of anger sprawled across Jack's face. "I don't know what the fuck you're getting at." Despite her objections, however, it was becoming clear to Shepard that she was hiding something. She knew the signs - the darting glances, the quivering lip, the pain in her voice. With the charisma Shepard molded for herself, she became proficient in analyzing the psyche of those close to her.

"I'm sorry for butting in, in that case. I was just concerned."

"Yeah, well mind your own shit. I don't need anyone worrying about me. It doesn't matter, anyway." Once again, the environment shook. "All I give a rat's ass about right now is taking care of Cerberus, so get your ass up and disable those cannons."

Evan and Jack stayed quiet for the rest of the deployment. Disabling the cannons proved itself to be quite simple, but the tension between Shepard and Jack was so uncomfortable that even Garrus fell quiet and withdrawn by proxy. The shuttle ride home was filled with heavy breaths and an almost despicable looking Jack, who refused to engage in any eye contact with anyone. Instead, she fixed her eyes to the shuttle floor, her fists occasionally clenching and her brow knitting into an intense glare.

Evan started to figure out what was bothering the biotic. All she needed was a way for her to open up.


	4. Persistence

**AN: Fixed a part at the end that my document completely butchered. Whoops!**

* * *

_Jack took her hand up to the commander's trembling face and stroked it with a rumor of affection as her eyes begged for Shepard to take her. Her lips planted on Shepard's neck while her hand traveled to the back of her head and gripped her short hair by their ends, pushing her deeper into her embrace. Their bodies generated enough warmth for the sweat on Evan's shoulder to stain Jack's cheek as she savored the taste of the Spectre's skin. Jack shoved Shepard on the bed, traveling down her still-shaking body lower, lower, lower..._

Shepard's eyes shot open, Jack being replaced by a rush of air escaping her mouth as she gasped. How long have I been asleep for? She asked herself, getting out of bed. Dreams about Jack were slowly starting to substitute her nightmares about the child she left on earth, which she started to miss. These uncomfortable dreams that starred Jack was only making her adoration for the biotic worse. _There was only one thing I can do. I have to talk to her, even if it kills me._

"Traynor, send Jack up," Evan ordered over the terminal, taking a seat.

"...Yes, Commander," Traynor responded. It was evident from the tremble in her voice that the specialist dreaded communicating with the biotic.

Evan contemplated the possible outcomes of what she was about to endure with Jack. The only sure conclusion she could come to was that Jack was going to leave this encounter either very angry, depressed, or a combination of both. Her chair stayed stationary as she shook with anticipation of her arrival, hoping to settle things with Jack once and for all.

"What is it, Shepard? What's so important you had to pull me all the way up here?" Resentment swelled Jack's voice.

The biotic's coldness immediately brought a chill down the commander's spine. "Look, as a commander, I have to make sure my squad is in the best shape-mentally, physically, and emotionally. And it's becoming pretty clear you're not exactly healthy in a few of those areas."

"Is that why you called me up here? To _insult_ me? I don't need this shit, Shepard," Jack growled, turning back to the door.

"Jack, I should not have taken you away from your kids," Shepard blurted before Jack could reach the door.

Jack stood still. A few intense moments passed as the two remained in complete silence, Evan intently awaiting a response.

"It was wrong of me," she continued. "It was a mistake for me to bring you back."

Jack turned to Shepard and presented a look of disbelief. Her mouth opened, but no words fell out.

"I'm sorry."

Instead of saying anything, Jack walked over to Shepard's bed and sat at the edge, holding her forehead in her hands. "I don't think you get it, Shepard." Her normally coarse voice fell softer and quieter.

"I get that you need those kids more than you need us. I get that your students need you more than anything, and I get that you feel alone without them," Evan said as she sat herself next to Jack.

"For fuck's sake, Shepard. Don't think you always have it figured out. It's not loneliness. It has nothing to do with being alone, and don't you fucking think that for a second."

"Then what is it?"

Once again, Jack's response was silence. A moment conceived from tension slowly passed while Jack sighed heavily. The only sound that dared to penetrate the quiet was the soft hum of the aquarium, which normally comforted Shepard with the reminder that she was safe in her quarters. Instead, now it served as a reminder of the painful silences that accompanied the two.

"If you don't want to tell me, that's fi-"

"You don't get it, because you've never been through what I've been through. You don't know what it's like. You don't know what it's like to be robbed of a childhood. You don't know what it's like to wake up every day wondering what kind of disease you'll be infected with, how many children your age you'll have to murder for your captor's own sick amusement. The reasons I need my students, Shepard, is because I never, ever, ever want another kid gifted with biotics to be exploited. I never want to see another kid attacked and abused because of their gift. I would not wish the shit I went through on my own worst enemy, and I am sure as hell not going to let these kids get even a taste of what I was fed every day of my entire fucking childhood." Jack's words struggled out of her as tears began to trail down her cheeks.

Now Evan was the one struck silent. "I understand."

"No. No, you don't, Shepard," Jack cried out, shaking her fists and lifting up her head. "No one does."

Evan has never seen Jack cry, and she preferred it that way. Seeing a person as hardened as Jack with tears crawling down their face made her feel sick. The girl she longed after was now a vulnerable, emotionally compromised being who seemed human for the first time. Although the attraction and affection still lingered strongly, Evan now primarily felt sympathy towards the biotic.

The human Spectre wrapped her left arm around Jack's neck, gently pulling her towards her as she leaned her head onto Jack's. Jack retaliated by turning her head into Shepard's shoulder as she wept. The motion of Shepard's chest rising and falling with each breath lulled Jack into a calm as her sobs gradually ceased into muffled breaths. No words were exchanged, but Jack's quietness and willingness to keep on Evan's shoulder communicated more than conversation ever would.

"You can help make sure no one goes through what you did by helping me stop Cerberus," Evan suggested softly, pulling her head away.

"I know. That's why I'm here." Jack's voice was calmer.

"We need you here, Jack. I need you."

Jack sat up and shot a disgusted look at Shepard. "Is this what this is all about? Is that all you care about?"

"What do you mean? I didn't say anything."

"You don't have to say anything. Dammit, Shepard, I know you're thinking it. Every fucking person I've ever become involved with has used me and tossed me aside like I'm some broken skank. I don't need anyone, I don't need love or whatever senseless crap you're thinking of. I just need myself and my kids."

Evan took a moment to carefully calculate a response as the biotic avoided eye contact. "I'm not going to use you, Jack. I really want you, and I want to make things work. I'm not going to give up on you this easily."

Jack shook her head, regaining eye contact with the floor. "Don't think you're the only person to be persistent. Persistence is nothing. It just means you're too weak to let go."

"Jack, you know me. You know me better than most people on this ship. I don't know why you think I'm going to be like the rest. I really do care about you, and I sincerely want you to stop Cerberus with me. There are no strings attached, there is no catch. I'm in it for the long run."

"I don't care what you're in it for, Shepard. God, I just...I can't right now. I can't, okay? You're going to hurt me or I'm going to hurt you or I don't fucking know, I just can't."

Evan felt the affliction of Jack's words in her core. Moments passed before either of the two women dared to break the lull in conversation. "Could you at least think it over?" Shepard asked.

"Yeah, whatever. Just don't expect anything." Jack hastily got off the bed and headed to the door. She halted at the entrance and took a strong breath. "Thanks for the talk, by the way," she said, holding her head down as she placed her hand on the wall next to the exit.

"I hope you feel better." Shepard regained her proud composure, despite the heartache she was feeling.

"Yeah...you too."

* * *

"Commander, forgive me if this sounds unprofessional, but are you okay?" Traynor asked, turning from her station.

It was late enough in the day that most of the crew was concentrating on finishing up their daily tasks and heading off to the quarters to slumber for the night. The air was heavy with the sounds of yawns and sighs as the clock slowly delivered the promising end of a hard day's work. Despite the quiet and stress-free time of day, the Spectre felt worse than she has in months. Evan thought back to the conversation she just held with Jack, wondering if she really meant it when she promise she'd think it over. No, she wasn't okay. She was distracted, she was occupied, she was infatuated for the first time in ages, and loathing it. She could not, however, under any circumstance present any sort of weakness and uncertainty to her loyal crew.

"Yeah, I'm all right. I've been better, though," the commander sighed, boredly sifting through her new e-mails.

"If there's anything wrong, you know, I could be a friend and a specialist. My offer for a drink is always standing," the specialist nervously suggested.

Shepard remained quiet for a good few moments before allowing herself to respond. If there was anything Evan needed, it was to focus her attention on defeating the Reapers and pushing back Cerberus. Despite these needed efforts, however, she craved a drink to soothe her head. Again. "I might take you up on that, actually."

"Oh really?" Samantha felt her heart race, not expecting her commander to accept her offer. "Anytime you want, just tell me."

"Now," Evan stressed, holding her head between her arms as she leaned into the bridge.

"N-now?"

"Yes, now," Evan repeated, leaving her terminal.

Samantha's head went light as the moment she's replayed over in her head hundreds of times finally fabricated itself. Her admiration for Shepard was met only by her desire to share a non-professional relationship with the commander. One that surpassed the boundaries of updating her on her private messages, or the data she analyzed. "I get off in ten minutes, if you...I mean, I don't have anything to drink, I was thinking we could get something at Purgatory-"

"I have something to drink. Relax, Traynor. Meet me in my quarters in twenty." Shepard started for the elevator without looking for Traynor's response. "And dress comfortably."


	5. Deception

**AN: **Semi-smut chapter ahead. Not super explicit, as per guidelines.

* * *

Deep breath in, deep breath out. Such a mundane, regular function of the body became a labored task for Shepard as she tried to distract herself. The worry of Jack's promise to "think it over" hung over her head like unstable rain cloud, preparing itself for a storm. Sitting in her quarters, appreciating the smaller details of her room - the way the fish seemed to move in unison at times, her extensive model collection, the comfortable, warm air - Evan attempted to admire the little things in life she had to balance out all the bad that was happening. Her room was a museum of the life of a woman shaped by pride and charismatic success, who was expected to save several species from certain fate. She hadn't forgotten about the war. Not with the constant reminders from her crew, from Hackett, from her private terminal that flashed green with repetition. Evan thought about needing a companion beside her to stop the Reapers, and thought about how ridiculous it was to be infatuated with someone as independent and distant as Jack. It was time to move on, the commander painfully admitted to herself as she started working on the brandy she was saving up for Samantha, who was due at any moment.

"Commander," a shy voice spoke.

Evan didn't even hear the door open, she was so consumed in her thoughts. "Samantha," she informally addressed the specialist. "We can drop the titles tonight. We're off-duty and meeting as friends."

Traynor sheepishly nodded. Instead of being suited-up, her bronze skin was exposed with the amount of freedom her flattering black dress allowed, hugging her in all the places she wanted Evan to notice. Hearing the commander address her by her first name excited her as much as it did scare her. Despite her devoted admiration for her commander, the casual presence of Evan intimidated Samantha. Never before has she felt so self-conscious about her appearance, and acknowledging the fact that Evan was severely distressed made her curious as to what her motives to inviting her up were. She didn't know what to say, and it was clear from Shepard's frivolous position on her sofa that Shepard was not expecting to hear anything about her new messages, which was all she knew how to talk about with the Spectre.

"So," Samantha said, attempting to steal away the silence, "you've got a really nice place up here."

"Yeah, when you're the commander you're allowed to be spoiled a little. I figure that I might as well share it with my crew as much as possible." Evan made room for Traynor on her couch. "Sit down, stop looking so nervous."

Traynor joined Shepard, sitting up proudly in hopes of Shepard noticing the way her dress accented her physique.

"Drink? All I have right now is brandy."

Samantha was not a huge fan of brandy, but did not want to turn down Shepard. "Yes, that would be great."

Evan started pouring her guest the drink before speaking. "It's hard work, being the Commander."

"I can only imagine," Traynor over-enthusiastically agreed, taking a short sip of the bitter drink.

"In order for me to be at my best and ensure total victory, as you may know, I need to make sure I have the best crew. I need to make sure everyone working on the Normandy is the best at what they do."

"...Well, yes. I can understand that." Traynor hoped Shepard was not going to start criticizing all of her hard work. Has she done something wrong? Her heart started to race in her chest as she became a little generous with her sips of brandy.

"And I just wanted to say, you're a damn good team mate, Samantha. You've been on top of things and you've caught things even EDI let slip by."

Samantha breathed with relief and found herself smiling against her will. "Thank you, Com - Evan. It really is a pleasure to work under you. I mean, for you. To work for you." Samantha's smile faded as she bit her lip and averted her gaze downward in embarrassment.

Evan smirked at her slip up. She always secretly suspected the specialist had a thing for her, and found it adorable in an endearing way. She'd be lying to herself if she said she's never fantasized about it, but her recent preoccupation with Jack proved it difficult for her to turn her affection towards another woman lately. "It's a pleasure to work over you, then."

"What's it like, though? Being Commander?" Samantha asked, quickly trying to change the subject. "I imagine it's quite satisfying."

"Satisfying, yes," Shepard agreed, finishing off her glass. "Easy, no. You can't please everyone, and there are people out there who will take no caution to do whatever they can to sabotage you."

Samantha noticed a decrease in Shepard's enthusiasm as she sulked into the cushion. "I'm sorry, I can imagine."

"It's worth it, though," Evan assured. "It's worth it to know you're making a difference and saving those who have nowhere else to turn." As the words fell out of her mouth, Evan started to realize how she was taking her position of commander for granted. Despite the several distractions that were accumulating, she would never get tired of saving humanity for the better good.

"You are making a difference, Commander. I mean, Evan. I'm so sorry, hard to break old habits, you know." Samantha spoke faster to cover up her fumble. "Anyway, working for you is one of the greatest pleasures I've ever had in life. While the conditions I live in aren't exactly always ideal," Traynor informed, eyeing the commander's lavish quarters, "those brief exchanges you and I have every day always make it worth it."

Evan's interest sparked. Samantha ended her compliment with a smile that would make even the most hardened criminal blush. Perhaps, Evan questioned, this was something worth pushing for.

"Really? I make it all worth it?" Evan asked, sitting up.

Traynor responded with a bashful nod and a finishing sip of her drink. Beneath the hand that covered her face while she drank, she was blushing. Her crush on Shepard was something she swore she'd keep to herself, but the relaxed atmosphere, candid appearance of Evan and the alcohol made inhibitions a little looser tonight.

Evan paused to appreciate the oddly comfortable silence they shared. "Do you want another drink?" she offered, noticing Traynor's empty glass.

"No," she refused, pushing the glass away. "I'm good." Samantha still felt the flavor from her last drink burning her throat.

"So, Samantha," Shepard started. "How have you been getting along with the crew?"

"Oh, we get along wonderfully," Traynor smiled. "I mean, at least with the people I've talked to."

"Any problems with anyone? Anyone been giving you a hard time for being the new one around here? If there's someone you need me to 'talk to', I'm always willing to."

"No, no," Samantha assured, shaking her head. "No one. Sometimes, though, I swear out of the corner of my eye I can see some of our, erm, male crew mates eyeing me up."

"Is that so? Is it something you want me to address?" Evan asked.

"Well, it's just...I'm not exactly into men," she confessed, taking a moment to scan the commander's body, hoping she'd take notice.

"I understand, I'm not exactly exclusive to one team but let's just say I find myself appreciating the ladies more." Shepard paused and took a deep breath, slowly analyzing what she was about to ask. She wasn't quite sure how she felt about Samantha, all she knew was that, in this moment in time, she needed a distraction from Jack, and the specialist was proving to be quite a diversion. "Is there anyone in particular you're interested in?"

"Yes, there is. There is...but I'm not sure if she's interested in me."

"You should go for it. You're a sensible, beautiful, intelligent young woman. I'm sure she wants you, too." Evan honestly could say she thought all of these things about Traynor, despite being unsure about her stance of how she felt about her.

Samantha swore her heart was about to take flight out of her chest. She knew the commander was catching on, but was too anxious to be too direct. "I'm waiting for her to make the first move, though."

Without pressing any further, Shepard pushed herself onto the specialist and joined their lips tenderly. Samantha's heart jumped high enough that she was sure it was the lump she felt in her throat as her body seized with surprise. After a few seconds of processing, she fell into the kiss and threw her arms around Shepard's neck, allowing herself to be pushed into the cushions by Evan.

_I don't know why I'm doing this_, Shepard admitted to herself while the woman beneath her cherished her taste. She admired Samantha, and if there was any woman she was interested in besides Jack, it was her. That was the problem, though - Jack was the one thing that was occupying her mind the most; she wasn't sure if there was enough room for another. Still, as she savored the surprisingly pleasant taste of Traynor on her mouth, she discovered herself wanting more from the specialist.

"Maybe we should take this somewhere else," Shepard gasped, pulling away from the embrace.

Samantha responded with a wanting groan before Evan got off of the couch and dared to gaze at the specialist, sending her a stare so warm Samantha felt her stomach knot with anticipation. Traynor took control of the situation and lightly pushed the Commander onto her bed.

Shepard's thoughts wandered as she stared up at the ceiling of her quarters while Traynor landed soft kisses and licks on the base of her neck. She closed her eyes, quite forcefully, and allowed these roaming thoughts to consume her already clouded conscious. Taking little note of the pre-occupied Spectre she started to service, Samantha took no liberty to take it slow - she hastily removed Shepard from the minimal pieces of clothing that restrained her, gifting herself a moment to fathom the exposed body of the woman she admired. Traynor nuzzled Evan's torso lightly, expectantly not surprised at how well-shaped and toned Evan's figure was. Despite Samantha's affections, unfortunately, Evan's thoughts still grasped on firmly to worries about Jack.

_When the hell is Jack going to get back to me? Is she really going to think it over, or was that a bluff to get me to get off her back? _Evan sighed over the realization that her attempt to distract her from Jack failed, and started feeling genuinely guilty that she was almost taking advantage of the poor specialist on top of her.

Evan yelped as the sensation of Samantha's mouth on her rising chest grabbed her conscious. Her eyes opened and shot down to Traynor, whose dress was tossed quite neatly onto the bed beside them in a black pile. Somewhere along her fumbling with the commander's clothes and planting kisses on her torso, Traynor managed to remove her own dress and reveal a slender frame. Marveling at the beauty before her, Shepard placed a hand softly on the back of Traynor's head, grasping lightly on a bundle of black hair as Traynor descended down her body. As much as she wanted to focus on the woman servicing her, her mind consisted solely of curiosities about the biotic. _I've made a mistake, I'm only doing this to get back at Jack. I don't want Samantha, I want Jack, _she confessed to herself.

An unexpected moan escaped Evan's mouth as soon as Traynor finally reached her intended destination, causing Shepard to snap back into the reality that was in front of her. It's been so long since Shepard has properly been with another woman that she forgot how great it felt for someone else to touch her, and, as if on cue, her worries about Jack seemed to fade away. Evan urged Samantha to continue with involuntary moans that came from her very core as she approached a climax. She wanted Samantha. She wanted Samantha to taste her and she wanted the release she's needed for months. When she finally reached relief, her body convulsed with such force, Traynor had to use her smooth hands to hold the Spectre down on the mattress, which shook in rhythm to Evan's release.

Evan took more than a few moments to fully recover from the brief session, laboring breaths and concentration while Samantha crawled up next to her new partner. "So," Traynor began with a satisfied grinned, "I think that girl I'm interested in, is interested in me too."

"Oh? What makes you say that?" Shepard teased, eventually fully cooled down.

"Well, we just had the most _amazing_ sex," Samantha laughed.

Evan considered offering to return the favor, but truly felt too exhausted to even conjure up a witty reply.

"You look tired," Samantha noticed, a smile still lingering on her face.

"I am. I'm...I'm sorry, I'd love to, you know, return the favor, but-"

"No, no, Evan, it's quite all right, really now." Samantha propped herself up and stared off into seemingly nothing, a trembling smile plastered on her face. "I did what I wanted."

"I'm glad."

Evan felt better. She felt satisfied and was relieved she was able to turn her affections onto another woman, freeing her from the restraints Jack placed on her mind.

At least, for now.


	6. Confrontation

"So, I thought tonight we could perhaps take some shore leave and, well...go out," Samantha nervously suggested to Evan, who was fiddling through her private terminal.

The past few nights only saw deployment, bloodshed, and politics. Evan's previous realization of her time being consumed and scarce was only proving itself to be more true as each day came to an excruciating end. In the brief moments that the two were able to interact at the Galaxy Map, the most they were able to sneak in without causing suspicion was a quick "good-luck" peck on the lips and a "good-bye" embrace. Samantha was in it for the long run-that, she warned to Evan after their first encounter. Maintaining anything with Shepard, however, would automatically require an insane amount of patience.

"I don't see the harm in that," Shepard responded, noting their lack of time together lately.

"Wonderful. You know, it's been so long since I've been on the Citadel, and...I'm not exactly the type of person who likes to go to nightclubs, but-"

"Relax, Samantha," Evan grinned, turning the terminal off. She paused and listened to the sounds of the CIC that shadowed over her. The white noise that she usually tuned out seemed almost soothing now. "I'll tell you what, we can take a quick visit to the Citadel before I head off to Tuchanka. Maybe just take a few moments to ourselves on the Presidium."

"That sounds perfect," Samantha sighed.

"Don't get too comfortable, though," Evan dared to warn, abandoning her terminal. The commander strolled over to the specialist and placed her fingertips on the Traynor's sharp hips. "I can't take that much time off for myself anymore. I still have that war thing going on, you know."

Traynor smiled and nestled her chin on the commander's shoulder. The falling and rising of Shepard's torso underneath her head renewed her anxiety with the intense adoration she's felt since she first laid eyes on her. "Of course, right. I knew that. I just wanted some time with you, is all."

"Consider it done. I hope I'm not spoiling you all too much," Evan teased as she pulled Traynor closer to her, filling the small space between the two women's bodies.

"No, you're not, believe me," Samantha assured, recovering her head from the grove in Shepard's neck. "I've been working like a dog lately, I absolutely need a break."

"We all need one," Evan sympathized, withdrawing from her lover's hold. "Just hold on a few more hours and we'll be there. In the mean time, I have to touch base with Anderson about a few issues."

"Of course, _Commande_r," Samantha enthused. She adored the rush she got from addressing Evan by her authoritative title.

* * *

"It's beautiful," was all Samantha could say as she perched on the edge of her chair, scanning the Presidium. "Absolutely beautiful."

"It almost makes you forget about everything going on," Evan sighed, displaying a more liberated, relaxed pose in her chair. "It's as if these people don't want to face the reality of war."

"They do, I'm sure they do." Traynor's sight was overwhelmed with the glorious white and green that saturated the view in an almost surreal fashion. The artificial sunlight seemed more authentic than the natural sun she experienced back on Earth. It was a stark, welcome contrast from the darkness and dullness the Normandy had to offer. "But it's just been so long since I've taken time off of that ship. When you're in a place like this, you don't care about war. It's almost as if you don't understand how something so awful could be going on when there's somewhere as peaceful as here."

"I suppose you do have a point there," Shepard sighed, leaning an elbow on the table.

"Look, I know you feel as if this is all up to you, but it's not."

"It is, Samantha. You don't have to try to make me feel better, I know what I'm doing. Let's just say I'm not new to this whole situation. I just hope I don't let everyone down, it wouldn't be the first time."

"Lighten up, princess," Samantha teased, whirling around in her seat to face the commander. "Tonight's not about the war, tonight's about getting our mind off of it. Just relax, it'll all be alright."

"I've been doing too much of that. Believe me when I say my mind's been focused on other things," Evan breathed, averting her sight up to the top of the Presidium towers.

"I sure do hope I'm one of those thoughts," Samantha wished out loud, gifting Shepard a concerned look. She could not help but take note of Shepard's recent emotional distance, even if the two have only been involved for a few days.

Evan could not shake the uneasy feeling she got about Samantha and her. She adored Traynor, but unpredictable thoughts of Jack infiltrated her mind whenever she was caught off guard, like a virus attacking her conscious. The regret she felt in her stomach when they first got together was starting to renew itself, this time with a side of guilt.

"Evan, I don't know what's been bothering you lately, but if there's anything I could do to help, you know I'm here for you."

"It means a lot, but it's nothing of your concern."

Samantha nodded, defeated and feeling dismissed. "I understand, then."

"Hey, Commander, Traynor," a familiar voice interrupted.

"Hey, Joker," Evan greeted with a delighted smile, fixing her posture.

Samantha simply edged a small grin at the pilot, feeling her anxiety rekindle in her chest. Her worries about Shepard only grew each time the commander ignored her concerns.

Joker grabbed the empty seat next to them, carefully easing himself into it. "Anything new happening?"

"Not really, just the usual. Trying to push the denial out of my head and focus on stopping the Reaper invasion," Shepard responded.

"Yeah, that's not the way to think about this whole thing. Small steps, Commander. Start by focusing on all the shit that's going Tuchanka right now."

"Curing the genophage would give us the krogan advantage," Samantha added.

"Yeah, I know that. It'd be easier if the salarians weren't on my ass about it."

"You seriously think the krogan, of all species, would help us out here?" Joker asked, shaking his head.

"I do, if we can save their species. Krogans love to fight, Joker."

"Yeah, good luck. We're better off reviving the Protheans than getting krogan support. "

"So, Joker, what brings you here?" Shepard impatiently asked, noticing Samantha looking uneasy at his presence.

"Well, I wanted to talk to you about EDI," Joker admitted, looking over at the AI, who was nearby at the market.

"Of course you do," Shepard smiled, cocking her head to the side.

"It's just-this feels kind of...weird," he confessed, his voice cracking. "I mean, don't get me wrong. She's incredible, but...I mean, let's just say it's been a while for me."

Evan let out a small laugh. "Joker, she's perfect for you. You don't really have to worry about getting her to like you, she already made it clear she sees you as a boyfriend."

"It's not that, it's the-well, it's the physical aspect of it."

"Well, I thought she wasn't equi-"

"No, no, no. Not that. I mean just, in general... you know what I mean." Joker was visibly getting increasingly nervous, fidgeting around. He grabbed the rim of his hat and adjusted its fit. "Vrolik syndrome makes even hugging risky."

"Risky, yes, but that doesn't mean something bad is guaranteed to happen. You have other things to worry about right now."

Samantha boredly looked out at the environment, ignoring the two's conversation.

"I can't pilot a ship with broken bones, Commander. With the way my legs are, I'm lucky I can still walk," Joker raised his voice.

"Just-"

"Is that...is that Jack?" Samantha spoke up, craning her head.

"What?" Shepard's chest tensed up, snapping her head to where Traynor was.

"Crap, I should go," Joker announced, not wanting to interact with the biotic. He grunted, leaving his chair as fast as his condition would allow him. "Thanks for the talk, Commander."

Shepard barely acknowledged Joker's departure and instead gazed off into the distance, where a recognizable shadow approached them. As much as she wished Samantha was hallucinating, it was Jack, who was gaining towards the two's table.

"Great, another visitor," Samantha mumbled.

Shepard never once mentioned her infatuation on Jack to Traynor. She had not forgotten about the last time the two talked, how Jack promised she'd think it over. She hastily glanced over at Traynor, heart pounding in her chest, unsure of what to do. Samantha simply responded with a neutral eyebrow raise.

"Shepard," was all Jack was able to vocalize when she reached the two women.

"Jack," Shepard recognized, a strain of anxiety in her address. "What are you doing on the Presidium?"

"I came here to see you, actually." She shot a stern look to the commander, confirming Shepard's hunch that she was not here to simply chat.

"Samantha, excuse us for a moment." Shepard rushed out of her chair, signaling with her finger for Jack to follow her.

"Shepard, what the hell are you doing?" Jack snarled, once they were a safe distance away from Traynor.

"What do you mean, exactly?" For once in her life, Evan wished Jack wasn't there, repressing her affections for the biotic was easier when she was absent.

"You seriously don't think I know you fucked Traynor?"

"How do you know that? Who told you?"

"Everyone knows it, Shepard," Jack spat, wrinkling her face into an intense glare. "It doesn't even matter how I know. I just don't get why the hell you would go all soft-hearted pussy on me and then go off and sleep with some chick you barely know."

"I know her pretty well, but alright. You made it very clear you didn't want anything with me, was I supposed to mope over you, or was I supposed to man-the-fuck-up and move on?" Shepard hoped Jack wouldn't see through her lie about moving on. She almost felt pathetic for how deeply she still cared for the frantic woman in front of her.

"I didn't say that," Jack hissed. "I said I'd think it over."

"So I guess you decided 'yes'," Evan inferred, calming down. She casually glanced over at Traynor, who was watching the two intently. Guilt settled into her chest as she finally accepted the fact that she'd still rather be with Jack than the woman who truly adored her.

Jack shook her head at the commander. "I did, but it seems like you had other plans."

"I still want to try it, Jack. I'll break it off with Traynor if you want me to." Shepard momentarily processed how difficult it would be for Traynor to come to terms with the two having to split up. She knew, however, that continuing anything with the specialist would only end in heart break, possibly on both ends. The relationship was fresh enough that the wounds would be smaller and heal faster, she justified, trying to convince herself it was the right choice.

"You're damn right you will. Poor girl might actually start to think you love her." Jack crossed her arms and leaned on the railings that served as the perimeter around the commons. "And you're lucky you're in charge of the war right now, because I swear to God, Shepard, if you weren't, and you step one fucking toe out of line from here on, I would make your life a living hell."

Shepard nodded and ended the conversation with a sigh, conjuring up motivation inside of her. Her body pivoted towards Samantha, who perked her body up at the sight of Evan facing her.

"Evan," Jack called.

"Yeah?"

"Good luck." Evan swore she saw a smile tug at Jack's mouth.

* * *

**AN**: Thanks for the followers/faves so far, guys. It means a lot, really. I look forward to posting future chapters. c: I have a lot of ideas for this story.


	7. Guilt

_Jack is finally mine_. That phrase echoed through Shepard's head while she absently approached her oblivious lover, who awaited her return for quite some time now. The distance between her and Traynor was only a few feet, but it seemed like miles. Samantha was loving, affectionate, and seemingly already emotionally committed to the commander, despite their brief affair. Ending it with her on good terms appeared almost impossible, especially considering that their relationship was built on Shepard taking advantage of her to rid her infatuation with Jack.

"What did she want from you?" Traynor spoke faster than usual as Shepard returned to her seat.

Even briefly exchanging eye contact hurt Evan. She could see the sincere adoration in the specialist's eyes as she gazed at Shepard like a worried retriever. Shepard held her chin with her hand as she carefully selected her words. "Look, Traynor...I didn't want to do it this way, but..."

"Please don't tell me you're going to say what I think you are." Traynor's face turned to pure panic. "It's too soon for this, Shepard."

"It's not fair to you...Samantha. You deserve the truth, and the truth is, I'm only going to hurt you. I can't make things work with us." Shepard spoke with a calm voice, but her head grew weak as she witnessed Samantha's heart break with each word. "I'm so sorry."

"What did she want from you?" Samantha asked with a surprisingly steady voice, despite her pained face. "What did Jack say?"

"I'm going to try it with her."

"Her? You're going to try with her? Of all the people...her?" Samantha repeated in complete disbelief.

"Yeah, her." Shepard did not feel the need to explain her decision, and figured that describing to Traynor why she admired the rebellious biotic would only complicate the situation at hand.

Traynor supported her forehead with her trembling hand as she took a moment before verbally responding. Shepard peeked back at Jack, who watched the two intently with a seemingly apathetic look on her face. However elated Shepard was for finally obtaining Jack, was edged out by the guilt she felt over hurting Traynor - who was still struck silent. Despite her concerns prior about the commander, Samantha still was not expecting Shepard to end things so quickly. Perhaps they could have talked it out, or perhaps they could have tried it for a little while, but the sternness of Evan's voice voided any of those hopes.

"I can't change anything, can I, Evan?" Traynor finally said, staring down at the table. "I can't change your mind?"

"No."

Traynor stood up from her seat and looked down at Shepard with a face red from sadness. No tears were produced yet, but the shine of her eyes told Shepard she was close to crying. "At the very least, thanks for trying." Samantha's voice stayed as collected as it could. She knew there was no hope in chastising Evan for her decision. "Commander."

Shepard watched with a knotted stomach as the specialist left the area. As proud as her walk was, her defeated psyche shone through as a hurried pace. Evan was surprised at how well the specialist seemed to handle her decision, but knew very well that she was hurting more than she showed.

"That was fast," Jack huffed, taking Samantha's former seat.

"She seemed to take it pretty well. Too well, I'd say." Shepard knew she would eventually have a more intense confrontation with the specialist once the shock died down.

"You two were only screwing for like, what, three days?"

"I wouldn't exactly say we did a lot of that," Shepard corrected, trying to push out the guilt that still lingered.

"Doesn't matter, anyway. You belong to me now." Despite the sentimental phrase, the biotic's tone was more mischievous than affectionate. "And I'm not going to let you forget that."

"Really?" Shepard asked, feeling her mood elevate. "How so?"

"Let's just say I'm not a lay anyone forgets," Jack teased.

Shepard's body flinched a little after the biotic shot her a powerful, telling stare. Her previous remorse about Traynor started to slip away quicker as she started to fall in love with Jack's presence all over again. God, how she missed Jack's dominance and delinquency. "I can't wait to see for myself," she purred, almost forgetting she was in public.

Jack took little caution to be subtle while her hand slid itself onto Evan's thigh, fingertips applying just enough pressure to ease a gasp out of Shepard. Evan's body hunched up in a wave at the intrusion of Jack's touch, hoping her gasp wasn't enough to gather the public's attention. The two broke their eye contact, scanning the area at the surrounding people to ensure no one was watching them.

"I can give you a taste, if you want," Jack softly grinned, still looking away from the Spectre.

Evan refused to respond with words - instead, she inched her body closer to Jack, barely half of her body still occupying the chair. Jack recognized her hint, trailing her hand over to Shepard's inner thigh and halting her movement there. Her fingers started to rhythmically stroke Evan's clothed leg, increasing the amount of pressure she applied, occasionally grazing Evan's sensitive area with the side of her finger.

Shepard released a quiet groan as she grew almost uncomfortably turned on. She was more turned on by the fact that it was Jack who was starting to touch her, more than the actual physical stimulation itself. All of those nights she spent alone these past few weeks being forced to service herself, her unrestrained mind always wandered to Jack. Having it finally happen to her, even if she was out in public, was overwhelming. Her eyes fluttered shut, her chin dipping down to her chest as her ability to remain inconspicuous started to fade.

Barely a moment passed before Jack decided to slide her entire hand completely between Shepard's legs, pressing hard into the fabric enough to tease the already wanting commander. Even though getting caught could potentially taint Shepard's reputation, it didn't stop her from egging Jack on with an aching moan, tightening her legs around her new partner's hand in an attempt to bring closer contact.

Despite the trembling woman in front of her, pining for release, Jack removed her hand from Shepard and brought it back up to the table.

"What made you stop?" Shepard groaned.

"I said I'd give you a taste. Just a taste." Jack smirked at Shepard, as if she enjoyed seeing her sexually frustrated.

"You're such a tease, you know that?" Shepard shifted her legs uncomfortably, attempting to rid the arousal she felt.

As her head became more level, she realized how lucky they were that they didn't get spotted. The commons was starting to crowd up as the night grew older. Fortunately, though, the quick glance around the Presidium she stole assured her that no one she knew was around. Even Joker and EDI seemed to have disappeared elsewhere.

"I bet I got your mind off of Traynor, huh?" Jack taunted, cocking her head to the side.

"I'm not hung up on her. You know you were the one I wanted this whole time."

"Yeah, I know, save the romantic shit for later. I know someone in pain when I see it, and that girl was in pain. And I know you're the touchy-feely sort of person who gets sad when others are sad."

Evan was definitely not in the mood to discuss the shame she felt. "Don't worry about it."

"All right, but I don't want to hear about it later, okay?" To Shepard, that sounded more like a command than a request.

"So, do you do that to everyone? Tease them to the brink of finishing and then stop?"

"Only if I really like them," Jack responded, relaxing a bit.

"I guess it's starting to get late," Evan noticed. "But you wouldn't know it by this damned artificial sunlight."

"So I guess now you're going to ask me to come back to your quarters with you."

"You're not very subtle, are you?" Shepard asked, a grin pulling on the corner of her mouth.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Do you want me to dance around the subject? Should we go to Purgatory, get some drinks in us, and pass out before we reach the airlock, or do you want to skip the bullshit?"

"Point taken," Evan agreed. Jack's straightforwardness was always a trait of hers that Shepard admired. "So, do you wanna come back up to my place?"

"What the fuck do you think?" Jack replied, hurrying out of her chair.

* * *

When the two arrived back at the Normandy, the emptiness of the ship alerted them that most of the crew was still scattered around the Citadel. It wasn't often that they were able to partake in a night off, and Shepard knew that the next morning would be full of hungover and exhausted crew mates who would groan at even the simplest command. Even though Evan was not looking forward to the dullness tomorrow guaranteed, she appreciated having almost the entire ship to themselves. Her anticipation, however, was cut short when she noticed Traynor back at her terminal.

"Jack, meet me up in my cabin. I'll be there soon," Shepard commanded.

"Just where the fuck are you going?"

"Just go."

Jack responded with a bemused look on her face, but reluctantly obeyed and headed towards the elevator. Traynor briefly got a glimpse of the biotic, before turning her attention back on her terminal with a sigh. Jack stared at Shepard, realizing exactly why she needed to stay on the deck a little longer.

"Samantha..." Shepard spoke, once Jack was gone. "I really need to apologize."

"I don't care, Shepard. It's not my business what you're doing." Traynor appeared to be more apathetic than she was earlier in the day. It almost seemed as if she truly did not care.

"I'm just really sorry. It was wrong of me to use you like that. You don't deserve that."

"I know." Samantha refused to even acknowledge Shepard with eye contact.

Evan nodded, accepting that Samantha was not going to oblige in any sort of conversation. "It'll mean the world to me if we could go back to being friends."

Traynor remained silent, which hurt more than anything she could say.

"Good night, then," Shepard breathed, entering the elevator.

As if suddenly remembering her professional position, Samantha weakly responded. "Good night, Commander."

* * *

**AN**: I'm going to Disney World soon and won't be back for another week, so it might be a little while until the next chapter (which is going to pick up from this moment, I promise). Thanks for your patience! 8)

Oh, and I'd love some reviews! I don't have many and it's hard to know what people think of the story without them - if there's anything you like, or that you don't like, I encourage you to tell me!


	8. Release

**AN: Smut chapter ahoy!**

* * *

The elevator ride seemed unbearably long. With the unfulfilling relationship Shepard just ended with Traynor, alone time with the woman she's longed after would only offer relief and a welcome change of pace. She fantasized about how the scene would play out once the doors to her chambers parted: she'd grab Jack with as much force as a frustrated Spectre could muster, throw her onto her bed, and experience the night she's yearned for, for almost weeks. Maybe she'd sneak in a kiss or two, maybe she'd suck on the biotic's neck for a few moments...

Evan's thoughts were so captivating that she was barely able to notice that the elevator door opened. Forcing herself out of the fantasy, Shepard hurriedly strolled out of the elevator and paused for a moment in front of the doors to her quarters. She briefly wondered how Jack would greet her - was she on the other side of the door, waiting to jump Shepard; was she posed on the bed, or was she, perhaps, sifting through some music to set the tone of the night? The arousal Shepard felt earlier in the night slowly fluttered throughout Evan's body as a side effect of the anticipation - the night she's been waiting for was only moments away.

The doors chirped over, and Evan swore they opened slower than usual - parting as though they were gates to a utopian land. However, instead of any of the scenarios Evan conjured up in her mind, Jack was sprawled out on the bed, as if she flopped down from exhaustion with her face buried in one of the pillows. Shepard's excitement faded away, painfully replaced with disappointment.

"Well, you sure know how to set the mood," Shepard said, settling herself onto the bed next to Jack.

"Excuse me for being a little tired and not wanting to dress myself up like some cheap slut. How did it go with Traynor?" Jack asked, her words muffled and barely audible.

"Is that really what you want to do right now?" Evan sighed, although with a slight smirk. Jack's concern about Traynor and Shepard warmed her a little.

"Jesus, Shepard, I'm just curious." Jack rolled over onto her back and focused her half-lidded sight on the Spectre.

"She doesn't want to talk. I don't know what else to do but wait for her to get over it."

"Wow, poor thing. That really sucks for her," Jack grinned, shifting her gaze to the stars that were framed in the window above them.

"Yeah, thanks. As if I don't already feel guilty about it," Shepard sneered.

"Stop worrying so much about it. It was a short-lived fling, if anything. All I really want to know is why you slept with her, since you don't really seem to give a shit about her."

Shepard took a moment to respond to Jack, filling with the pause with a nervous sigh. She never confessed the reason behind her affair out loud, only occasionally to herself in fleeting moments of weakness. "It was to get over you."

"And did it work?"

"No. Obviously not."

The biotic sat herself up, supporting herself on the bed with her hands. She looked down at Evan, who was too anxious to meet her gaze. "That's...that's pretty sweet."

"Really? You actually think something is 'sweet?'" Shepard's smile slowly resumed itself, her cheeks flushing red. Anytime Jack displayed even a hint of warmth, it elated her.

"Yeah, I do. I think it's pretty sweet you're willing to screw other girls to get me out of your head."

"Of all the things to think as 'sweet'...that's probably the worst thing I could have done." Evan's smile faded as reality settled back into her stomach. The image of a lonely, crushed Traynor slaving away at her terminal, knowing they were both up in their room alone...Evan wondered why Jack kept bringing Traynor up, since it only worsened her mood. "I really don't want to talk about it, I'm sure I told you that earlier. And if we're asking questions, I need to ask you something."

"Yeah, anything you want. Just know there are some things I really don't feel like explaining."

"Not even to your girlfriend?" Girlfriend. Shepard's heart sparked a bit as she spoke, still in disbelief she could call Jack a partner.

Jack shook her head, as if she was almost disgusted by the official title. It was going to take a while to get used to their new status – for both of them. "Just ask me the fucking question."

"What made you decide you wanted me afterall? From the way you were acting, I got the impression you weren't interested in starting anything with me."

"It's not that I wasn't interested in you," Jack informed in a near-growl. "It's that I wasn't sure how I felt about a relationship. You know that."

"That doesn't exactly answer my question."

"Because I like you. You're...I don't know, you're hot."

"And?"

"And...you're the only person who actually treats me like a person. Like I'm not some dangerous animal you have to touch with a twenty foot stick. And I figured you wouldn't hurt me like the others."

"Aww," Shepard purred, turning onto her side to face Jack.

"Yeah, it's sweet, I get it. I wasn't exactly planning on talking about our feelings or whatever tonight, though."

"Really?" Shepard teased. She sat herself up to next Jack, placing a lone finger on her arm. Her finger traced up and down the leather that covered her tattooed skin, rising up and down with the metal studs in a soft rhythm. "What exactly did you have in mind, then?"

"Seems like you already have it figured out," Jack said, perking the edge of her mouth up in a grin.

"I thought you said you were tired."

"I'm never too tired to get laid."

Although that wasn't exactly the romantic invitation she was expecting, Shepard brought her head forward just enough to meet her mouth with Jack's, hand still lingered on her forearm. Her entire hand grasped desperately onto Jack's jacket, fearing if she had no support she would fall into the bed from how badly her muscles were shaking. Relief came, accompanied with renewed excitement, when she sensed Jack welcomed her intrusion with the parting of her lips. Evan wondered, eyes closed, about how much Jack was enjoying it – she so badly wanted to open her eyes, fixate her sight on Jack and gauge her reaction, hoping she was into it as she was. With these thoughts causing slight anxiety, she had to tell herself to shut up and enjoy it.

Shepard's entire body went almost numb as a response to the awaited kiss. Nothing she's experienced prior in the past few weeks, not even the time Jack surprised her with a brief kiss, gave her being the sensation of this much intensity and desire. Hand gripping arm, nose nuzzling cheek, Shepard broke the embrace with a head tilt back to let a sigh escape. Shepard purposely gave enough space between the two girls to allow Jack to remove her shirt – which she did with enough haste to cause a tear in the seam of the left arm. Apathetic about the abrasion, Shepard snatched the garment out of Jack's grip and tossed it in an random direction in the quarters.

"I didn't really peg you as the lacy type, Shepard," Jack noticed, reaching her arms around Evan's back and grasping at the black strap of her bra.

"Just get the fuck back here," Shepard groaned.

The kiss resumed, this time, eventually, with a Shepard who was naked from the waist up. Not paying any attention to Jack's probable want to see Shepard's exposed chest, evident by the slight resistance she felt from Jack, Evan took a moment to fully analyze the situation. She pondered about Jack's sexual tactics, knowing she wasn't going to be as tender and careful as Traynor. Or perhaps she was, perhaps the bedroom was where Jack's sensitive side manifested the most.

Jack tasted sweeter than Traynor, and smoother than Liara. There was a certain eagerness to the way Jack's hands stroked Evan's torso, like an unknown object just waiting to be discovered. The pulse of their bodies synced together, strong enough for Evan to feel it as she slithered her fingers up Jack's bare waist. Not breaking contact, she removed her jacket with ease, although was unsuccessful in removing the mesh strap that spiraled around her body.

"How the hell do you even get this thing off?" Shepard grunted, hopelessly fumbling with the piece of clothing.

"Slow the fuck down, Shepard," Jack warned, although not without an amused grin.

"Ugh, why couldn't you have at least changed? Into something more casual?"

"Don't worry about me right now." Jack took Shepard's hands off of her body and took a moment to glance over the half-naked woman trembling in front of her. "Not bad, Shepard. I can see all of that running around like an idiot out there has given you a pretty nice body."

"Well, I'm glad that you at least like what you see." Hearing Jack's approval awoken a level of arousal inside of Shepard that rarely ever surfaced. Shepard wasn't particularly self-conscious of her body to begin with, but the intrigued stare that Jack scanned her with made her unbearably hot.

Shepard was pushed down by an impatient Jack, whose hands meticulously traveled down her abdomen. As sensitive as the area was, Shepard shuddered under Jack's hold. Her fingers slipped under the waistband of both Evan's lower assets, easing a finger inside of her as another softly kneaded her sensitive spot.

Once Jack entered Evan, a moan that was manifesting in her very core released itself. Jack softly nipped at the base of Shepard's neck, rolling her fingers around inside her in a steady rhythm, a rhythm consistent and expert enough to trigger strained breaths from Shepard.

A familiar sensation crept up on her. No, not now. Not yet. Shepard grabbed Jack's free hand and squeezed it with desperation.

"Alright, alright, stop," Shepard breathed, attempting to delay.

"Sorry, can't do that." As if out of spite, Jack increased the pressure she applied onto Evan's clit.

"Just...please," Shepard begged, the sensation intensifying. Her legs tightened around Jack's hand hopelessly. "Please, stop, not right now, no-"

She didn't.

"Goddamn you," Shepard hissed as her body broke out in waves. Her brain went hazy, and her vision faded while a groan that was failed to be repressed echoed in the room. Her body melted into Jack's hand while a pleasurable spasm tore through her stomach and down her legs, involuntarily pushing into her lover's fingers in an attempt to amplify the relief. Despite the quickness of it all, the profoundness of the climax put all of the others to shame.

It felt like an eternity before the surges stopped, leaving behind a wake of crumpled sheets and a helplessly panting Shepard. Cautiously, Jack removed herself from Shepard and leered down at the defeated Spectre.

"Wow, I don't think I've ever seen anyone finish that quickly."

"Fuck...did you think I was joking?"

"You should learn, Shepard, that if you tell me to stop, I'm just going to go faster."

"Fuck you," Shepard smiled, eyes still shut.

"Go ahead," Jack dared.

The bed started moving underneath Shepard, who opened her eyes to investigate. In the moments Shepard took to regain herself, Jack preemptively removed her final article of clothing.

Body art and all, Jack's body was as wonderful as Evan fantasized about. Granted, Jack's outfits of choice never usually left a lot to the imagination, but the little areas that constantly remained under discretion boasted just as much delicacy as the rest of her body. Shepard lunged – gently, yet longingly – at Jack, straddling over her and, unlike her companion, took no care to be subtle. She touched Jack's exposed area, which was unsurprisingly bare and smooth. Evan challengingly injected two fingers into the biotic, muscles tightening around her intruding hand.

Evan sucked on Jack's lower lip, wishing she could journey her head down Jack's entire body and service her that way. Yet, being denied that privilege by Jack, she figure she'd tease Jack the very way she did, pumping her fingers inside of the woman. An unrestrained hand lifted up to Jack's face, softly grasping her earlobe between two fingers as the others stroked the shaven back of her head and appreciated the stubble that tickled her fingertips.

Jack wasn't as vocal as Shepard was, and merely breathed through clenched teeth when her excitement grew. Unsure of how close Jack was, Shepard slowed down her pace to ensure herself more stamina.

It was amazing, Evan thought, all of this. She was pinning town the woman she's been infatuated with for weeks now, who was now writhing and aching for release. Evan settled into a more affectionate kiss, even sneaking in a brief nuzzle on Jack's neck. As badly as she wanted to get her off, she adored the woman.

"I love you, you know," Shepard softly purred before suckling on the skin below Jack's ear.

"Nngh." Jack was apparently too focused on finishing to respond with as much tenderness, but did not protest.

With a telling hiss between Jack's teeth, her lower body bucked into Evan in sporadic motions. Her head threw itself back onto the pillow that supported it, her body shuddering from release with intensity that rendered her completely unable to control her movements. She pushed her body into Evan, then again, then again, with the time between each thrust steadily decreasing. Dozens of seconds passed before Evan withdrew her hands and exhaustedly collapsed next to the recovering biotic.

"I think you were faster," Shepard taunted.

"I'm going to be honest here, Shepard," Jack spoke after a few heavy breaths, "I wasn't exactly expecting a completely 'hands-on' approach tonight. I sort of built it up more in my head."

"I did, too," Shepard admitted. "But you seemed to tired to do anything else."

"I told you, I'm not too...know what, fuck it. That was still one of the best ones I've ever had. I can't wait to see how you do without your hands."

"Later," Shepard assured, turning herself over to look at Jack. "But you go to sleep now."

"Yeah, I will. You too. If I wake up and see you staring at me while I sleep, I'm going to punch that pretty little face of yours."

"What the hell kind of girlfriend do you think I am?" Shepard hoped she wasn't going overboard with usage of that word.

"Hopefully the kind that knows how to handle me."

"I guess we'll have to find out, then." Shepard yawned and pulled the sheets above her still half-naked body.

"I guess so."

* * *

**AN: Thanks for your patience! Hopefully future chapters will be more frequent. As always, reviews are always encouraged!**


	9. The Cure - Part 1

The morning awoke Shepard like a soft hand nudging her gently. There were no nightmares. There were no cold-sweats. There was no frantic glancing out the window to make sure she wasn't still on Earth. There was only tranquility. To be awoken naturally was almost an alien experience for Evan. Even with the oddly soothing noise of Traynor softly snoring next to her, Evan and the early morning were usually well-acquainted.

Shepard greeted the day with a satisfied smile, the events of the prior night replaying in her head like a looping film. As if she couldn't trust her own memory, she hastily turned to her left and glanced at a passed-out Jack. She beamed at the sight, feeling as though her life was almost in order again. In a chaotic, Reaper-filled order.

Shepard sat up in her bed, mentally checking off the next few steps of action she needed to take. Tackling the genophage was next, a task she knew she had to face for quite some time now. As badly as she wanted to relax in bed and not have to worry about the conflict for just one day, she could never abandon her duties as Commander, a position she painstakingly worked for. Allowing herself a few moments to collect herself, Evan stumbled off the bed and prepared to head to the CIC.

* * *

It was Evan's favorite time of the day.

The morning was fresh enough that the majority of the ship's crew was gathering themselves to start their shifts. There was a natural, unrelenting calmness in the atmosphere that sedated panic and anxiety. The scent of freshly-brewed coffee wafted up from the mess hall and blanketed the CIC in a dull reminder that another day was showing face, presenting new surprises with old duties. It was the time of day where expectations were low, and the world was quiet.

Almost as if fate was mocking her, Traynor was already at her terminal, not even flinching at the noise of the elevator opening. Her face showed no mourning or grief, just the tired mask of an analysist who stumbled out of bed mere moments ago.

"Good morning, Commander." There was no trace of hostility in Samantha's tone, as hard as Shepard searched for it.

"Good morning," Shepard responded, not daring to say anymore.

After a silent pause, Shepard realized Traynor was not going to push the conversation any further. _Well, it was a start._

"Joker," Shepard addressed into her omni-tool, still slightly groggy, "set a course to Tuchanka...again."

"Really? Again? Either you're dealing with the genophage or you're dating a krogan," Joker replied.

"Genophage."

"Sure thing, but if it is a krogan, just be careful, okay? I can't imagine how badly it'd end for you if you broke a krogan's heart...or even both of them."

* * *

Wrex and Mordin sat alongside Garrus and Jack on the shuttle to Tuchanka. Sat was more or less of an understatement, as Wrex wandered around the shuttle, mumbling under his breath and stealing glances at a rather calm Mordin. Shepard sighed and patiently waited for the shuttle to arrive on the planet, mulling over the details of the sabotage she was informed of earlier. Dalatrass had informed her recently that there was a cure sabotage ready, that would fool the krogan into thinking the cure was successful, thus continuing the unfair genocide of the species. Despite already deciding against the sabotage, revealing its existence to Wrex was proving to be harder than she thought.

"Curing the genophage...you know, it seems pretty overdue," Jack noted, slumped against a wall on the shuttle.

"Damn right it's overdue," Wrex snarled, pounding on the wall. "And with this Reaper situation rearing its ugly head, there is absolutely no way we're wasting another minute. I'll be damned if I'm going to allow that monstrosity to wipe out our species."

"I..." Evan knew it was the perfect timing to inform Wrex. Even though salarian support could prove to be a valuable advantage, Shepard could not hold onto the secret any longer than she could bear to see how determined Wrex was. The way he paced around in a haphazard pattern, unable to keep still, and how his eyes gleamed with a hint of a lost hope – she could not allow the salarians to sabotage the cure. "Wrex, Mordin, you should kn-"

"Hold on, we're cutting in," Cortez interjected.

The shuttle hovered above the muted surface of the planet. Somehow, Tuchanka seemed darker and duller than usual. The normal wear and tear was amplified, destruction overshadowing any order the planet once had. The screeches and scratches of husks and cannibals encircled them, as a painful reminder of the Reaper influence on the planet. Wrex took no hesitation to charge out of the shuttle doors once parted, taking a quick moment to scan the environment. "Shepard!"

Evan hopped off of the shuttle, her squad following suit. "Just go, I'll take care of Eve."

Approving with a muted grunt, Wrex turned around and picked off a husk with as much ease as squashing an ant.

"Just like old times, Garrus," Jack smirked, readying her shotgun.

"It's an honor." Garrus' tone was as cold and stiff as the floor below them. "Look, Shepard, I need to talk to you," he informed quietly, leaning into her ear.

"Is now really the time, Garrus?"

"About Traynor..." Garrus' sentence hushed and trailed off with seemingly no destination. The judgment in his voice was enough to hint at his disapproval, which came as a shock to Evan.

"What? What about Saman...Traynor?"

"I don't know what's going on between you and Traynor, and frankly, it's none of my business. But as your best friend, I feel the need to warn you that whatever happened between the two of you seems to have her feeling fairly down lately. And considering how new she is to our squad, that's not exactly the example you want to set. It hurts your reputation, and, by affiliation, the reputation of the Alliance as a whole. Having the newcomers become depressed isn't really a mark we want on our record."

"If you don't know the details, then stay out," Shepard warned, becoming more defensive than usual. Everything he said was right, but internalizing his warnings was difficult for her.

"All right, all right. As I said, I'm just telling you as a friend. I just have to look out for you."

"I appreciate your concern, but I'm taking care of it. Besides, she seemed pretty fine to me this morning."

"I suppose. I caught a glimpse of her on my way to see Joker last night, and I could have sworn I saw her crying. I wanted to help, but I figured helping women with emotional problems isn't my area of expertise."

"She's fine. At least, she will be," Shepard assured.

"Okay. And...Jack's really staying, huh?" Garrus mentioned, slightly amused.

"Yup. Get used to it, you'll be seeing a lot of her."

"What the hell are you two girls talking about?" Wrex roared, staring down the two.

"Alliance...things." Shepard's ability to articulate anything professional-sounding started to fade as Garrus' words slowly sunk into her conscious. "I thought you said you were going ahead of us."

"I was, but I couldn't help but notice the inane chatter behind me. I don't care about what you two are talking about, but if it isn't about curing the genophage or taking care of Eve, I don't want to hear it. My brother is waiting for us in the Hollows, so get your behinds down there and let's sort this thing out once and for all! We're painting Tuchanka with the blood of the Reapers."

Shepard wasn't used to taking orders as a commander, but knowing the dire circumstances that Wrex and all the krogan were facing, she had no opposition to obeying him.

Evan glanced over at Jack, who seemed apathetic about finding out what she and Garrus were discussing. Garrus did have a point, but what was done could not be changed. She was happy, and that's all that mattered, right?

"All right, dipshits, move out," Jack announced, cautiously taking lead in front of the two.

Shepard grew agitated at the sudden influx of others giving her the orders, but the distractions in her head reminded her as to why. Focus on the task of hand, deal with the other shit later.

Garrus sighed and shook his head, sending an annoyed gaze over at Evan. "I'm going to trust you on this one, Shepard."

"You better. That's an order."

* * *

"Shit. _Shit. _That was exhilarating," Jack breathed, huddled up against one of the many pieces of rubble that jutted out of the ruins. "I keep forgetting how much I loved actual combat. You know, killing things for once. I mean, killing some Cerberus assholes was fun and all that crap, but there's no anger this time. Just...death."

"Well, I'm glad you're enjoying yourself here. Believe me, you're going to need some of that bloodlust if you're going to help us." Evan sat side-by-side with Jack, peering over the ledge cautiously for any trace of movement. This part of Tuchanka displayed a tiny sliver of the planet it used to be. There was light, there was hope, and it brought life into those who saw it.

"Bloodlust, fuck yes, I just...God...it's all coming back. That rush, that excitement...I missed it." Jack's breaths were heavy and full adrenaline, her words excited as they were labored. Shepard hasn't seen Jack this enthusiastic about anything – ever.

"All right, well settle down," Evan smiled, elbowing Jack playfully. Despite the tense air, her spirits lifted at the sight of a passionate Jack, a spectacle she could get used to.

"I can't, I'm just so..." Jack smirked and pivoted her body towards the Spectre. "Excited."

"O-oh?" Shepard pressed, wondering what Jack was trying to lead to, although she had a few intriguing theories.

Jack's face slowly approached Shepard's neck, landing her mouth softly on the skin that sheathed her spine, which resulted in an oddly pleasurable chill. Jack lingered, as if enjoying the subtle flavor of Evan's skin, and for a reason Shepard could not quite understand, she did not stop her - despite the urgency of the mission. Instead, she responded with a vague shudder and leaned her head into Jack's.

Only when Jack started to tease Evan with a light suckle did Evan begin to protest. "Not now, Jack. We really, really need to get to the shroud tower." Where the hell was Garrus when she needed him?

"Oh, I'll be fast," Jack purred. She moved her mouth up to Shepard's, tantalizing her lips with warm breaths.

"I don't know what you have in mind that's fast." Shepard's voice fell into a whisper, speaking through the hint of a gap between her mouth and Jack's. There was a pressing mission at hand – a time sensitive one at that – and that somehow made the temptation worse.

"This isn't exactly what I expected to see here." Garrus' voice jolted Shepard from behind their position.

"Garrus! Where were you?" Shepard asked, trying to ignore the embarrassment she was feeling. She turned her head away from Jack in hesitation, sliding over a few inches against the wall. As far as she knew, none of the crew was aware of her new relationship with Jack, which was a tidbit she preferred to keep quiet for a little while. If there was anyone she could trust with the information, however, it was Garrus.

"Well, I, being the fool I am, just assumed that you would keep pushing forward. But I guess you have other priorities right now," he commented.

"Yeah, I guess we do have shit to do, don't we?" Jack shrugged, showing no remorse for being caught.

"I told you we did," Shepard huffed, standing herself up. "We have to get to that bridge. They're probably already waiting for us, for God's sake."

"As badly as I'd like to ask you the dozens of questions racing around my head..." Garrus started.

"We're moving," Shepard assured. She motioned for Garrus to continue on, pulling up Jack with her hand.

"There's nothing we could have done that was 'fast,' anyway," Shepard whispered to Jack, catching up to Garrus. "Not with this armor on."

"Ha, you seriously underestimate me, Shepard."

"Shepard! Shepard!" Wrex's voice shot through Shepard's omni-tool in intense urgency.

"What is it, Wrex?"

"Go...hurry...thresh..." Wrex's voice started to break up into static.

"Fuck, that doesn't sound promising," Jack noted.

"I can't hear you," Shepard panicked, shouting into her omni-tool.

"Go! J..._go!"_


	10. The Cure - Part 2

"Shepard? Can you hear me?" a female voice shook through the omni-tool. "It's Eve. What took you all so long?"

The squad all huddled around Evan, whose omni-tool lit up an otherwise brown and dull atmosphere. The ground rattled and the air grumbled with the toils of the creatures surrounding them, although none of them were to be seen from the trio's position. Jack gripped onto the thick black armor that enclosed Shepard's arm, hard enough to warn Evan that she was not exactly in a calm state of mind.

"What the hell was that? What's going on down there?" Shepard snapped. "Where's Wrex?"

"Wrex is fine, he's driving. It's the thresher maw – Kalros – just cross the bridge like we instructed earlier. You're going to have to fight your way to it, though."

"Of course we are. Nothing is easy anymore," Garrus said, shifting his view over to the bridge.

The bridge – as large as it was in questionable shape – spanned over a chasm, yards away from the trio. Proud statues of krogan accented the entrance, somehow untouched throughout the eons of carnage the planet has witnessed. Despite its close proximity, it offered a clear path to the Reaper that traversed to the left of it, as if serving the squad up on a silver platter. Shepard knew beforehand that she would be making herself vulnerable several times throughout this mission, but the reluctance on Jack's face signaled to her that she wasn't as prepared for the potential sacrifice as Evan or Garrus.

"Are you kidding me? That...thing is going to fuckin' vaporize us if we cross that bridge!" Jack grew irritable and transcended into a brief fit, scanning around as if she was looking for another way out. Her hands up balled into fists, sparking with blue as her biotics seemingly unintentionally flared. Of all the times they've ever fought together, Shepard has never seen Jack this agitated. Normally, she'd stare death in the face – and possibly toss a few shockwaves at it.

"If you can think of any other way to get to the Shroud tower, then be my guest. But there is no Goddamn way I am getting any closer to that thing," Wrex warned.

"You heard him," Shepard affirmed, daring to make eye contact with Jack.

Jack paused, taking a deep breath. Her vision shot up to Shepard, fixating on the Spectre's brown eyes with a cold, analyzing stare – one that made Shepard feel a little uneasy and worried about whether or not Jack would comply. Once she saw that Shepard seemed confident, however, she relaxed. "Well, I guess if I do die, at least I get to die with my girlfriend and Sir Calibrates-a-lot over here."

_Jack...actually called me her girlfriend?_ Shepard smirked to herself, feeling the heat in her chest rise. It somehow made this entire situation a little easier to handle. Even the sly smirk Jack had told Evan she felt joy in addressing Shepard as such.

"Sir...Calibrates-a-lot? Ah, Jack, from you, I expected better." Garrus shook his head.

"I'm sorry, I was probably too distracted by that giant stick poking out of your a-"

"All right, stop this petty crap, it's time to move," Shepard interrupted. Garrus' reaction, a look of uncomfortable disbelief, told more than enough - a line was clearly being crossed by Jack. Despite her hostile nature, Shepard was bothered by Jack's instinctive need to insult everyone, even more so considering Garrus wasn't doing anything wrong. Now was not the right time to worry about personal matters, however. "We can't keep delaying like this."

* * *

Crossing the bridge proved to be as simple as it sounded – although the group was able to get a nice look at the Reaper beside them, digesting what they were about to deal with soon. Still, the Shroud tower was in site, and once Wrex and the rest picked the three up in the truck, the end of the genophage was finally in their sights.

"It's finally happening. I don't believe it," Wrex huffed, the truck rocking its passengers back and forth as it climbed the rocky terrain. "We're doing this! We're saving my species!"

"Celebrations premature. Still no guarantee of success. Reaper, problematic, cure – uncertain." Mordin still seemed unusually calm, seated upright and proud inside the vehicle.

If there was any time to reveal the sabotage, it was now. No interruptions this time, Shepard swore. "Someone's trying to sabotage the cure."

"What? Who the hell – I'll bet it's the Salarians. I knew it. You can't trust those slimy lizards." Wrex glared at Mordin, looking as if he was preparing to charge at any moment.

"When did you hear about this?" Garrus asked, leaning forward and looking over at Evan. "Why didn't you tell us any earlier?"

"Dalatrass told me...I couldn't hold it in. I'm not going to allow the krogans to go extinct."

"You're right, you're not. I'm just not sure if I can trust_ him," _Wrex growled, snapping his wrist in the direction of Mordin.

"Worry not necessary. Have no plans to undermine the cure."

"How can I know that? What makes me so sure I can trust you?"

"I was not aware of the sabotage. Shepard can vouch for me. I hope." Mordin turned his head towards Shepard, grinning.

"He's right, Wrex. He didn't know. Only I know," Shepard confirmed, not wanting to add any fuel to the fire between the two.

"Blah. Doesn't matter, anyway. I'm making this thing happen," Wrex said, as if he was trying to assure himself. "Our species will be saved. We will finally be able to reproduce."

"We are krogan." Eve's voice perked the attention of everyone on-board the shuttle, her calming voice a welcome contrast from Wrex's gritty tone. "We are the strongest species, not in our strength, but in our determination. We are not going to allow any 'sabotage' to stop our kind from expanding. With Shepard on our side, and the best team in the galaxy, there is no way we will fail."

"Our son...my son," Wrex corrected himself, nervously glancing over at Eve. "My son, once he is born, will erase the wrong-doing of all the species that tried to resist us. I will raise him better than my dad raised me – I will give him the life he deserves, without having to worry about whether or not he will be able to pass down his own greatness and continue the krogan lineage. He will be the seed Tuchanka needs, and help blossom into the new hope we've all been waiting for."

"That's a great thought, Wrex," Shepard smiled, placing a hand on Wrex's shoulder – or as much of a shoulder his bulky armor allowed.

"It's all so touching." Jack leaned up against the truck, looking unfazed from Wrex's speech.

"I'm sorry, does the fate of my species bore you?" Wrex snarled.

"It doesn't. I'm just hoping you guys are taking into the account the giant Reaper that's currently circling the Shroud like a volus to credits."

"Kalros," Eve spoke, as if she had a sudden epiphany. "We'll just use Kalros."

"You seriously think she can take that thing out?" Evan asked.

"Yes, I do. She will protect Tuchanka with everything she has."

"Great, that sounds safe," Jack sneered, perking herself up from the wall of the truck. "And what if that thing eats us alive, huh?"

"It won't. Activate the thresher maw hammers and you will be fine. It's the Reaper you have to worry about, not her," Eve noted.

"That's a brilliant idea, Eve. Heh, with your brains, and my strength, there's no telling what out kids can do," Wrex joked.

Eve was not amused.

* * *

"Finally. All of these years, and this is where it ends." Wrex was the first to exit the truck, taking in the sight of the Shroud tower and the Reaper that circled it.

Tuchanka was dull, Tuchanka was lifeless, but the enthusiasm in Wrex's voice revived the excitement in the atmosphere. As the rest followed him out, all pairs of eyes focused on the Reaper and the tower, ready to face one of the most important tasks in their lives. A centralized storm engulfed the top of the tower, flashing and roaring as if to remind everyone the danger of the current mission. The Reaper guarded the tower like it was its own young, blasting a powerful laser aimlessly along the already annihilated ground that it traveled.

"Laboratory nearby. This is where I do my part. Will release cure," Mordin said. "Shepard. Wrex. Good luck."

Wrex looked apprehensive, but soon feigned a smile. "Good luck, Mordin. Don't let me down."

"I guess this is it," Shepard sighed.

"Shepard, for all that you have done for me...I can't thank you enough. I can only hope that my species' support for you in this war is enough to show my gratitude. The krogan will never forget you, or any of the good you have done in our name."

"I wouldn't have gotten anywhere near as far as I have if it weren't for you, Wrex."

"Wrex...for whatever it's worth, I know the turians and krogan have never always seen eye-to-eye, but I've always got your back." Garrus strolled over to Wrex, readying his rifle. "I'm going to fight with you, not against you."

"Hah, I always liked you, Garrus," Wrex chucked, slapping Garrus on the shoulder. "So, let's do this then, let's show the Reapers that we're not afraid to fight back. Let's take back Tuchanka."

* * *

Activate the hammers. _Check. _Summon Kalros. _Check._

Shepard watched the behemoth of a creature latch itself onto the Reaper. It grappled onto its sides, bringing it down with so much ease, it gave her a sense of hope that maybe the Reapers weren't as immune as she thought. The Reaper struggled down into the dead terrain below it, shaking the planet and dispersing the ear-shattering noise that woke Shepard up in those lonely nights. Reality coated Shepard's throat like a bitter pill. This was the beginning of the end. Maybe there was a chance for the galaxy.

Evan limped over to the Shroud tower, which loomed above the planet like a watchtower, and entered the facility. The facility was an odd contrast from the remainder of the planet, a technological hub in an otherwise ancient corner of the galaxy. Mordin worked hastily – a normal pace for him – at the twittery terminals that dotted around the inside of the laboratory.

"I'm assuming the cure is over?" she coughed, bits of sand caught in the back of her mouth.

"Yes. Is the Reaper dead?"

"As dead as it possibly could be."

"Good news. Cure is ready. Systems in check. Genophage will be over. Krogan will prosper."

"I'm glad to hear it. So, are you ready to join us back on the truck?" Shepard asked, pointing to the door.

"No. Control room is at the top of the tower. Only way to release cure."

"What! You're going to kill yourself if you go up there. It's in the process of exploding, in case you haven't n-"

"I know, Shepard. Irrelevant information. Life prioritized below cure, not above. Sacrifice is necessary – for the good of the krogan." Mordin was still as composed and relaxed as he was earlier, almost eerily cheerful. He finalized his work at his current terminal and started towards the elevator at the far side of the room.

"Mordin...there has to be another way. I'm sure there's a way you could release the cure from down here. You don't have to do this, please," Shepard begged, following behind him.

"No, Shepard. I'm sorry. No other way."

Shepard nodded weakly, accepting his fate. Mordin had a good heart, and sacrificing himself for the benefit of the galaxy was the most fitting way for him to go out. "I'm going to miss you."

"Feeling is mutual." Mordin smiled – God, she was going to miss that goofy smile.

"Are you sure we can't get someone else to do this?"

"No. Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong."

* * *

The shuttle to the Normandy from Tuchanka was quiet. Shepard sat still, contemplating everything that happened. Witnessing the fall of a Reaper, saving a species, and yet somehow the most emotionally compromising event to happen that day was the death of Mordin, a close friend and crew member.

Garrus and Jack exchanged quick glances, communicating to each other their acknowledgment of Shepard's drained mental state. Although both of them were fairly close to Shepard, their exchanged looks seem to relay uncertainty about who should comfort her first.

"It was the best way for him to go, Shepard," Garrus finally said, breaking the tension. "I can't think of a more noble way to leave this life."

Evan shook her head. "It never gets easier. I've lived through Kaidan on Virmire, hell I've gone through my own death and...it just doesn't get easier."

Jack sighed. "Shepard, I've been through a lot of deaths. I've seen a lot of people die. Shit, I've killed a lot of people. Even people I thought I could trust. Yeah, it sucks. It sucks a lot. But it's part of life. The only thing I've learned to make it a little easier is that it's the only definite part of life." Although Jack wasn't terribly skilled in the field of cheering people up, the act of her even trying made Evan feel calmer.

"Exactly," Garrus agreed. Shepard was intrigued by how the two were suddenly getting along. "He's going to be remembered as a hero. He's going to be a hero in the name of krogan. If that's not an honor, than I don't know what it is."

"Thanks...that...that helps a lot, guys." Shepard flashed a faint smile.

"I'm always glad to help," Garrus said. "But...as long as we're talking...I sort of wanted to...well I mean, I don't want to pry, but..." Garrus darted his eyes around the shuttle nervously.

"You're probably wondering about us," Jack interrupted, nodding her head in the direction of Shepard..

"Yeah, if you could clear some things up, that would be great."

"We're together," Shepard told Garrus, afraid of how Jack would phrase it.

"I figured that much. I just wondered since when. I mean, I didn't think anything was going on between you two last time we were a crew. I was under the impression that you were still interested in Liara, to be completely honest."

"I was, but...that didn't work out. This is a new thing," Shepard assured.

"I suppose that helps explains why Traynor seems so upset lately," Garrus thought out loud.

"Psh, yeah. I think that girl has other problems." Jack gyrated her eyes around, elbowing Shepard in jest.

"Hey, keep it down about Traynor. There's nothing wrong with her."

"I don't know, it seems a bit weird to become that attached to someone after a few days. Maybe it's just me, though. You know me. If you wanna get close, you have to fucking earn it," Jack teased, shooting a mischievous smile over at Shepard.

Shepard nodded in agreement. "Jack, when we get back...I'd like to see you back in quarters."

"Oh? Wanting to finish what we started earlier?"

"No, I just need to talk you about a few things." Evan looked over Garrus, trying her best to smile in a way that assured him she wasn't keeping any secrets. Garrus simply shrugged, not seeming to show any concern about what they had to discuss.

"Sounds fun. Can't wait," Jack scowled.

* * *

"What is it you wanted to talk to me about? Is it my hair?" Jack joked, strolling into Shepard's room with so much poise, one would think it was her room.

Shepard stood up from her position on the side of her bed, turning to face Jack. "Well, first off...look, I'm not mad or anything, but I was wondering why you were a little hostile towards Garrus earlier."

"Shepard...I'm _always _hostile." Jack leaned herself up against the glass that encased Shepard's fine model collection, crossing her arms in defense.

"Telling him there's a stick up his ass...I don't know, seems a bit extreme for your style."

"Wow, it really has been a while since you've seen me, huh? That's nothing out of the ordinary for me. Seriously, Shepard. Of anyone I know, you know that."

"No, I know you Jack. That's not like you. I would have expected that attitude towards Miranda, but not Garrus."

"Fuck, I forgot about that bitch. How is she doing?"

"Stay on topic, Jack," Shepard warned.

Jack paused, filling the pause with a pronounced sigh. "Fine. I don't know, maybe I'm a little jealous."

"Jealous? Seriously? Jack, come on. That's a pretty piss-poor excuse," Shepard chuckled.

"I'm fucking serious, Shepard," Jack snarled, raising her voice, which now had an edge in it – the same edge that surfaced when she was threatening her enemies. "I was jealous. Okay? Big surprise, the bitch has feelings."

"Okay, calm down, I'm sorry." Shepard held her palms out, facing down. "Why were you jealous?"

"You two were always so close. Shit, you've known him longer than me. I thought maybe you two were doin' it last time. God, I don't know. I get protective. I get possessive. This is why I don't do relationships."

"We weren't doing it, Jack. We decided it was best for us to stay friends."

"Oh, so there was something there? I fucking knew it. I can't trust anyone anymore." Jack looked like she was ready to head out of the room at any moment.

"There wasn't. Maybe for a little while, but – Jack, no. There wasn't anything. He's my best friend, that's it. He's not a threat."

"If you say so." Jack didn't sound too sincere.

"Why him? Why not Liara, or Traynor?" Shepard hoped she wasn't making matters worse.

"I never see Liara, I don't really care about her. And I know you dumped Traynor for me. Something about Garrus just...doesn't sit right for me. I don't know, it's not him. I'm just...God. I hate saying this. I'm just afraid he's going to steal you from me."

Evan beamed at the sentiment. She was finally starting to realize that Jack did cherish her, perhaps as much as she cherished Jack. Despite the sweetness of it all, however, she could not discount Garrus' friendship because of Jack's irrational spite. "That's too bad, Jack. Because if you're going to be with me, you're going to have to live with the fact that Garrus is my friend, and I'm not changing that."

Jack shook her head, slumping her posture a little. "Fine. I'll try to deal with it."

"I hope this doesn't mean you don't trust me."

"I do. It's just hard because usually when I do trust someone, they stab me in the back. Sometimes with a dull stick, sometimes with a dagger. Doesn't matter."

"Yeah, it does matter. I need you to trust me here. You really think I have time to be unfaithful?"

"That's not exactly a compelling argument, Shepard," Jack scoffed.

"I won't ever do anything to compromise what we have. I love you, Jack."

Jack stayed silent, which caused Evan to worry. An eternity slipped by, painful and slow, as Jack shifted around uncomfortably in her position, breaking eye contact with the Spectre. Finally, she spoke up. "I...I love you too, Shepard. Fuck. That was weird to say. Don't make me say that again."

Evan's heart almost stopped. She was so close to asking Jack to repeat it - she wanted to hear those words again, but she didn't dare.

"Was there something else you wanted to talk to me about?" Jack asked, as if desperate to change the topic.

"Oh, uh, yeah. Why were you so worried about getting killed out there on Tuchanka? I've never seen you so careful. Normally, you're the first one out into the battle. I barely ever see you take cover."

"All right, well I guess if we're getting all touchy-feely right now, I can keep going. You remember my students, right?"

"How could I forget?"

"Yeah, right. Anyway, those kids gave me purpose. I mean, I know I'm not with them right now, but shit. I actually have something to live for. I guess I'm starting to realize I have to take a life a little easier than I'm used to. Doesn't mean I'm not as tough or blood-thirsty as I ever was. I just don't wanna keep doing stupid shit." Jack shrugged and wiggled a bit against the glass.

"Well, that's a respectful philosophy to have. I'm glad they give you purpose," Evan grinned.

"Yeah."

"So, you say you're still as tough as you always were, huh? Does that mean you're still as adventurous?" Shepard grinned, crossing her arms.

"Uh, yeah. The hell are you getting at?" Jack asked, dropping her arms to her side.

"Why don't you come over here and find out?"

"So your friend just died and you want to have sex? Is that it?" Jack stood up straight, taking her back off of the glass. Despite the harshness of her statement, there was an amused smirk manifested on Jack's face.

Shepard felt a rush – all of this opening up and seeing a sensitive side of Jack somehow awoken a layer of Evan she rarely displayed. As badly as she wanted to nurture Jack's soft side, there was a tugging need inside of her that needed to be satisfied. "What I'm saying is I've had a long day, and I'd like a little stress relieved. Now, you can either come over here and help me, or you could leave and let me help myself."

"Shit, Shepard. I've never seen this part of you. To be honest, I like it."

"Then get the hell over here."

* * *

**A/N:** Uhm...yeah. Ended it here because the chapter was getting a bit long and I felt an itch to update. I will probably pick up from this very spot, though. 8) As always, reviews are welcome. Thanks for reading!


	11. Skill

**A/N: **Inconspicuous smut warning...woo. As descriptive as I'm willing to go, don't want the mods to give me the boot. :x

* * *

Shepard's heartbeat went off like a metronome, pulsing her temples and obscuring the soft music in small each thump of her heart, her vision started to blur, the entire room becoming a saturated blue and yellow cloud from her view at the side of her bed.

She _needed _this.

Shepard stood her ground, her offer for some quick stress release still lingering in the quarters. Her body began to sway, weakness settling into her thin legs as the suspense grew. Even though this would not be her first time with Jack, Shepard could not rid the nervousness that came with trying to initiate anything with her.

Jack didn't vocalize any response to her invitation. Instead, with an impish grin fixed on her face, she strutted across the quarters to Evan, a strong scent of dominance in her walk. A wave of relief washed over Shepard as she acknowledged Jack's acceptance of her offer. Despite Evan being well acquainted with Jack's domineering side, her arms, shaking with anticipation, clumsily constricted Jack's neck in a desperate attempt to assume control once she was within reach.

Feeling no resistance on Jack's end, Shepard met her lips with pure hunger, barely showing any coordination as she feverishly nipped her bottom lip while pulling Jack into her body. Her hands fumbled Jack's jacket off – occasionally breaking any physical contact between the two, gracelessly fidgeting with the mesh that encircled her body before giving up and forcing the fabric up her torso enough to expose her entire chest. Shepard had no time to take it slow; she was in no mood to savor, only relieve.

"God, I need you so bad right now," Shepard breathed between her bites, shoving Jack onto the neat white sheets.

"Ssh, no talking, Shepard," Jack teased, perking her head back to allow Shepard access to her vulnerable skin. "You're going to ruin it."

"Please, in this room, call me 'Commander'," Evan demanded, ignoring Jack's request.

"No, I'm going to call you whatever the fuck I want," Jack breathed, wincing as Evan pinched the base of her neck with her teeth.

Sensing Jack was trying to retain her dominance, Shepard released Jack's neck from her hold, using her hands instead to pin her down onto the bed below them. How great it felt to have a paramount grip on Jack – to know her release depended entirely on Shepard and her abilities, and nothing more.

In an attempt to not get too caught up in admiring her own assertive position, Evan resumed exploiting Jack's upper torso with her mouth. She finally was able to taste Jack – the sweat that dampened her skin had a salty flavor that tantalized the flat of Shepard's tongue, while the flesh beneath it had a sweeter tone to it. However badly Shepard wanted to relieve Jack, who was now squirming with each progressive suckle on her skin, was only overpowered by how much she longed to feel her beg beneath her.

She'd find a place that made Jack squirm, and stick to it. The bottom of her ribcage, the tips of her nipples, the dip in her collarbone. – she'd know she'd hit the right spot when Jack would yelp something. "Ah, fuck, Evan," or "Goddammit," or even "no, God, no," but with the body language of someone who wanted more. She wanted to find all of her sweet spots and tease Jack to the brink of pain - sucking it, licking it, nipping it with her front teeth and treating the skin like a delicate meal, all the while her hands gripped Jack's arms firmly down onto the bed, rendering her under Shepard's power.

Jack was _hers. _And she was going to make damn well sure she knew that.

Jack gripped Evan's shoulders with her fingertips, pulling her into her body with each squirm, to the point of Shepard barely able to breathe in the space she was allowed. Shepard slid down Jack's torso until she was on her knees, her neck between her ever-writhing legs, servicing the area below her navel with sensitive yet hungry nibbles down her pelvis.

Shepard was almost there. She could feel it, and she could smell Jack's eagerness. Her hands seamlessly glided down Jack's bucking torso, gripping her waistband and drifting it down her thighs in a zealous haze of anticipation and suspense, her heart now a jackhammer in her ears.

She was nervous, but she was there.

Jack wasn't wearing anything under her trademark leather pants – Shepard was instantly hit with the scent of a woman who has been agonizing for relief.

"Doesn't that chafe?" Shepard asked.

"For fuck's sake, Shepard, shut up and _eat it," _Jack ordered, digging her elbows deep into the mattress.

_Fuck_, how Shepard loved to hear Jack demand her to pleasure her. Evan relinquished her dominant hold on Jack, but she didn't care. Shepard took in the sight, the sight that proved how bad Jack wanted her, but did not loiter. Her head migrated over to the inside of her thighs, giving Jack one last tantalizing trail of kisses before she started treating her sweet spot, wet from fervor and excitement.

She remembered the rhythm she used on Jack with her fingers, the one that got her off before, and applied it with her tongue. She listened intently for the sound of Jack's approval -which was gifted in the form of breaths between her teeth, unrestrained groans, and even the occasional growl.

"Arrgghh, dammit, Evan," Jack snarled. "Just keep doing th - just keep...fuck...just keep-"

Evan loved her taste. She's never tasted a girl as sweet, or as strong as Jack. Shepard's hands nested on the sides of Jack's ribs, who was flinching and squirming like a prisoner wanting release, but every word that rushed out of her mouth egged Evan on further - for a different kind of release.

"Ahhh, shit, shit, I'm going to fuckin' c..." Jack's sentence transformed into an aching moan, thrusting her body into Evan's head.

Holding Jack's side as hard as she could, Evan directed all of her concentration into her sensitive nub and the area around it, stroking it with the flat of her tongue in a consistent cadence.

"No, no - God, _yes,"_ Jack's torso hunched back into the sheets, before driving her body into Evan's face as she experienced a jolt of release.

Tasting the woman she love climax into her mouth enticed a new level of desire in Shepard, a painful ache growing between her legs, which she squeezed shut in an effort to dull the intruding sensation. Expletives flowed out of Jack's mouth in perhaps the most appropriate use of vulgarities Shepard's ever heard her use, her body writhing in waves as agonizing relief grabbed control of her body.

Shepard did not lose her focus, still savoring Jack's taste as all of her former anxieties washed away into the night. This was the best form of approval she could have received from her. Only when Jack settled down, signaled with a prolonged breath that was lying stagnant in her lungs for quite some time, did Evan crawl up Jack's body.

Her head settled in the crook between the chin and collarbone of her panting partner. She was not nervous, she was not afraid, and she was not intimidated, she was in love – which was almost as scary. There was a moment of tranquility between the two, where they simply enjoyed the silent company they shared – at least, Evan did.

"I don't know where the hell you learned to fuck like that, Shepard, but, Jesus," Jack breathed, her breaths still strained and frequent in recovery.

"I have a lot of skills outside of kicking skulls in and telling off the council."

"Yeah, whatever. You're definitely making it harder for me to consider leaving you."

"What, like you were considering it?" Evan asked, a hint of anxiety renewing.

"Relax, Shepard. Seriously, stop being so paranoid. Unless you do something really stupid, I won't. Remember what I told you earlier?"

"That you love me?" Evan pushed.

"...Yeah, that. Anyways, yeah. Don't fuck this up. But believe me, Shepard, if you do, you'll know. Trust me, I won't make you forget it." Jack affirmed her threat with light squeeze on Shepard's ass.

"I don't plan on it. I've seen what you've done to your enemies. I'd hate to end up like any of those Cerberus troops, clinging to the wall, begging for release as you restrain them with a simple wave of your hand..."

"Really? You'd hate that? Sounds like a fun Friday night to me."

Shepard wiggled on top of Jack, turning her head around to meet her gaze. "What I'm saying is, I won't, and we've talked about this already. I know this is hard for you, but-"

"Okay, really, it's getting old. I know. It was a joke, that's it, a joke. I won't leave you."

Despite the tension, Shepard was still unable to ignore the throb between her thighs, which was only growing stronger. She pulled herself up, engaging Jack in another kiss – a less hungry embrace this time, but with just enough bite to hint to Jack that it was her turn for relief. Acknowledging her plea, Jack clutched the bottom of Evan's top and slid it up her body, exposing the entirety of her upper body, the air enveloping her torso like a cold blanket.

"Commander?" a voice clamored through the intercom.

"God, no, anytime but now," Evan sighed, breaking contact with Jack.

Hopping off of her lover, Evan rushed over to the intercom, tugging her top down in the process. "What!" she barked over the intercom, hunched over her desk as if ready to take off at any moment.

"I – I'm sorry, it's just, the council wants to speak with you...specifically, the Salarian councilor," Traynor informed, her voice trembling.

"I'm sorry for snapping, but you've caught me at a bad time. Can it wait?"

There was a brief pause at the other end of the intercom. "No, I don't believe so. She says it's urgent, she mentioned something about Udina and large sums of money. To be completely honest, I don't remember all of the details...I was distracted, but she wants you at the Citadel as soon as possible. I'll tell her that you're too busy to discuss it."

Distracted? Evan hoped Traynor wasn't aware that Jack was in her room with her. She couldn't afford for her specialist to be distracted. She shook her head, leaning her elbow onto the table in subdued frustration. "No, I'm not." As badly as she wanted to appease herself, she knew war duties always came first. "Just - tell her I'll be there in a minute."

"Right away, Commander."

"That really sucks. I'm sorry," Jack said, still relaxed on the bed.

Shepard took a deep breath and picked herself up from her desk, waiting for her heartbeat to slow down. "Sometimes I forget what I'm really here for. Besides stopping these damned Reapers, I guess I'm the only person who will put up with the council's crap anymore."

"Never liked 'em. But hey, you have shit to do. So go, I'll just stay here."

"No, you're not," Shepard ordered. "You may be my girlfriend, but I'm still you're commander, and you're coming to the Citadel with me. I'm going to go talk to the Salarian councilor, but you better be ready by the time I come back." Shepard started to head to the elevator, but didn't turn her back on Jack.

Jack sharply exhaled through her nose, sitting herself up. "Fine, whatever. I guess I'll never get to get you off."

"Oh, no, I'm not forgetting that easily," Shepard assured, flimsily latching onto the door frame. "You owe me."

"Noted."


	12. Toxic

"Hey, Joker, think you could set a course for the Citadel?" Shepard asked, supporting herself with a clumsy hand on his seat.

Still tense from the interruption from Traynor earlier, Evan felt agitated at the order to investigate Udina's alleged credit theft. The possibility of corruption in the council was about as surprising as a mysopobic quarian. Shepard never liked Udina, and having him replace Anderson's chair on the council only increased her hostility.

Jack slumped casually next to Shepard, leaning on EDI's chair as she sighed with disinterest. Arms crossed in her hallmark fashion, she gazed out of the ceiling windows into the stars that zipped by, almost indiscernible from streaks of paint in the sky. Shepard wished she could look out into the big nothing that they hung in with any trace of wonder and enthusiasm - but instead, when she saw all of the stars that surrounded her, she was only greeted with a sharp pain in her stomach that reminded her of what was at stake with the Reapers.

"Yeah, of course, Commander. What, were you and Jack planning on a romantic evening or something?" Joker smirked.

"Yeah, we're going antiquing. Wanna come?" Jack jeered.

"How did you even kn...know what, I don't really care. I just want to get this over with," Shepard sighed.

"EDI told me. It was kind of an awkward conversation."

"EDI, go easy on sharing personal details," Shepard warned, although too exhausted to extort any effort into sounding threatening.

"I apologize, Commander. I only shared that information with Jeff because my research shows that sharing intimate information about shared acquaintances is a common social bonding tactic between organics. I believe you humans refer to it as 'gossip'," EDI stated.

"Shepard, it's not a secret, I'm not a secret. I'm here, you know," Jack sneered, finally starting to show some interest.

"I just didn't think it was an important topic," Shepard defended.

"Yeah, well, I don't really care if people know that we're doin' it."

_Is that all our relationship is to her?_ Evan worried. As badly as she wanted to call Jack out, she didn't want to make Joker uncomfortable.

"Woah, I didn't want to start anything here, it ain't any of my business," Joker said. "I'm just surprised you two are together, to be completely honest with you. But hey, you know, whatever you wanna do, I'm always behind you. Just try to keep it in your quarters. You know how easily distracted I get. Or don't, it does get a little boring here sometimes."

"Hah, yeah, I'm surprised too," Jack started, her tone drastically more content. "Couldn't say no to Evan, though. She's something special."

Well, that made Shepard feel at least a little better.

"Yeah, let's just get to the Citadel. This is the SSV Normandy, are we clear for landing?"

The other end was silent.

"God, they need to get off their lazy asses and respond. This is the SSV Normandy! Are we clear! For! Landing!" Joker repeated, growing frustrated.

"I...don't think there's anyone there, Joker" Shepard observed.

"Dammit, hold on, I'll just access the emergency channels. This makes no freakin' sense."

While Joker accessed the channels, Shepard and Jack exchanged a quick look of annoyance. "Seems a bit much for one day. First Tuchanka, now we have to deal with the Citadel's bullshit," Jack said, relaxing her posture further. "Whatever the council's up to, they're going to pay for wasting our fucking time."

"I have a feeling there's a lot more to this than just the council acting weird," Shepard sighed.

"Hey, Shepard, it's Thane on the other line. You'll probably wanna hear this."

"Thane?"

"Cerberus has been holding up the docks. They've got the whole Citadel under their control. You're going to have to land in the C-Sec offices...it's the only way to get any hold over Cerberus," Thane suggested over the channel.

"Well, there's no use in trying to dock at the docking station. You heard him, Joker."

* * *

The shuttle whirred through the wide corridors, the normal hustle of the Citadel muted by its occupancy of Cerberus troops. Gun projectiles flung around the main pathways like flocking insects, occasionally hitting Citadel residents and guards that fell with ease. The shuttle levitated over one of the entrances, a door clearly marked "C-SEC" yards away from their induction point. A few Cerberus troops fled the scene of the destruction, ducking into smaller rooms that dotted alongside the halls indoors, as if hesitant to engage in any immediate ambush.

It was Cerberus, all right.

Shepard wanted to be surprised of the sight of the chaotically transformed Citadel – marks of destruction everywhere, wounded civilians scattered around like litter – but her past encounters with Cerberus jaded her. Their trail of destruction was their trademark, as if they were incapable of executing any mission without making their presence too obvious. It was almost _too _easy sometimes.

"God, I hate them. I hate them, I hate them so fucking much," Jack snarled, upon the sight of the devastation. "They can't even leave the fucking Citadel alone. No, they have to make everyone's life so fucking miserable." Jack weaved a wave of obscenities, gripping her shotgun so tight in her trembling hands that Shepard swore the grip cracked. When the three of them hopped out of the shuttle, Jack scanned the area with a scowl of distrust and rage.

"Still isn't anything out of the ordinary," Shepard said, her eyes heavy from exhaustion. "You know the drill, just kill anything that moves."

"You're a lot less diplomatic when you're tried," Garrus noticed.

"I'm sick of this crap. If Cerberus wants to reason, they've already passed the due date."

"Just a bunch of cowards," Jack snapped.

One by one, Cerberus troops flooded into the area, their nervous disposition a sign of Shepard's prominent reputation around the galaxy. Picking off the units, no matter how armored or trained they were, was an increasingly mundane chore for Shepard – their weak points, their tactics, they never changed, as if they were losing free will and gaining a singular mind. White contrasted brightly against the dull and dark of the devastated Citadel, the troops stuck out like an elcor at a dive bar – even with the amplified acoustics distracting her a little, Evan killed the units with ease.

The exciting bloodlust Jack experienced when taking out cannibals was absent when she was killing Cerberus members.

The anger was back.

Shepard momentarily attributed Jack's frantic killing style to being over-dramatic, but realized Jack would never conquer her hatred for Cerberus and what they did to her. Even though it pained Shepard to see how badly Jack still clung to her past, she knew she would be the most useful asset against taking down Cerberus. The disgust on her face, the tremble of her fists, and the flare of her biotics were never as pronounced as when she was up against the terrorist organization, and her kill count was an even better reflection of her venomous hatred.

Evan hated to admit it, but maybe part of her was using Jack.

The possibility of this stung Shepard all over her body, the realization a pill injecting her bloodstream with sharp guilt. She loved Jack, but pitting her against Cerberus so often was likely more psychologically damaging to her than she originally intended.

As the last trooper collapsed against across a railing in one last post-mortem plummet, Shepard raced out from cover, Garrus and Jack assuming behind. It was almost too painful for Shepard to even attempt eye contact with Jack.

It was going to be a long mission.

* * *

Evan had no idea what time it was. The enclosure of the Normandy and the vast emptiness of space offered no hint towards the hour, AM or PM, but she didn't care. All she knew was that she, Jack, and Garrus were the only ones awake – or at least, lively – in the crew deck. After the hell they put themselves through on the Citadel, a dark, secluded area proved itself to be more than sufficient as a host for some down time.

Sitting around the mess hall table, the flickers of what lights remained lit illuminating the exhausted trio in a mess of varying colors, Shepard grasped a pristine drinking glass, half-way filled with a bubbling, maroon liquid. Across from her sat a still-agitated Jack, whose drink of choice was a bitter vodka drank straight from its oversized bottle, and Garrus sat to the left of her with a fluorescent blue turian ale served in a shot glass – a sought-after drink of dextro-aminos that Shepard picked up years ago at the Citadel as a gift. The murmurs and buzz of the cooking station near by was the only sound to penetrate the late night silence around them, occasionally joined by the fizzing of alcohol after any of the three took a sip.

Glances were exchanged, but briefly. All members of the table slumped over, emotionally and mentally defeated from the day's tasks.

"Surprising about Udina, huh?" Garrus finally asked, perking his head up a little. His talons gripped his almost empty shot-glass, the remainder of the alcohol lighting up his chest in a soft, azure glow.

"Nope. Not at all. Traitor cocksucker," Jack hissed, taking a swig from her bottle. She wiped her mouth and continued. "Never work with Cerberus. Never trust anyone that works with them. Should have known from the start, since he was a racist little bitch."

"I hope you're not directing that Cerberus comment at me," Shepard warned, her articulation lazy and slow.

"I'm not, I belie-"

"I'm just wondering what would drive him to do this," Garrus interrupted, as if not wanting to add any drama between the two.

"It doesn't seem right," Evan added, sighing. She finished off her glass, pouring herself another helping from the half-filled bottle next to her. "I have a feeling there's something bigger going on here."

"He's varren food now, who cares about him. I'm more concerned about that prancing ninja who was with Cerberus. He seems like a real fun guy," said Jack, who relaxed herself against the back of her seat.

Another silence crept in, Jack and Garrus not daring to help themselves to anymore drinks – but Shepard, following her own rules, gulped down yet another serving of the red rum, like it was an essential life sustainer. She was on her fourth or fifth glass – she lost count.

"I think you may want to stop there, Shepard..." Garrus suggested, launching an uneasy glance over at the inebriated Spectre. He pushed his depleted shot glass away from him, not trying to sound hypocritical.

"I'll stop when I feel like it. I'm fucking Commander Shepard," she bellowed.

The intoxication of her drink started to loosen Shepard's inhibitions, and revealing the epiphany she experienced earlier to Jack was seeming more and more like a good idea. As she downed another glass of the red nectar, her speech started to slur. "Hey, Jack, you're reaalllyy good when you fight against the..uh...the Cerberus...people."

"Yeah, well, they're easy to kill. Nothing is as satisfying as seeing one of those assholes slammed up against a wall."

"I have to tell you something," Shepard continued, randomly enunciating syllables. "I-"

"Hey, Commander? You still awake?" Joker asked through Shepard's omni-tool.

"Yeahh, hey Joker! I'm awake!" Shepard laughed, fumbling with her tool. The bright orange caused her to shut her eyelids and groan, her eyes overwhelmed from the intense stimulation.

"Woah, uh, yeah, Commander, you might want to get some rest. What are you guys doing, anyway? You sound a little..."

"I'm not drunk," Shepard growled, resting her head on the table surface. "I'm tried."

"Hey, hey, I'm not accusing you or anything. I'm just telling you I'm going to go sleep," Joker informed.

"Oooh, okay but wait why are you telling me this you don't...I don't...I don't care when you sleep," Shepard slurred, her words rapid and almost incomprehensible.

"I'm wondering if you'd be okay if I slept in a little? You know, since...I don't know, I'm tired, and we've done so much today."

"Yeeeaaah go ahead Joker! Hey, we should all sleep in. Let's sleep 'till noon. Then we can have a huge lunch...fuck, I'm hungry."

Garrus held his hand up to his mandibles as he attempted to suppress a laugh, Jack smirking with amusement.

"O...kay, Commander. Goodnight. Try not to get too hungover," Joker said.

"Jeff? Do you think your room is adequate enough to allow us both?" EDI asked, her voice audible in the background.

"Yeah, sure, sure. I can definitely make r-, crap, hold on." Joker turned off his end of the comm link.

"I guess it is getting pretty late," Garrus declared, readying himself out of his seat. "I have some calibrations to get to tomorrow, probably. Have to work out a kink in one of the cannons."

"Goodnight, Gare bear," Shepard stammered.

"Gare...bear...ah, okay, I'll allow it, just for tonight."

"Yeah," Jack scoffed in a light laugh, looking at Shepard with an entertained expression. "See ya."

"Take care of her. She gets...chatty when she's drunk," Garrus warned.

"I'm not drunk," Shepard emphasized.

"Right." Garrus took off, chuckling to himself softly.

"What, is it a crime to wanna drink after a long day or something. I'm bustin' ass trying to save the galaxy and everyone accuses me of being drunk. I hate it. Almost as much as I hate the council. I should call the council up and give them a piece of my mind. Letting Udina in like that...despicable, he was trouble from the start, you know? Jack? Are you listening?" Evan rambled.

"I think it's time we got you to bed," Jack suggested, getting out of her seat and lifting Shepard up from under her arms. Shepard forgot how strong Jack was, despite her being rendered almost dead weight from her inebriated state, Jack lifted her with gentle ease.

"Fine, fine, but you sleep next to me okay? I don't wanna be alone tonight, please," Shepard begged with a cracking voice, nearly over-emotional.

"Okay, fine, whatever. Hey, Shepard?"

"Yeaaah?" Shepard asked, clumsily ringing her arm around Jack's shoulder in a feeble attempt to gain support.

"What was it you wanted to tell me?"

"I forgot. I don't know. You're great, I love you. I'm glad you're here," Evan praised, stumbling across the deck like her legs were broken, clinging onto Jack.

"Oh, thanks, I guess. One last thing, Shepard."

"What?"

"I see your scars are coming back. I like it."


	13. Morning After

**AN**: Some people might find this chapter a bit..."useless." But in the development of Jack/Evan, I feel that this is one of the most crucial chapters. Keep in mind, this IS a romance fic. ;) However, I promise you I have big non-romantic, exciting ideas for some future chapter, so if these kinds of chapters aren't exactly you're forte, fear not! And if they are, well, I have a lot in stock for you, as well.

* * *

"Where are you taking me?" Shepard slurred, fumbling around in the elevator as she held onto Jack desperately.

The drink Shepard generously indulged herself with moments earlier had full control over her, relinquishing any grace she had and instead dominating her with the poise and coordination of an infant. The elevator was no longer a mundane transpiration device, now it was a rumbling, rising death trap – at least in Shepard's inebriated mind. She tightened her grip around Jack's torso, afraid that the motion of the lift would kill her, or something - she wasn't sure, but it was scary.

"...To your room. We discussed this, dumbass," Jack smirked, letting go of the intoxicated Evan.

"My room? Why? What are we doing? Do I need to feed my fish?"

"God, you're wasted. What was that? Ryncol?" Jack quickly grasped Shepard's arm as she made it clear she was unable to balance herself on her own.

"What? I don't know. I found it on...the Citadel. It was batarian or something. It's called Blood...Ale...or something...I don't remember...hey, I'm not wasted." Shepard fell into the corner of the elevator, as if some unseen force was shoving her against the wall. As the elevator rose to the top floor, the momentum caused Evan to slide down to the floor, helpless and incoherent.

When the doors zipped open seamlessly, Jack dragged Shepard over – with as much as gentleness as the burdened woman behind her would allow. She didn't protest, nor struggle, but made no effort to propel herself forward - a slurring, mumbling anchor.

"You could at least fucking stand up or something, Jesus," Jack sighed, once she reached the steps that declined into her sleeping quarters.

"I don't feel like it," Shepard honestly declared.

"Yeah, okay, but I'm not going to do this for you every time," Jack warned, lifting Shepard up by her shoulders.

The soft blue glow of her aquarium triggered a memory in Shepard's hazy brain, causing an almost clear recollection to form. She remembered the luminescence of Garrus' drink, how the three of them sat around before Shepard over-indulged on the ale, and how she was contemplating the confession she wanted to tell Jack. "Jack. Jack, I remember. I remember."

"Remember what?"

Shepard escaped Jack's hold, crawling up awkwardly into her bed, clawing and pulling on the once neat sheets that crowned it. "I remember what I wanted to, to tell you, I remember it."

"Yeah? What?" Jack asked, indelicately plopping herself next to Shepard.

"I'm using you."

"...What?"

"I'm using you, Jack. Oh my God, I don't deserve you."

"Shepard, what the fuck?" Jack's tone conveyed nothing but pure panic, sitting up and staring at Evan with intense worry. "What are you saying?"

Shepard started to sob, completely unable to hold onto any control of her emotions. Her face buried into the pillow beneath her head, mumbling unclearly into the pillowcase.

"Say that again," Jack ordered, with a strong sternness in her voice. She grabbed Shepard's visible shoulder and roughly pulled her towards her, un-obstructing her face."Tell me what you mean. I know you're drunk, Shepard, but..."

"I think I'm using you. I think that's why I wanted you. Oh God, I'm so sorry, Jack please, don't leave, I, I don't," Shepard's words were interrupted with guilty gasps for air, her face red with anguish.

Jack shook her head and pushed Shepard's shoulder away from her in disgust. "Great, fucking great. Thanks, Evan. That's exactly what I needed to hear right now."

"Please don't leave me," Evan begged, her crying slowly halting into a blubbering, sniffing mess.

"I don't see why I should stay if I don't fucking mean anything to you," Jack growled, raising her infliction at the end into a near scream.

"You mean a lot to me, I swear, oh God why did I say that?"

Jack paused and filled the air with a disappointed sigh. "I don't know. I was a lot better off not knowing that shit."

"I love you, I swear, I, I just, I," Shepard was barely able to make a clear thought.

"Why did you say that? What makes you even think that?" Jack's tone was calm, but the expression on her face said otherwise.

"I was, I was thinking that maybe the reason, I wanted you, on board..."

"Just take a moment to calm down, I can barely fucking understand you."

Shepard sighed deeply in an attempt to retain any sense of composure, but was still hiccuping in inconsistent sobs. She rehearsed this confession several times in her head throughout the day, constantly re-editing it and changing it around. In the end, all that came out was, "I asked for you back because I thought you'd help me take down...the bad guys."

"...Yeah, that's why I joined."

"No, I mean, I think, that, that's why I wanted you so bad in the first place."

"Shepard, are you retarded? You wanted me _after _I agreed to come back," Jack reminded.

"But I...what was I going to say? God, I don't know, it all feels soooo wrong," Shepard continued to babble.

"Just, ssshhh. Okay? Just shut up. Look, if that's the only reason I'm here, then I'll leave. I don't need to put up with any crap."

"Nooo, no please, noo, don't leave," Evan cried.

"Then give me a reason not to. I haven't heard any yet and it's getting pretty pathetic."

"I fell in, fell in...I fell in love with you eventually, I did, yeah, I did."

"But when?"

"I don't know, I think when I was with Traynor..." Shepard attempted to recall, but was too out of it to do so.

"So what you're telling me is, you only wanted me so badly in the first place to help take down Cerberus..."

Shepard nodded harshly.

"But then you got the hots for me."

"Yeah, yeah that's it. That's exactly it, Jack. You're so smart," Shepard fell over onto Jack, who pushed her out of the way defensively.

"No, get off me, dammit," Jack snarled, obviously upset. "Look, I hate Cerberus, so I'm okay with taking them down. But I don't see what the point of this confession is, since you told me off the bat you wan-"

"I think I'm too drunk to remember right now," Shepard said, holding her head. "No, I'm not drunk."

"Well, try to remember tomorrow, then," Jack ordered.

"Oka...hey, do you wanna?" Shepard fumbled over to Jack, draping her body perpendicularly over her torso in what appeared to be an attempt at drunken seduction. "Do you wanna do...sex?"

"No, I don't," Jack responded, once again forcing Shepard over onto her side of the bed. "You're fuckin' loaded."

"That's so mean, I mean I, I thought you wanted to...I said you owed me..."

"So you remember that, but not your little confession?"

"Ha, you're funny. God, I hate this. I'm going to sleep now."

As if her inebriated stated granted her control over her consciousness, Shepard was able to instantaneously fall asleep, much to Jack's relief.

* * *

Morning wasn't pretty – not that it ever was, but this morning was especially unappealing to anyone who would dare to behold the site. Shepard was not tucked away nicely in her sheets, instead, she woke up in a stagnant puddle of saliva she gracefully drooled during her blacked-out slumber. Half of her body was hanging off the mattress, like she made an attempt to crawl off of her bed sometime during the night. Her makeup smeared across her face and stained scattered spots around the crumpled up sheets, which once boasted a pure white tone, now tainted with the blemishes of a boozed up night. Despite all of these factors working against her, Evan slept peacefully with her head on the floor and the light pounding on her face.

Jack sat on the edge of the bed, browsing on her private extranet connection on her omni-tool, communicating with a few of her students about how support has been going. They were fine, they missed her, she wishes she could have stayed, but her face showed the worry of a woman who was distracted by something else.

"Hey...fuck, my head," Shepard groaned, slipping off the bed until her body was completely sprawled out on the floor. "Ow."

As she woke herself up, her head throbbed with a familiar pain. Her skin was drenched with sweat, and her stomach turned – she recognized these symptoms enough to know she was hungover, although she could barely recall any of the events from the nights prior. Flashes of images infiltrated her brain, something about a light blue glow, Jack getting angry at her, a terrifying mechanical monster that may or may not have been an elevator, but nothing manifested itself as anything clearer than a simple blurry frame.

"Hey." Jack logged off of her omni-tool, crawling over to the edge of the bed and peeking down at the finally awoken Spectre. "Hurts, doesn't it?"

"Yeah," Shepard confirmed, slowly making her way towards the chair adjacent to her bed. She clumsily lifted herself up into the seat, holding one hand over her brow in an effort to shield her eyes from any light. "I've had worse."

"I find that hard to believe, you were so drunk even a krogan couldn't drink you under the table."

"Ugh, it hurts. I need...I need coffee," Shepard groaned, feeling the effects of the hangover overwhelm her nerves.

"Fine, but then we're talking. Don't think I forgot about our little chat last night, princess," Jack reminded in a scowl.

Shepard hoped Jack forgot that nickname.

* * *

Evan and Jack sat around the mess hall table, this time joined with a few mingling members of their crew who were enjoying their last few moments before work to coddle themselves with a deliciously cooked breakfast. Holding a mug of fresh coffee in her hand – a mug that said "#1 COMMANDER" given to her as a joke from Garrus – Shepard tried to concentrate on the heat of the coffee against her palm to distract her from the pounding in her head, but to little success. She cradled her head lightly in one of her hands, trying to block out any stimulus. Jack sat casually across from her, choosing not to eat or drink anything, she got herself something small while Shepard was still passed out earlier. Instead, she patiently sulked into her chair, waiting for the commander to perk up enough to continue last night's conversation.

"It's too light in here," Shepard complained.

"Too bad, I want you to explain to me exactly what you meant last night." Jack spoke slowly and clearly, staring at Shepard with a rare sternness.

"Last night? You seriously think I remember anything?" Shepard asked, starting to feel anxious that she did something reckless and stupid in her drunken haze. She sipped on her black coffee, which was still hot enough to slightly stir the roof of her mouth with a brief burn. She wondered exactly what it was she did, and quickly pondered all of the possibilities – did she say something dumb about Traynor? Did she let it slip that she almost slept with Garrus a few months ago? Did she tell Jack about her secret hobby of studying the elcor in her spare time? Her heart started to race as the possibilities piled onto her consciousness like rapid acid rainfall.

"You said you were using me." Jack voiced her sentence with such monotony that she almost didn't seem surprised, and certainly didn't feel any joy in repeating it.

Of course, she remembered the realization that almost stopped her heart earlier the day before, but she had no memory of confessing it to Jack. Guilt sank back into her core, somehow worsening the pain in her temples. "Shit..."

"So you do remember," Jack huffed.

"I don't remember telling you, but yes, Jack. I do know what you mean."

"So, fucking explain. I'm listening, and you better damn well convince me that I'm not making a mistake by being here."

Shepard nodded sheepishly, taking another sip of her coffee – cooler this time, enough for her to savor the bitter taste that washed down her throat and momentarily take her mind off the aches around her body. Taking a deep sigh, she pondered how she could continue this discussion carefully without setting off Jack. Cautiously, like a game of chess, calculating each sentence as if it were a crucial move. "Well, for starters, I believe that the main reason I wanted to recruit you back was because I saw you as an essential...asset against Cerberus."

"Yeah, I get that. I don't see how that means you're 'using me,' though." Jack spoke a bit louder, grabbing the attention of a few nearby crew members, but only shortly.

"I think the reason I was so attracted to you initially was because of that. I saw you as a war asset, in a sense, and that desire to get you on our side...I guess it sort of turned into something more."

"So our relationship is based on a lie, is that it?" Jack inferred, furrowing her brow in disgust.

"No, no. I really, really, really love you, Jack, truly." The lack of reaction from Jack proved to Shepard that she was started to warm up to Evan saying that. "If I didn't think you were as sexy or as irresistible as I do now, then it wouldn't have turned into anything more. All I'm saying is, it was a factor. It was a small factor and that's it."

"If you thought I was so 'sexy' and 'irresistible,' then tell me, Shepard, why didn't you make any moves when I was first on your squad? I mean sure, you were persistent as hell, but I don't remember you putting any moves on me or any of that shit."

"I guess everything started that night you kissed me. I don't even know why you kissed me, but when you did, hell, it sort of introduced me into a new train of thought, I guess. I started thinking about it, thinking about how much of a help you would be on the ship, and it – stuck."

"I wish you would have told me all of this earlier. Shit, from the way you were sobbing last night, you made it seemed like you had something huge to confess. I almost had a heart attack," Jack said, appearing to be a lot less tense.

"I suppose when you're drunk things get blown out of proportion."

"Shepard...look, I need you to be honest with me here, okay? You're the only person I trust, and, I don't know...I kind of need you right now." Jack's tone was so soft, Shepard could sleep in it. She almost forgot about her hangover.

Instead of speaking her answer, Shepard timidly reached her free hand across the table, tenderly placing it on one of Jack's. She laced her fingers between the openings between hers, not breaking eye contact as her fingertips covered up the tattooed letters on the biotic's hand. It was a small act of affection, but between the passionate kissing and the occasional sexual encounter, there was little development in the area of romantic affection between the two, which is why it delighted Shepard in a subdued, sentimental way when she felt the pressure of Jack's hand embracing hers slightly in retaliation.

Things would get better.


	14. Influence

**AN**: Not really a Jack chapter, but I felt it was crucial in developing Shepard's personality/character a bit more and her relationship with Garrus.

Besides that, thanks for all of the kind words. :) I'm glad you all enjoy my last chapter! I was a little reluctant putting it out, but it seems to be what you guys like, which is great because I love writing those types of chapters.

* * *

"Hello there," Shepard purred, the doors in front of her parting at here mere presence. "Have a moment?"

The calmness of the main battery cast an odd tranquility in Evan, who strolled through the doorway into the isolated room. With the soft orange lights overpowering the cold blue tones of the battery itself, and the drones of technology in the atmosphere, Shepard always found this specific room to be one of the more soothing sections of the Normandy. Part of her envied Garrus for spending a majority of his time in the area, and she admitted to herself maybe that was one reason she constantly bothered him while he was working. The benefits of friendship, she told herself reassuringly.

Shepard needed some time away – a retreat, she told herself – from the hustle of the ship, and knew some relaxation with Garrus would be the best way to soothe her troubled mind, even if it was only temporary. Nothing was precisely wrong in her life, but the stresses of war and social issues were taking its toll on Evan's tough conscious.

"Can it wait? I'm in the middle of some calibrations," Garrus answered, not losing focus on his terminal. Oh, how that gravelly voice already soothed out some of her frustrations and shivered her spine, attracting her to Garrus with a platonic longing.

"Oh...I'm sorry, I'll just g-"

"That was a joke," Garrus assured, turning his head towards the commander. "I suppose I need to work more on my humor." Garrus' mandibles tweaked into a smirk, entertained by his own incompetence at making a joke. "Anyway, what's on your mind? Is it about quarians, because you know, I think it's crucial to see this situation from both sides."

"No, it's not. I, uh wanted...to talk. It's been a while since I've really had any alone time with you, Garrus," Shepard shared, leaning against the angled walls. "I wanted to check up on my one and only."

"Doesn't Jack hold that title?" Garrus asked, fidgeting with his computer.

"Not like that. no. I meant my best friend."

"And that would be...?"

"You, Garrus," Shepard snorted, amused at Garrus' supposed ignorance.

"No, I know. I just like hearing you say that. Well, I've got time. Everything seems to be fairly stable for now, assuming nothing too out of the ordinary happens."

"What, do you think we're going to be attacked?"

"No, I'm only saying, with EDI's new...tangible feature, sometimes I'm worried about the overall state of this ship. I've grown quite attached to it, to be completely honest."

"You don't trust the crew?"

Garrus paused, scanning the battery pensively. "Sometimes, I don't."

Shepard crossed her arms and perked her body up, intrigued by Garrus' trust issue. "Really?"

The turian raised his talons up to his fringe, scratching it apprehensively. "It's, ah, more or less...personal intuition than anything."

Shepard grinned knowingly. "It's not EDI, is it? Come on, you can tell me, I know it's Jack." Despite her accusation, Shepard maintained her smile, amused at Garrus' careful dodging of his real concern.

"Listen, Shepard, I fully trust your taste in women, but...I don't know, if something blows her fuse, no one can be too sure she won't exactly be too harmless with her coping mechanisms."

"Well, I'd be lying if I said I didn't agree with you to some degree, but stop worrying. She's a smart girl, she won't do anything to trivialize us."

"I'm inclined to trust your judgment, as I told you earlier, but it just nags me in the back of my head sometimes. Don't worry, though, I won't let it impair my conduct on the ship...assuming you're right, of course."

"Well, anyway," Shepard started, not wanting to linger on the topic, "I was wondering if you'd like to go somewhere and, I don't know, shoot the shit for a bit."

Garrus furrowed his bemused brow and tilted his head. "Shoot...the shit?"

"It's a human term, it means hang out."

"Ah, well, you could have fooled me," Garrus said, shrugging his shoulders. "You humans have an odd way of saying things."

Shepard chuckled and lifted herself off the wall, playfully pushing Garrus on his bulky armor. "Come on, big guy, what's say you and I spend some time by ourselves and take some shore leave?"

"I don't see why not. Where, Purgatory? Or maybe you had something else in mind?"

"Anywhere on the Citadel where no one else could find us. Somewhere where we don't have to listen to other people," Shepard explained, trying to make her intentions sound as pure as possible.

"Citadel again? Well, not that there's anywhere else to go these days. Why the hell not, I'll meet you down in the cargo bay in a few minutes. I just...I really do have to finish up these calibrations."

* * *

"You think you're ready for this?" Garrus asked, standing with confidence at the top of one of the many towers that loomed over the Presidium.

"I do."

Shepard looked out into the distance with the glazed-over eyes of someone who wasn't focused on anything. It was not to appreciate the beauty of the gradient white that disappeared off into the atmosphere, or to gawk at the different shuttles that flew over their heads like hyper-focused birds, or to appreciate the ripples that grew in the water beneath them and reminded her of how significant she could be in the galaxy. It was to realize that life still went on, that even though the ugly head of war peeked through the windows of civilization and clawed at their door, everyone was still strong enough to maintain something so beautifully detailed and live their almost meaningless lives on the speck of dust they called home.

Something about that perplexed Shepard.

She glanced down and analyzed just how far up she and Garrus were from the rest of the myriad of beings that mingled below them on the commons – the species of which were indiscernible from the height they stood.

"Something on your mind?" Garrus asked, gripping his Widow with the delicacy a mother would handle a child.

"No," Shepard dismissed. "So, what are we shooting? Bottles? Pigeons? I sure hope it's not the pigeons, they remind me of you a little."

"I'm not sure what those are, but if they're anything like this chicken I've been hearing about, maybe we could eat some afterward."

"I don't think you'd be able to eat them, Garrus."

Garrus smirked and held out his rifle to show he was ready. "In that case, bottles."

"Then prepare to get your ass kicked," Shepard teased, readying her Black Widow.

"I'll make you eat your words. Better yet, I'll make you eat my dust."

"Always with the old cliches, eh, Garrus?"

Garrus grabbed a glass bottle from the shuttle and tossed it into the air. He peered through his sights for only a brief second before launching a shot straight through the container, with enough aplomb and composure to make it seem natural. "Cliches, maybe, but that doesn't mean I don't have style."

"Not bad," Shepard admitted.

"Your turn, although I don't see any reason since we already know who's going to walk out of here the champion." Garrus threw another bottle, this time with more force, his cocky attitude seemed to strengthen him.

Evan lined up her sights – she knew she could have just as easily let Garrus leave this competitive banter with the confidence of beating Commander Shepard, but where's the fun in that? She pulled the trigger with minimal effort, witnessing the satisfying sight of the glass shattering mid-air.

"You mean me, right?" Shepard delayed in answering.

"Fine, fine. That was an easy one. Let's switch it u-"

"Hey!" a pubescent voice interjected from next to them.

A dark turian C-sec officer, young enough to hint that he was a new recruit, fumbled off of a marked shuttle that hovered beside the duo. "What are you guys doing up here? This is a restricted area." The way his voice shook tipped off Shepard that he was more afraid of the two than he let his authority convey.

"Watch it, kid," Evan warned. "We're just shooting bottles, harmless fun. We don't need to bring the law into this."

"I'm, I'm required to bring you two back with me to the office," he stammered, trying to maintain his intimidating voice.

"The hell you are."

"I'm an enforcement officer, ma'am! I am authorized to use force!" he announced, his voice quivering with fear. "Oh God, please don't hurt me," he pleaded under his breath.

"Let me deal with him, Shepard," Garrus said. "Garrus Vakarian, former C-Sec investigator."

Shepard watched with increasing interest as Garrus attempted to scare down the fresh recruit with his past title. He was completely convinced he would be able to deter him, as evident from the confidence in his stance, arms crossed and head condescendingly tilted.

"Doesn't matter, sir. If you'll just step inside my shuttle-"

"Do you have any idea who I am?" Shepard interrupted in a warning growl. "I'm Commander Shepard – the first human Spectre. And you have something coming to you if you think I'm going to listen to some fresh C-Sec officer."

"You're a Spec...look, doesn't matter, just get inside my shuttle or I will have to use f-"

"Shut up," Shepard grunted. She balled her fist up as a surge of intense adrenaline ceased control of her anatomy and raised her arm up into an uppercut. She felt helpless of her body's actions while her arm swooped from underneath her and came close to making possibly devastating contact with the poor officer's mandibles, whose reflexes weren't yet quick enough to dodge the incoming attack.

A firm grip latched on her offending arm, rendering it frozen in its path while the turian seized up in terror as soon as he comprehended what he was close to experiencing.

"Shepard," Garrus barked after grabbing her arm. "What the hell are you doing?"

Shepard looked at her shaking fists, which was inches away from impact. "I...I don't know." What was she doing?

"Okay, okay, guys, look, I'll let you two go, just please don't tell my superiors about this, all right? And don't come back here...please...just please let me go," the C-sec officer faltered, backing away from the Spectre with the look of pure horror still plastered on his exasperated face.

As soon as Garrus released Shepard's forearm, she snapped it back down to her sides in an act of shame and guilt. She nearly knocked out a young, clueless turian for obeying orders and performing his duties. Although she knew the likely candidate that influenced this behavior, she attempted to shrug it off as a temporary primal urge.

"Let's get the hell out of here," Shepard huffed to her turian companion in a hurried voice.

"Agreed."

* * *

Shepard slumped on the couch in the observation room, staring out into the galaxy and the sparkling stars – God, how she hated to look at them. How she hated to be reminded of what was at stake. She was relaxing, but she wasn't relaxed. A glass of wine was on the floor below her, half-drank and half-invested, complimented by a tapping foot adjacent to her as stress cooked her brain, seasoned with a teaspoon of apathy and garnished with a pinch of regret.

"So you...you almost punched a guy?" Jack asked, leaning from her position on the couch and staring at the agitated commander.

"Yup."

"And you're stressing out over this?" Jack asked if disbelief, a smirk pulling at her face.

"The guy didn't do anything, he was just following orders. We shouldn't have even been there in the first place."

Jack leaned back with pride, the red glow of the room washing her face and accentuating the now obvious grin she sported. "Sounds like I'm rubbing off on you."

Shepard inhaled through her nose, shaking her head slightly. "I'm ashamed to admit it, but I enjoyed the rush I got from almost doing it. I...part of me wishes Garrus didn't stop me. I don't know what I've become. I'm supposed to be the paragon of humanity, not the asshole that may or may not save the galaxy."

"Hey, if you have people who are going to stand in your way and ride your ass over minor shit like shooting bottles hundreds of feet into the air, fuck 'em. He should have backed down when you told him you were a Spectre. You're my little rebel, and I love that about you."

A sly smile surfaced on Shepard's face. It was amazing how good that woman was able to make her feel. "I'm gl-"

"Hello, uh, Comman...oh, I'm sorry."

"Traynor?" Evan snapped her head back and glanced up at the specialist, who stood timidly in the entrance of the Starboard Observation. The soft lights wonderfully complimented her skin- she almost forgot how attractive Samantha was, but she knew there was a reason they had a brief fling, even if it was superficial.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were busy."

Samantha's actually talking to her? Shepard's heart leapt as she fumbled up from her seat, turning her body to face Traynor, the ends of her intensely red hair brushing her cheek. "What is it? What, uh, what do you wanna talk to me about?"

"I was wondering if you'd be available for a moment or two...I wanted to talk...about uh, data..."

Data? Shepard's intuition told her otherwise. She looked down at Jack, who shrugged lethargically.

"Go ahead, I got shit to do, anyway. I'm still technically in charge of my kids, soo...yeah." Jack logged onto her omni-tool, breaking eye contact with Shepard.

Shepard walked to the entrance, greeting a concerned specialist. "All right, Traynor. Let's...talk."

"In private..."

"Of course."

* * *

**AN**: Obviously I have plans for the next few chapters, but I'm always up for any suggestions if anyone wants to give me any (via PM or review). Hope you enjoyed! 8) Reviews encouraged and PMs are always welcome!


	15. The Truth

AN: I'm back! I'm not healed – my infection is gone, but turns out I have nerve damage in my spine that will take forever to heal...ah, well, I digress. :D So how about that Citadel DLC? Won't spoil anything, but if you romanced Traynor, PLAY IT. It's beautiful. And the DLC itself was wonderful. But this is a fic, not a review. (Don't worry, no spoilers in this chapter).

At the same time, though...sorry, Traynor fans. I had this planned for a while, yeahhh headcanons.

* * *

As the two exited the Observation room, Evan awaited with patience Samantha's explanation for pulling her aside, but was gifted instead an anxious glance accompanied by a heavy sigh. Traynor's confidence composure started to fall apart as soon as the two of them entered the hallway, her eyes averting away from Evan's stare and instead choosing to focus on the floor beneath them.

Data? No data could cause the nervousness that nested behind her eyes.

"What did you really want to talk to me about?" Shepard asked, trying her best not to sound annoyed.

Samantha paused. Finally, she met Evan's gaze, her mood taking an unexpected plunge to a forged level of sadness. "First, I want to show you something."

Samantha lead Evan to the bunk room, almost unoccupied, except for a napping crew member who lay on top of his sheets. She eased herself onto one of the bottom bunks that was tucked in the back of the tiny, metallic room, Evan taking a seat next to her. The bed was firmer than the softer one she had in her quarters, a luxury she took for granted. The bed was nicely made, the sheets folded carefully and the entire area engulfing the bunk was organized to painstaking perfection, down to the photos of family members arrayed on the wall around it to the several academic books next stacked like dinner plates next to the bunk. It read "Samantha" all over it.

"Is...this your bunk?" Shepard asked, predicting the answer.

"Yes, but that's not why I brought you here," Samantha said, reaching beneath her bed and pulling out a silver, locked box.

"I'm guessing you wanted to me show your box," Shepard thought out loud. Oh, crap. That didn't come out quite right.

Despite her sadness, Samantha was hardly able to repress a chortle. "Just give me a moment...Evan."

She flicked the lock up, opening the compact box with a sharp creak. Shepard shifted around on the mattress, anxious to see what it was exactly that Samantha felt was important to show her. Traynor pulled an old photo out of the container, delicately with no intent to damage it.

The photo was of a beautiful, dark-haired younger woman, who appeared to be sitting at a table for some banquet. The woman in the photo was obviously enjoying herself at whatever event was being held, and Shepard herself was momentarily lost in the genuine gaze her brown eyes offered.

"She's pretty," Shepard noted.

Samantha stared at the photo, losing herself in whatever strong sentiment it offered to her. She was troubled, as her hands shook and her eyes became sore.

"Is she your sister...or..."

"She was my first girlfriend, Evan," Samantha spoke, her tone soft but strained. Her eyes fixated on the photo."My first...real love."

"Well, she's beautiful."

"Her name's Nina, and..."

Although Evan knew this story did not end happy, she was not prepared for the raw emotion that Samantha wore as her eyes stayed concrete on the photo, as if she was trying to study every detail on the young woman's charming appearance. It was painful to witness.

"It wasn't love at first sight...we were best friends before she kissed me out of nowhere, and...oh, God...I fell for her so fast after that. We were inseparable, we even talk about getting married – can you believe that, so young and talking about marriage?" Samantha calmed down; reminiscing about her love for Nina started to cheer her up. "God, I was so nervous with her for so long, but she taught me all I ever needed to know about loving someone...she was so gentle, but so strong. We almost never fought.

"We worked in the labs together, she was the only thing keeping me sane through those all-nighters I pulled rather generously. We'd joke around all night, share research, come up with inane hypotheses, and, uh, well – fool around in the supply closet when things got really quiet...I never thought I could have so much fun spending so much time in such a sterile environment." Samantha breathed deep, her calm stature starting to fade away. "One night, she told me she was going back to visit her parents, that she'd only be there for the weekend. I asked to come along, and she said no - she told me she wasn't ready for her parents to know she was in a serious relationship. We had a fight, and she left the lab in tears, and left for home the next day. It was the hardest night of my life – I don't think I got anything done that night..."

"I'm sorry, I can imagine that must have hurt to hear," Evan softly comforted.

"Her parents...lived in Tiptree. I never saw her again."

"Wait...didn't Tiptree get attacked pretty recently?"

"Yes." Samantha's eyes welled up again, finally letting go of the photo as it wafted onto the cold floor. Her hands cupped the sides of her head as she trembled with despair.

"I'm...I'm so sorry, Samantha."

"It's why I left that godforsaken place," Traynor wailed, her voice muffled under the pressure of her hands. "I never went back to the lab after I heard the news of her death. That's when I joined here..."

Shepard reached her arm around an upset Traynor, gently pulling her into her body in an attempt at consolation. Samantha responded by placing her head on Shepard's shoulder, still distraught and quietly sobbing.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, Samantha. I...I don't know what to say."

"Don't. Don't say anything. I'm telling you this, because...because I wanted to let you know it's not your fault that this whole thing made me so upset. I'm sorry...it's my own damn fault. It was my fault for even trying anything with you when my heart was never even fixed from being so painfully broken. It was my fault for thinking I could love again, when clearly...clearly I can't."

"It's not your fault, it's never easy to get over something like that," Shepard assured, holding Traynor closer.

"I'm so sorry for ignoring you and for getting too attached. I'm such a fool for acting the way I did around you...God, I'm just...I'm an idiot, a blubbering idiot."

"Sssh, stop," Shepard managed to say, despite her uneasiness about Samantha's despair. She nuzzled Traynor's head with her face, still holding her tight into the side of her body. "There's no reason to feel sorry. I'm the one who should be sorry."

"It was so idiotic of me to believe you could actually love me after a few days. I feel like I took advantage of you."

"No, I took advantage of you..." Evan confessed, easing her head away from the distraught specialist.

"Did you even...I mean, did you – enjoy it?" Samantha asked, her sobs losing frequency.

"I...well, yeah, I did. The few times we did, I mean." As badly as Shepard wanted to console Samantha, an uncomfortable feeling started to creep into her chest.

"Of course. It was incredible."

Shepard nodded lightly, getting antsy. "Yeah..."

A silence broadened the tension as Samantha still remained tucked into Shepard's body, cuddling up a bit close for Shepard's comfort – although she did not protest. "It was, wasn't it?"

A strong breath entered Shepard, rising Samantha's body as her chest expanded with the inhale. Evan couldn't pinpoint the exact moment it started to happen, or what exactly it was that gave Traynor the invitation to go ahead, but she felt a worryingly pleasant sensation of warmth on the side of her neck. She was too terrified to look at the offending culprit, but didn't need to, she could recognize the consistency, the feeling of breath on her exposed flesh, and the dampness of...lips.

She did not protest.

Shepard closed her eyes and allowed Traynor to kiss her neck, up towards her jaw line and lingering below her cheek. As Samantha lingered, Evan felt pressure on her thigh, that traveled to her pelvis, tantalizing the area below. It was Traynor's hand.

She still did not protest, and instead, she was now turned on. Maybe it was the fact she hasn't felt relief since Traynor interrupted her and Jack, or maybe it was how forbidden this seemed, but she couldn't ignore the pulsing ache she felt – how she almost wanted to cheer Samantha on with a moaning "go ahead," curse the very pants that clothed her right now, and feel Samantha's fingers inside her.

Her heart raced inside her heavy chest, Samantha's fingers sliding under her waistband, inticing a mix of arousal and anxiety inside of Shepard. She imagined Jack walking through the doors and seeing her girlfriend with the hand of another woman inside of her pants, and her neck underneath Samantha's mouth, and somehow that made her arousal worse. Or, what if the napping man woke up and peeked behind him and saw this?

Traynor's fingers cupped Shepard under her underwear, a lone one entering inside and easing itself in effortlessly. Evan crooked her neck further away from Samantha, who clung onto her and didn't cease her soft suckles on Evan's skin as it danced away.

"Stop..."

"Hm?" Traynor purred, nipping Evan's neck with her front teeth.

"I said, stop!" Shepard demanded, pulling away.

"Oh, I'm sorry – do you not like being bitten?"

Realizing the gravity of the situation replaced Shepard's arousal with a sinking naesua. How she could even dare to jeopardize her relationship with the woman she pined over with such a juvenile act perplexed her. "I love Jack...what the hell are you doing?"

"I don't – I thought you wanted..."

"I don't!"

Samantha withdrew herself completely, sliding to the other side of the bed. "I...you didn't stop me...I just...oh, God, I'm so..."

She was right – Evan didn't stop her, a fact that burdened her conscious for a long time to come. "I should...go."

"Please don't tell Jack," Samantha pleaded, folding her arms in her lap in shame. "I don't need her after me...I can't even begin to imagine what sort of damage she could do to me."

"...I should go."

Shepard hurried out of the room, not daring to look back; she knew the sight of an emotionally defeated Traynor would only drain her. She stood outside the room, her anxiety amplifying once she realized she had to face Jack. How could she tell her? Should she even tell her? And then, she remembered what Samantha told her about Nina, how badly she just wanted to someone to love to forget about her – and the sympathy came back. Negative emotions kept piling onto each other and overwhelming Shepard's poor head...

"Hey."

Shepard looked up solemnly, greeted with the sight of Jack hanging out from the Observatory. "What did she want?"

She couldn't stand to look Jack in the eyes, after almost betraying her trust. "Just wanted to ask me something about...some data she found." Lie number one.

"Yeah, okay, well at least you two are talking again. Anyway, get dressed. Wear something nice or some shit, we're going out somewhere nice. I just found out my kids have been promoted to biotic support for N7 units, we're celebrating," Jack smirked.

"Sounds great. Hey, uh, Jack?"

"Yeah?"

Shepard stalled, pondering the ramifications of confessing of what just happened between her and the specialist. "I love you."

Jack raised an eyebrow, shifting herself to lean up against the door frame around the Observatory. "I, uh, I love you too...that was pretty random."

"Promise me you'll remember that, all right?"

"Yeah, anything. Just...go get dressed, all right, princess?" Jack requested, but with a flattered smile and a soft voice.

This was going to hurt.


	16. Table for Two?

"Omega? Citadel? ...Virmire? Ilos? Where are we going tonight, exactly?" Evan asked, putting on a simple, authentic pearl earring.

"Jesus, Vimire? That's a bit dark, even for you," Jack smirked, fastening her boots on Shepard's - their – bed. "I was thinking somewhere we could rent a room, possibly Omega. I like your room just fine, but I'm gonna be honest with ya, Shepard, I want to get laid tonight after dinner, and fast."

"Aw, you're so romantic," Shepard jested, fixing her hair. She momentarily admired how well her vibrant fire hair complimented the long-sleeved black dress that cascaded down her torso and hugged her hips. Evan labored almost daily at the Normandy's resident gym for the past few months, since Anderson made a rather off-putting comment about her body. Although she wasn't self-conscious about her physique, Shepard knew it wouldn't hurt to stay in shape if she really were the last hope for the galaxy.

And she looked damn good tonight.

Still, after a brief session of adoring herself, her mind snapped back like a firing gun to the shame that riddled her conscious over her encounter with Samantha. Enough time passed that Samantha could have possibly informed a few crew members about it, although knowing Traynor, she most likely kept quiet about the encounter and Shepard's fleeting bypass of morals.

Though that did not excuse her from the inevitable task of telling Jack about it. Shepard struggled with the thought of keeping it a secret, but knew that any trust breached between the two was a dagger into their relationship's throat. Besides, Shepard based her life off of honesty and directness, not slyness and deceit. As she glanced back at her oblivious lover, tightening the straps around her jacket, the lust and affection that she felt for the woman ravaged her gut with the unpleasant reminder of how she almost risked it all to relieve a primal urge with another woman.

"So, Jack,..this is a big night for you."

"Damn right it is. Shit's actually working out for once. I know you always have crap like this working out for you, but us less important folk don't always get something as huge happening to us. My kids are growing up and it's all 'cause of me, fuck anyone else who says otherwise. I'm proud of the little shits." Jack stood up, scanning herself over with a satisfied grin. "I look good, and damn, so do you. Your ass looks great in that dress."

"And...you're wearing the same thing you always do?" Shepard noted, although blushing at the compliment directed at her ass.

"I look fine in this. You looked like you just rolled out of bed earlier, which is why I told you to change, and you did a damn good job."

"So, we're really not going anywhere too fancy?"

Jack laughed, shaking her head. "I just wanted to see you dress up for once."

Finishing up her accessorizing, Shepard walked over to Jack, draping her arms around the biotic's neck and greeting her with a smile so suggestive it'd make a marauder blush. "Hopefully you'll be able to get me out of this dress when the night's over."

"That's the plan, you perv," Jack joked, nestling her head on an amorous Evan's shoulders. "You smell nice."

"Gotta please all the senses."

"All of them, huh?" Jack purred, strolling away from Evan. "Even taste?"

_You're not making this any easier, _Shepard internally whined, clenching her fists as a wave of temptation coursed through her body. Even though she halted Samantha before anything major happened, she couldn't repress the ache for relief that swayed her body.

"I..." Shepard choked on her words.. "I, uh, if you want to find out...come...here..." Shepard wasn't sure how to be sexy when her thoughts were so scattered.

"Save it for later," Jack teased, opening the doors to Shepard's quarters as the flustered Spectre followed. "You horny little b-"

Shepard cut off Jack with a strong kiss, or more like a violent meeting of their lips – with just enough suggestion of desire to desperately prod at Jack that she wanted more, and now.

"Wow, Shepard," Jack breathed, escaping the sudden kiss, although not without wrapping an arm around the woman's waist. "I've never seen you like this before. What's gotten into you?"

What _has _gotten into her? Was it realizing how easily something could threaten their relationship, was it residue from Samantha's coy attempt at getting into her pants – again? Shepard wasn't sure, but it was growing unbearable. It wasn't like her to be distracted by pure lust. "Nothing, I just-"

"Seriously, though. Save that. It could come in handy tonight."

* * *

"Steak? Isn't that a bit...cliche?" Shepard teased, amused at Jack's choice of entree.

The restaurant offered the normal pink and red of Omega, populated with such a diversity of species that the two could swear they were the only humans there. It wasn't an upscale restaurant, at least not by the galaxy's standards, but boasted a stellar level of class compared to the other establishments on Omega. It was crowded; it was around time everyone got off their shifts and hit the bar to knock back a few shots before returning to their mediocre lives. Although there was a depressing scent in the air, Shepard was surprisingly comfortable in the restaurant, her earlier desires faded, and her affection for Jack returned, but each time she remembered what she needed to confess, her stomach would turn – making it difficult for her to look at the menu without feeling physically ill.

"I like steak, so what? I don't feel like eatin' anything too fancy." Jack knocked back the rest of her drink. Shepard wasn't listening when she ordered the beverage, but the small serving, eerie green glow, and strong smell that reached Evan across the circular table hinted at something strong, perhaps too strong for the occasion.

"So, N7 units. That's pretty exciting. Maybe they'll be N7 someday, huh?"

"If there is a 'someday.'"

"No need to be pessimistic, Jack, I know what I'm doing here. Believe me, your kids will work their way up to N1 ranks in no time."

"They shouldn't have to," Jack protested, kicking up her boots onto the table, causing a few disgruntled looks from the restaurant staff. "I'm hoping after this Reaper shit, my kids can take a break. Maybe we could all hang out on shore leave."

"That's the dream." Shepard drank the remainder of her wine, her thirst for alcohol driven by her anxiety.

"Watch the booze, Shepard," Jack warned. "Don't want you getting drunk again."

"You're one to talk. Whatever you're drinking could knock out a krogan."

"Yeah, but I don't get hungover. You do." Jack smirked, as if remembering the drunken stupor Shepard went through a few days earlier.

"It's just a little wine. It's a time for celebration, come on."

"All right, just don't go confessin' weird shit to me like last time."

Shepard got quiet, staring into the empty glass she flimsily grasped in front of her. She could feel the heat of Jack's stare go through her very being, but her head went cold as she gathered enough strength to finally speak. "I want to talk to you about something."

"Oh yeah?"

"Traynor and I...well, she didn't want to talk about data." Shepard saw no reason to ease Jack into the intimate and potentially detrimental information she was about to confide her in. She wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible.

"...Yeah?"

"She told me about her old girlfriend. Things got a little weird, and, well, to put it bluntly, she made a move on me."

Jack's face fell into an intriguing mix of anger and panic. "She...fucking what?"

"She kissed me. Well, not me. She kissed my neck. And then she tried to...well, she put her hand somewhere...it shouldn't have been." The words fell out of Shepard's mouth like dinner plates crashing down. She could almost see the words pile up on the table, unable to be hidden, unable to stop them from escaping her throat as her voice shook. "I didn't stop her. Not for a good minute or so. I'm sorry, I just thought you should know."

Evan expected a congruous Jack response of anger and threats of violence, and tensed her muscles up in anticipation. After a few painful seconds, however, it was clear Jack wasn't going to retaliate to the confession with any hint of rage. "You didn't stop her?"

"But I did, though. I did stop her, I told her I loved you. But for a few seconds, I didn't. I was just..."

"Shit, Shepard, is _that _why you were all over me earlier? Was I just some sex relief outlet for you after that bitch got you hot and bothered?"

"No, I didn't stop her because I was afraid. I was a coward. It made me feel sick to my stomach, so I stopped her and ran out."

Jack exhaled noticeably out of her nose, glaring at Evan with one of the most painful looks she's ever received. Suddenly, the ambient chatter and clanks around the two faded, her concentration zeroing in on the stressed biotic and nothing more, nothing else mattered except for receiving any renewed affection and respect from Jack. _Just say something, anything,_ she pleaded.

"You gotta work on that 'coward' thing. You're Commander fuckin' Shepard. We can't have a coward in charge of the galaxy."

"You're right, I'm sorry."

"Don't fucking apologize. I don't want to hear it. Man up, Shepard. I'll forgive you on this one, but I'm sick of you acting like a pussy. I miss the Shepard that punched out reporters and gave the finger to the Illusive Man, the one that would headbutt a krogan and steal from a volus to give to the poor."

Shepard was relieved, but the relief was accompanied with a pang of hurt; Jack was right. She noticed that the edge she once bore grew dull, as her mind grew hazy and her anxiety grew with each pressing task. Her scars were there, but the red glow left.

The asari waitress approached to two, serving their meals, and Evan almost gasped at the sudden intrusion, forgetting they were out at dinner. The shame of confessing such a despicable act during such an important night for Jack hurt Shepard on several levels, her appetite gone. "I guess I have lost my edge."

"I don't know, almost punching that turian was pretty ballsy. Do more shit like that."

"You mean, be an asshole?"

"Yeah." Jack smiled – she _smiled. _"Anyway, about Traynor though. I'm not going to tell you what you can and can't do, I'm not a psycho girlfriend. But...I don't know if hanging around her...I don't like it. I don't trust her."

"But you trust me?"

"Yeah. You've proven you loved me, I trust you. I'll blame Traynor for this one, because she obviously needs to get laid."

Shepard stared at her food – God, it looked so delicious, a generous serving of pasta in a thick red sauce, garnished with a melody of vegetables. She wished so dearly that her stomach would un-knot. She had to change the subject. "Do you know a lot about the elcor?"

"Is this your idea of dinner conversation?" Jack grinned, enjoying her meal.

"They're so fascinating. Can you imagine them at war? 'Increasingly frustrated, step back, commie.'"

Jack laughed, drawing attention from nearby patrons. Shepard smirked with relief, calming down just enough to finally injest some of her food.

"What about a horny elcor? 'With peaked arousal, yes, just like that," Jack added, trying her best at a monotone voice.

Shepard spat some of her pasta out. "Jack, stop," she giggled.

"I'm glad we finally got some alone together, and I don't mean that in some stupid sexual way or whatever. I wish you weren't always so busy, it's pretty nice being able to just fuck around with you."

"Well, maybe when the war's over we could have some more time together. Maybe settle down a bit." Evan hoped she wasn't overstepping any boundaries that were constructed after her confession, worried that Jack was still too weary to consider any serious future.

But Jack just flashed a genuine grin, her eyes as joyed as her smile. "I'd like that."

* * *

The exhausted duo stumbled into their hotel room, overwhelmed by a few drinks as well as an impromptu extended session of dancing they shared at the bar next to their restaurant. It was hours since Evan told Jack the truth, and her conscious was lighter because of it. She was still conscious, however, of making sure she treated Jack special tonight, not leaving her side and trying her best to remind the biotic just how much she loved her, even if she did occasionally come off as a tad annoying in the eyes of the public, who witnessed her dancing especially close and tenderly with the biotic during a slow song.

The room was dark and orange, but reflected the salary of a Commander – just luxurious enough to make the night memorable, offering a quaint, romantic atmosphere, and a complimentary bottle of champagne on the wooden table next to the king-sized bed. The mumbles of a nearby couple echoed through the thin walls, unfortunately hinting that although the room itself was intimate, it was not private – but the two woman were too excited to care.

"Not bad," Shepard noted, plopping herself down on the red comforter of the bed.

"Yeaaah, it's pretty fuckin' sweet," Jack agreed, sitting next to a tipsy Shepard.

Shepard leaned her head on Jack's shoulder, remembering what Jack said earlier in the night. She wasn't particularly skilled with initiating anything, snuggling up against the woman's heavily-inked neck with a soft purr. Jack playfully responded with a hand around the commander's waist, pulling her into her body. This all seemed so awfully familiar, but Shepard shrugged it off.

While Jack retaliated with a gentle thigh stroke, Shepard couldn't bring herself to get in the mood for anything more than a close cuddle with her. The night she had with Jack didn't bring back the lust she felt earlier, instead, it awoken a deeper affection for the woman.

Shepard knew she loved her, but this was the first time she felt truly in love with her.

Jack seemed to catch on, lying back on the bed and bringing Shepard with her, who cozily nuzzled herself into the curve of Jack's torso, burying her face below her clavicle. Neither of them minded the muffled argument of what sounded like a turian and krogan from the room next door, something about it soothed Shepard, in fact, as she planted a quick, soft kiss on Jack's shoulder. She wanted to drift asleep there, on her body, every night, waking up to the sight of the woman she adored, the sweet smell of her skin, and the sounds of her soft breaths. This was home, it wasn't the Normandy, it wasn't her lonely quarters, it was Jack.

A few comfortable moments crept by the couple, who enjoyed the pleasant company of each other. "I...God, this is going to sound so stupid, but if I could just lie here with you, without worrying about the war, and never have to get up...I'm pretty sure that's the closest to heaven I'll get."

Jack smirked, kissing the top of Evan's head. "I know. I feel the same way."

* * *

**A/N:** oops fluff when you expected smut sorry. I like writing fluff (or whatever this is?) so expect more fluff later in the story. I hope you like it at least, ahaha.


	17. Ink

**AN**: I'm sorry about the huge delay. Life hasn't been kind to me lately.

Anyway, I've had this idea for a little while, and it was nice seeing something similar in the Citadel DLC. Maybe too similar, but oh well.

* * *

"Get up." Jack's voice tumbled through Evan's head like a pleasant shock – although met with the unpleasantness of waking up.

"Wha..."

"I said, get up. It's late."

Shepard felt a crumple of fabric hit the back of her head as Jack tossed bits and pieces of an outfit to her out of her small suitcase. Her eyes opened with reluctance, taking a moment to recognize the scenery as the hotel room they booked on Omega. The wonderful aesthetic that she perceived the night prior faded with her intoxication, the room now seeming sleazy and cramped, despite being the priciest accommodation in the area. And her head – well, it was all right, but it was clouded and stirring. "Hrrngh." She turned over, facing a blurry Jack.

"Come on, you barely drank last night. You can't tell me you're hungover _again." _

"I'm not, I'm just admiring the view," Evan yawned with a weak whimper, eying her girlfriend with interest.

"Get dressed," Jack ordered, but still with a smile lingering. "I'm taking you somewhere. Uh, somewhere...special."

"Dare I ask where? Or would that ruin its...specialness?"

"Just put some clothes on."

"Now I'm intrigued," Shepard shared. "Most of our surprises don't involve me putting my clothes _on."_

"You'll take them off soon enough, believe me." Jack stood by the entrance, slouched in an impatient stance, waiting for Shepard to get ready.

"I was just joking," Shepard groaned, finally easing out of the messy bed.

"I'm not. Get ready."

* * *

"This place doesn't seem too friendly," Shepard noted, subtly patting around her body to make sure she still had her new Paladin equipped – for emergencies, of course.

"I know this place pretty well. Just stick with me and don't make eye contact with anyone. If anyone looks at you funny, don't think twice to give 'em one between the eyes."

Batarians, vorchas, and the occasional krogan glared at the two woman, appearing to be more interested in Shepard than Jack. Obviously, the residents were not too fond of newcomers in the dark pit they ventured into, littered with crates of varying sizes, cigarette butts, and what Shepard swore was a dead pyjak. Conversations seized whenever they strolled by, as if everyone in the alley had something to hide. Shepard was especially targeted by the piercing stares, it was clear her reputation followed her into even the cracks of society.

Eventually, the two turned into a slightly brighter clearing, which somewhat resembled a settled establishment. Although the characters that inhabited the clearing weren't any cheerier, the environment was – Shepard could sense a hint of sterility and standards. A turian nodded at Jack, arms crossed in a display of his uneasiness towards Shepard. He had scars around his face, reminding her of a certain turian back home, but his gaze did not reflect the friendliness Garrus had. Instead, it only invited a slightly queasy feeling into Shepard, fearing exactly what Jack's surprise was.

"Jack, I'm not stupid. I know who that is, who the hell do you think you are bringing a fucking Spectre down here? Do you know the type of shit that goes on in the back?" he quietly growled to Jack, keeping an eye on Shepard. His raspy voice had the intimidating pitch of a krogan.

"Relax, asshole. She's cool. She has other stuff to worry about than what some dumbasses are doing on Omega."

The turian scoffed and shook his head. "If we get shut down, I'm kicking your ass."

"I'd like to see you try."

"So what...exactly...do you do here?" Shepard asked.

"You didn't even tell her?" the turian asked in surprise.

"You're getting inked."

"...Wait, you mean...like a tattoo?"

"Yeah," Jack admitted, as the turian rolled his eyes.

A tattoo? Shepard never considered tattoos to be a part of her life. They looked nice on some people – hell, Jack's tattoos drove her wild, but the thought of permanently scarring herself with ink irked her. She had a reputation to keep, and getting a tattoo could taint it. Or – maybe she was so well loved that she could do whatever she wanted? Points from both sides volleyed through her brain as Jack and the turian whispered to each other, the turian keeping a eye on the preoccupied Spectre.

"Shepard," Jack finally addressed.

"Yeah?"

"Follow us."

"We're really doing this? Look, Jack, I love you, but I don't know if I'm ready to get your name-"

"What? My name? Shepard, I love tattoos, but I'm not retarded," Jack said.

The turian chuckled.

"Just follow me," Jack instructed, the turian nodding and leading the two into the secluded back room.

A batarian with red armor smoking a cigarette crowded one of the far corners, while another turian tattooed the arm of a nervous looking salarian. Vulgar drawings accented the walls around the room, ranging from a krogan bloodily headbutting a salarian, to a pyjak giving the middle finger. Jack pulled up an image on her omni-tool, shielding it from Shepard's sight as she presented it to the turian.

"Take off your shirt," the turian ordered Shepard, pushing Jack out of the way as he approached one of the tables that reminded Evan of the stretchers in Huerta Memorial.

Shepard hesitantly removed her top, an awkward sensation settling in as she crossed her arms across her chest in a feeble attempt to cover herself up.

"Get over here, and lie down."

"I think I have a right to know what the hell I'm getting before I do anything," Shepard barked.

"It's a design I made...I made it a while ago and I thought it'd be hot to see it on you. And I don't know, it'd just mean a lot to me if you were the one who wore it."

Although the sentiment pleased Shepard, she still wasn't very warmed up to the turian. "How do I know this place is safe? How do I know this guy's licensed?What if I get an infection? The savior of the galaxy isn't going to let the Reapers win because she's sick with an infection."

"I've gotten inked plenty of times here," said Jack. "This place is safe, it's the safest on Omega. You're not going to infected. And if you're so fucking worried, Shepard, then tell me, why did you already take off your shirt?"

Shepard opened her mouth, but no vocal response fell out. The idea of getting a tattoo excited her, but she was almost too proud to admit it. "All right, let's just get this over with."

Shepard lay over the table on her stomach, the turian setting up and stenciling Shepard's back as she glanced up at Jack with a hint of confusion and fear. "I swear to God, Jack, if this turns out to be Anderson's butt or something, I will kill you."

Jack laughed and leaned up against an adjacent wall. "It's not. Don't worry, I'd probably make Tali or something get a tattoo like that."

A cold gel shivered Evan, the turian rubbing the solution on her the back of her left shoulder. Shepard's been shot, stabbed, beaten, and even thrown through wreckage several times, but she still felt nervous as the buzzing of the tattoo needle revved up behind her.

"My name's Servius," the turian grumbled, dipping the needle into red ink.

"What?"

"You said 'that guy.' It's Servius."

"Oh—ow," Shepard winced, the needles hitting her skin.

The pain wasn't bad, she realized, as the sting hit her torso. It was uncomfortable, but not unbearable. How badly she wished she could just turn around and see what the design was – the suspense was excruciating, and nagged her more than the stinging on her skin.

* * *

"First tattoo?" the salarian asked, a husky krogan tattooing his arm with a tight grip around the frail limb. "Ow. Sorry."

"Yeah..." Shepard had been lying down for a few minutes now, long enough that she was warming up to the pain.

"Same here. Initiation tattoo. Joined Omega gang – the 'Mad Varren.' I'm the first salarian to ever join. Tattoos aren't exactly a salarian tradition, far too risky and our lives too short. But gang leader insisted."

Shepard could make out a quarian pin-up girl in process that traveled down his forearm. The outline was finished, exhibiting clear lineart and careful detail. The level of effort and attention to what he boasted so far eased Evan's mind about the credibility of the establishment.

"Wouldn't they have made you get a gang symbol or something?" Jack asked.

"Yes. I'm getting that next. This one's first, though. Gang leader swears it's tradition...or – ow, something."

Shepard flinched momentarily as the needles hit her shoulder blade, the area growing more and more sore as Servius continued his work. Jack leaned over from her position against the wall to get a clear view of whatever it was Shepard was getting marked with. "Looking good."

"I don't know what the hell this is supposed to be, but whatever it is, it's pretty cool," Servius admitted.

"Yeah, thanks. It's just something I came up with a while ago. I wanted to get it myself, but...I wanted to see Shepard with it first."

"Why don't you get it, too, then?" Shepard asked.

"Do I look like I have room?"

"Your neck has space...and I swore I saw some room on your ass," Shepard teased, trying to use humor to distract her from the sharp sensation on her back.

Servius chuckled to himself. "I didn't realize you guys were like that."

"I do have space, but it's gotta fit. I can't just put random shit all over my body, it needs to flow and look nice. There's an art behind it."

"Right. So does this mean you're going to ink my whole body?"

"We'll see how this goes."

"You're done," the krogan growled to the salarian. "This session's over."

"Wow, it looks...um, it looks great. Thanks." The salarian was insincere and nervous, attempting to cover it up with a trembling smile. Despite the content of the tattoo, Shepard found it hard to resist how well it was turning out – and tried her hardest not to see Tali in it. She giggled at the thought of Tali posed like that, causing her body to shift.

"Oh, crap, I'm sorry," she apologized.

"You're fine," Servius grumbled.

"I believe that tipping is customary at parlors, yes? 200 credits...that should be enough," the salarian announced, fiddling with his omni-tool.

"Yeah. Thanks. Sit still for a second, will ya? I gotta wrap your arm."

"Done," Servius declared, rubbing Shepard's tattoo with an odd-smelling gel.

"Can I see?" Shepard asked impatiently.

"Yeah, stand up and look in that mirror."

Shepard eased off the table, turning herself around to finally get a look at what it was Jack wanted her branded with so badly. It was a design she's never been familiarized with – a red star within another red circle. Curious, she thought, but somehow, she loved it. Something about the tattoo read "Evan Shepard", as if it was specifically designed for her and no one else. After a few moments of admiring the fresh colors that brandished her skin, she realized that Jack was staring at her with the intent of reading what her reaction to the tattoo was.

"I...I love it. Wow. I really do, actually. Where did you even come up with this, Jack?" Shepard asked, still marveling at the tattoo and how clean it was presented.

"I dunno, just something I came up with when I was on Pragia. I drew a lot back there...anything to keep me occupied." Jack's composure grew sullen, signaling Shepard that the design had a much deeper meaning than just a random composition Jack threw together.

"Well, I love it."

"This one's on the house," Servius offered, taping a small covering over Shepard's new tattoo.

"Why? You know I'm good for it," Jack said. "I don't need any charity."

"This ain't charity. I'm the only turian, hell, I'm the only one to ever tattoo the Commander fuckin' Shepard. I can't charge for that."

"You seemed pretty apprehensive about me earlier, Servius," Shepard noted, putting her shirt back on.

"I was afraid you were going to bust me. We're not licensed."

"Servius, shut the hell up," the krogan warned.

"Don't worry, I'll keep quiet about this. As long as you continue to give me free tattoos," Shepard teased.

"Does this mean you'll get more? 'Cause I have a bunch of ideas for you," Jack shared, gaining some of her excitement back.

"Maybe. Gotta focus on the bigger stuff right now, Jack," Shepard grinned.

"Yeah, right: war, Reapers, quarians, geth, Miranda's ass...am I forgetting anything?"

"I think that pretty much covers it."

Jack kissed Shepard quickly on the forehead, leading her out of the parlor. Servius waved an unenthusiastic talon goodbye as he sterilized, or so she hoped, his work space. "That wasn't so bad, right? You were squirmin' around like some sort of pussy once you realized where we were."

"No, it wasn't. To be honest, it took my mind off a lot of things," Shepard confessed, grasping Jack's hand with hesitance as they left the clearing.

"And now, you're mine. And you have the mark to prove it," Jack joked.

"I hope you're joking. No one owns Commander Shepard," Shepard smirked.

"I could be, but where's the fun in telling you?"

–

**AN**: Sorry to end kind of abruptly! Hopefully next chapter will be a little more speedier than this one was. Also, no offense to people who have random tattoos – I have quite a few myself, just a small headcanon I had for Jack.


	18. Lucky

AN: Been in kind of a funk lately, and writer's block seems to be a side effect, so I thought I'd bang out a short little smut chapter I've been mulling around for a while. Enjoy~

I'm also really sorry that I've been awful with updating. I have something wrong with my spine that's been causing me to be in and out of the emergency room constantly, and I haven't really had the time or motivation to write, or do anything, really.

* * *

Shepard's head melted into the pillow beneath her as easily as her hands fit into the groove on Jack's back. Fingers laced beneath the gauze that coiled around Jack's frame, and a chin nestled cozily on the top of her head, the day lulled on while the Normandy glided an aimless path through the dark skies. Although her heart and breath were slow, her head raced with thoughts on how to show any sort of affection to Jack. She kissed the top of her head and lightly squeezed the bit of flesh her hands rested on. Evan wasn't aroused, but she was in the mood to show Jack just how much she adored her. She had settled into the relationship enough that her anxieties and insecurities around Jack faded along with the occasional awkwardness that accompanied the two, substituted now by the deep affection and longing that normally ushered in with new relationships.

"This is nice," Shepard sighed, wiggling her lower body deeper into the mattress below her.

"Sure," Jack said, with a half smirk as she turned her head so that her ear perched on Shepard's rising chest. "And..."

"And...I'm so lucky to have you," Shepard said. She tried to act it off as if she was hesitant to say it, but she secretly loved the rush she felt as the words fell out of her mouth. It became a joke between the two within the past few weeks, to have Shepard admit how "lucky she was" to have Jack after saying it so often that it became habitual.

"Ditto." Jack was still warming up to the verbal affection part of the relationship, an area she always struggled with, but Shepard understood and had no issue with taking the reigns in that aspect. After all, Jack was stronger with physical affection, _especially _in bed, as she had the pleasure of learning. She brought Evan to climax quicker than anyone, but without losing any of the intensity – of course, then there were times when Jack purposely would delay Evan as long as she could, until her pleas for relief scratched at Jack's ears long enough to merit release.

But now was not the time for that, Evan assured herself as her mind wandered off to the dirty crevices of her mind – _right? _Her hand gripped Jack's skin a bit tighter, possibly too tight as Jack arched her back.

"The hell are you doing?"

Evan's thoughts traveled back to reality, and met with an upset Jack. "I'm—I'm sorry," she apologized, but now her mind was stained with the inappropriate thoughts it picked up when it roamed. "I just...I dunno, I was thinking about that one time..."

"You're going to have to be more specific than that," Jack reminded, shifting herself so that she was now sitting on top of Shepard.

"Do you remember, I think it was last Friday, when-"

"Ohh, fuck, how could I forget Friday? I had you pinned up against the wall, screaming my name into my ear as I fucked you hard with-"

"_Yes, _last Friday," Shepard affirmed. She could never be too careful that EDI was listening, or that anyone could cut in at anytime and overhear their rather raunchy conversations.

"What? You don't wanna talk about it?"

"No, I just would rather you remind me about it in a different way." Shepard wasn't exactly poised in the expertise of dirty talk, evident by Jack's odd smirk that suggested she wasn't turned on by Evan's attempt.

"...Like, through interpretative dance?"

Shepard sighed – _screw it, give them something to talk about. _"Why don't you come a bit closer and show me just how psychotic you are?"

Jack laughed. "Jesus, Shepard, that's cheesy. Has Garrus been rubbing off on you?"

Shepard pondered retorting with something along the lines of "I'd like you rub off on me," but instead grasped Jack by the back of her neck and pulled her into a teasing kiss, one that started off softly with a suck on her lower lip and evolved into a hungry, physical longing for more. Jack picked up the hint, taking little time to fumble Shepard out of the pesky fabrics that shielded her skin – she has gotten quite good at knowing where all the hooks and zippers are with just her hands as a guide. Within moments, a nude Shepard grasping at an amorous Jack, any inhibitions Shepard harbored dissolved into the passion the kiss was bringing, placing her hand on top of Jack's partially shaved head and pushing it down her body.

Jack knew Shepard like the back of her fuckin' hand, she'd tell people. "I know that chick inside and out, I mean literally," she'd tease to company in front of Evan, who suppressed chuckles with shocked looks of disgust and "that is so inappropriate!", only to reward Jack's "inappropriate" remarks later with sex. She loved it – God, she loved the dirty side of Jack, the no-fucks given Jack – she loved it all.

"I love you," Shepard moaned, Jack taking a patch of damp skin between her teeth. Right below her ribcage, above her navel, that's the spot.

She loved the animal in Jack, the raw, sexual power she harnessed when the two just felt like _fucking. _Sometimes they made love. Sometimes it was slow, endearing, "cheesy and shit," as Jack would put it. "Cheesy but nice." Lots of kissing, lots of caressing.

This wasn't one of those times.

Shepard wanted to rip her panties off, in fact, she grabbed the rim of the fabric and tugged at it. Jack was too busy sucking on Evan's tit to notice the intense underwear-pulling theatrics that were playing out beneath her, inviting her to -

"Just fuck me already, Christ," Shepard groaned, unable to restrain the almost painful ache that pulsed through her.

Shepard's eyes closed, her head fell back and her body tensed up as Jack obeyed and slithered down her toned frame. She didn't need to look, she didn't even need to hear, she just needed to feel Jack's warm mouth against her flesh, her hands up and down her sides, and her breath on the little hairs on her stomach. She moaned, with anticipation, with pleasure, with love.

The familiar feelings of underwear sliding down her legs formed a stronger arousal inside of her, wringing her legs around Jack's neck and pulling her into her already wet mound, eagerly awaiting the inevitable release she'd reach within moments.

"I wanna try something," Jack interrupted.

Shepard's concentration and bliss broke at the intrusion. "What? Wait, what? It's not that hard, I mean-"

"No, really. Just close your eyes and take your legs off me, trust me, all right? I know what I'm doing."

Shepard, intrigued as she was upset, untangled her legs and set them beside Jack. She awaited the surprise with wonder and reluctantly, any sort of surprise Jack conjured up during their relationship usually involved pain or some badass tattoo idea she had. After a short minute, she felt an odd sensation tickle her clit and the entire area around it – even inside, reaching the bottom of her belly. It was pleasant, warm, and yet exotic. It radiated through her entire being, the tips of fingers tingling with a delightfully odd tickle, her limbs and extremities twitching against her will.

"What the hell are you doing?" Shepard asked.

"Biotics."

"Bi—wait, what? You're-" Shepard looked up, greeted with the sight of Jack's hand glowing steadily with a familiar sapphire aura as it touched her sensitive spot.

"It's nothing strong, don't worry, I don't wanna fuck you up or anything. I'm just – wait, you've never tried this on yourself?"

"No," Shepard breathed, starting to warm up to the sensation.

"Shit, I thought most biotics tried jackin' it with biotics. It's fun...you seem to be enjoying it," Jack coyly purred, slowly rubbing around Shepard's swelled clit.

"I – nnnn, yeah," Shepard agreed, consumed by the feeling. It was like being stimulated with a vibrator, yet it managed to touch a spot inside of you nothing else could. Her muscles involuntarily contracted, not used to this intensity of pure pleasure.

Jack licked along Shepard's flat stomach, exponentially adding to the pleasant feeling that gripped Evan's lower body, which was snapping into Jack's body with so much force, her hand continuously slipped off of Shepard.

Neither of them needed to say anything to confirm that Shepard found this new method...pleasing. The satisfaction yet aching it ignited, and how it fabricated on her face in the form of an overwhelmed scrunch was more than enough to say whatever needed to be said. The passion inside her that ached for Jack now clawed for release, the tingling, the tickles, the sheer stimulation from the simple blue hand now lassoed in an incoming climax that was, at the same time, too soon, and too late.

It hit, like a laser tearing through a building, decimating her body into a crumpled, collapsing mess – writhing and curling with each powerful wave of pure sexual bliss that tore through. Her legs clamped around Jack, who strengthened her biotic hold on Shepard, pushing her over to an edge she's never fallen off of. It was moments, possibly minutes, she recognized, before any thought coherent enough to understand fell back into her brain, her entire being twitching long after it was over, with Jack collapsed next to her on the bed that was once made, somewhere under the fumbled mess of passionately-gutted drapery.

"Je-_sus,_" Evan exhaled.

"Hah. Yeah," Jack said, a smug look plastered on her face.

_ That stupid, shit-eating grin, _Shepard thought, her thoughts gaining more clearance. _How I love that charming girl. _"You're always finding new buttons to push, you know that?"

"Great. Keeps it interesting. We'd be borin' as shit if I didn't bring anything new to the table every now and then."

Shepard kissed Jack, pecked, rather, and rolled over to her side, stricken by a curse of tiredness.

"I'm just _so _lucky to have you," she smirked.

"And don't you forget it, princess."

* * *

AN: Whoops not sorry. Hey it's summer, maybe I can actually get more writing done? post an actual chapter? yeah? oh god I hope so I'm such a mess


	19. Tension

**AN**: Thanks for being so patient! Sorry for being such an unreliable author.

* * *

"Cerberus" was tossed around the galaxy almost more than regular pronouns. It was whispered, screamed, and growled under frustrated jowls, from krogan, to human, from asari, to hanar. It was the elcor in the room that knocked over a lamp every time it turned around, leaving trails of bigotry and corruption with each gallop across the universe. Shepard felt the weight of the evil on her fatigued shoulders, and her back was starting to hurt. The trauma she endured in the past from Cerberus still lingered, and she knew she wasn't the only one permanently affected by hateful group.

Each time she looked into her girlfriend's eyes, she could see the scars it left on her, heavier than the wounds Shepard endured herself from her time spent with the corporation (which she swears was more of a hostage situation). Jack vowed revenge every day, and fought those who told her vengeance wouldn't change the past. "No, it wouldn't. I'm not doing this for revenge. I'm doing this because it'd change the future," she'd defend. The marks on her body and her psyche told otherwise.

Anytime Jack's traumatic past surfaced, no matter what caused it – a conversation gone wrong, a confrontation with Cerberus, or a bad dream about Pragia - Shepard sensed the soreness in Jack. There was not an ounce of doubt within Shepard that her own problem with Cerberus was more personal than not. To be honest, Shepard told herself, it was a shared feeling. So when the call finally came to assault the Illusive Man's base, Evan took no second thought to confront Jack about the situation.

"Well, you're taking me, right?"

"That's what I came up here to ask," Shepard assured.

"You know I'm always willing to join you. Why are you really up here? Are _you _having doubts?"

Evan sighed and leaned towards her desk, hoping her posture wasn't a pronouncement of her piling worries. "Possibly." She breathed heavily, rethinking her answer. She knew she could confide in Jack. "Maybe. I don't really know anymore, to be honest."

"You, Commander Shepard, worried about taking down the Illusive Man? That chair-screwing son of a bitch?"

"I wish people would stop assuming that just because I'm Commander Shepard means I'm some sort of hardened mercenary. I know what I'm doing, but I still get scared sometimes. If anyone should know that, it's you."

Jack snorted. "Really can't have you being scared here, Shepard."

"Why? I've been scared a lot of times. The Collector base, the first time I fought Saren...hell, I was terrified that time a few weeks ago where we almost lost you in that Cerberus base."

"You didn't almost lose me, don't give me that crap."

"You were ass down on the floor with an Atlas looming over you. If Garrus hadn't sniped the glass of the cockpit right off, well..."

"So what you're saying is that you don't think I can fight for myself? Is that why you're talking to me about this? Trying to tell me that Princess Commander Shepard doesn't think poor old Jack isn't good enough to take the down Illusive Man?" Jack said, glaring.

"No, what the hell has gotten into you?"

"I'm sick of this shit, Evan. I'm sick of Cerberus and I'm sick of Reapers and I'm even sick of the Normandy sometimes. I'm sick of only having you for a few hours a day. I'm sick of...of, you coming home beaten up and blowing me off."

Shepard paused, straightening herself out as she glanced over Jack. There was anger in her face, sure, but there was an undeniable trace of sadness that glazed the bottom of her eyes. "You knew it was going to be like thi-"

"Yeah, I fucking knew. I get it. I've done this with you before. I just didn't think it'd drag on this long. Maybe I'm a bit selfish, but I'd like you to myself sometimes."

"You do get me to yourself. More than anyone else."

"I don't know, Shepard, it seems like the Illusive Man gets first dibs on you these days," Jack scoffed.

Speechless, Shepard slammed her fists down on her desk, shaking everything on it in a quake of anger. She sacrificed a lot for her crew, for Earth, and even for the universe. To have the one she trusted most to even question her priorities infuriated her. "You're not the only one who was screwed over by Cerberus, Jack," she bellowed. "Do you think I like this? Do you think I enjoy this? No I don't, and I never did. This is, most likely, the last time we'll ever have to deal with Cerberus and I just need your Goddamn cooperation, that's all I'm here for, and if you're just going to give me hell about this, maybe you should just..."

"Just what? Leave?" Jack dared in a snarl.

Evan collected herself and corrected her posture into a less threatening stance, trying to soothe her anger. "I never said that."

"You were going to."

Shepard stayed silent, avoiding any contact. She wasn't sure how she was going to finish that sentence.

"Look, you're right. I'm not the most important thing in your life right now and I know that," Jack said.

"I'm sorry. The Reapers don't take a break, and I can't either."

"Yeah, I know. I guess I'm stressed out, too. I'm sorry if I sound like a bitch sometimes, I just really worry about you a lot, all right? Like, fuck, I don't know...I see you almost die every day. Maybe I just get selfish because part of me thinks every moment might be the last moment I see you. And if you died, well...that'd really suck."

Shepard smiled for the first time in a while. "Thanks." She walked over to Jack, nuzzling her neck as her arms draped around her. She knew Jack was under pressure, too. Everyone on the Normandy was, hell, everyone in the galaxy was. It was not an easy time for anyone, and she wanted to clear any tension between the two, after all, each time they saw each other could be the last. A morbid thought, Evan admitted, but she came to terms with the fact that it was a realistic concern to have.

Jack kissed the top of Evan's head in retaliation. "So, to answer what you came up here to ask – yes, I would_ love _to join you to kick Cerberus' ass off the galaxy map."

* * *

Evan couldn't shrug the feeling that the two have been fighting more frequently lately, and it was usually the same fight, centered around Shepard's frequent absence from Jack's life. Usually, they'd make up, almost immediately, in fact, but every fight peppered their relationship with an almost permanent bitterness. She attributed it to the stress both of them were facing, but nothing changed the fact that distance was starting to creep in between the two. Jack _wasn't _ the most important part of her life right now, and wouldn't be for a while. She was neglecting her, but only out of necessity. She could not sacrifice virtue for love, regardless of who it was, but maybe if she retired soon after bringing down the Reapers, they'd find somewhere nice to live – maybe somewhere on Earth, or her apartment on Intai'Sei, or no, her apartment on the Citadel, she remembered. That'd be great, and they could dance, and cook – try to, at least, and maybe adopt a varren, and invite everyone over like old times, and -

"Ready, Shepard? Shepard?" Joker prodded Shepard from his chair.

"What? Yeah. Let's do this."

"You know, for someone who's hopefully about to take down Cerberus, you uh, you really don't seem too thrilled. I mean, I can understand it, don't get me wrong, what with that Kai Leng guy in the picture now, but..."

"It's not the end, Joker. If there's something I've learned in the past three years, it's that you can't predict the end. I'm not sighing with relief until every damned Reaper is floating stagnant and disemboweled in space."

"Wow. Well, getting the Prothean VI is basically the last step before that should happen, sooo..."

Shepard shook her head and spoke softly. "It's never that easy." Evan knew negativity wouldn't help the situation, but she was growing tired of it all.

"Okay, Commander, uh, setting course...I guess."

Shepard leaned on Joker's chair, too tired to make any effort to hold a confident pose. She knew she had to perk up before they reached the headquarters, but her eyes grew heavier with each passing moment. The eerie humming of the machinery around her and the whizzing stars above her certainly did not help her somnolent state as a deeper drowsiness crept in. If she could just rest her eyes for one minute...

"Shepard?" a soft voice said from the entrance, penetrating the silence.

"Yeah?" Shepard yawned, twirling around in a slow haze.

"I just wanted to let you know that," Liara started, with a hint of nervousness in her voice, "even if you don't manage to defeat The Illusive Man..."

"That's not an option, Liara," Evan insisted, despite her weary outlook.

Liara nodded. "As confident as I'm sure you are, I came up here to tell you that each and everyone of us is proud of you for how far you've come."

Evan smirked at the asari. "Thanks, Liara, I'm glad to know that."

Liara returned the smile, but only briefly. "And, if you could consider bringing me along, well, I'd really appreciate that."

"I've already agreed to bring Jack, and I think EDI-"

"No, I understand. Forget I said anything." Liara hurried out of the room without finalizing eye contact between her and Shepard.

_That was weird._

"Huh. I've never seen Liara do anything like that," Joker noted.

"Yeah. I haven't really talked to her in quite a while, now that I think about it. I guess I really haven't had time to talk to much of my crew lately at all."

"I've noticed that Liara has been studying Jack's dossier quite closely in the past few weeks," EDI said. "I'm aware I might be breaching some moral norms by informing you of this, but perhaps it could be a direct cause of her behavior."

"Think she found something weird?" Shepard asked.

"I don't know, wouldn't she have like, told you or something? Seems like something she'd do...then again, I'm not exactly Liara-savy. As far as I'm concerned, she's always full of surprises," Joker mused.

Shepard nodded, irked from Liara's abnormal behavior. She wanted to go speak to her one-on-one, but now, like always, was not a good time.

"Don't you have access to all of the creepy files she has? Haven't you read anything about Jack? And if, uh, there's anything in there about me, well, I just wanted to say that, uh, whatever it says is not true unless I say otherwise...just...putting that out there."

"I haven't really looked at Jack's file. I'm not really eager too, either. I'm not ready to go digging up information that doesn't want to be uncovered."

"Maybe you should, I don't know. If the person I was dating was keeping some super secret or something, I'd like to know. Like, maybe they're the head of an underground gang. Or maybe they have an extra limb on their ass. I guess I can't really be too judgmental since my girlfriend's a robot, though."

"Jeff, is there a problem with me being a non-organic?" EDI asked.

"No, no. Forget I said anything. I was just trying to make a point."

"I'll ask Liara later. It could be nothing."

"Maybe she just really had to go to the bathroom."

Evan chuckled. "Joker!"

"What? Aliens go too. Ask EDI. I think she spies on them."

"I'm very selective about what I choose to focus on, Jeff," EDI defended.

"Right, right. I'm sure you've never watched Jack and Shepard."

Evan blushed; as comfortable as she was around Joker, she wasn't about to go down that road. Though, she admitted to herself, she was feeling better. "Are we going or are we just going to stand here and pick on EDI?"

"Yeah, yeah. We'll be there soon."


End file.
